Anonymous
09/03/2023 19:01
Subject: Parents of 3- do you wish you’d stopped at 2 or 1
I have 4 kids. I think it’s absolutely normal to think from time to time about an alternative life where you had less/no kids. I’d be so much more rested, well traveled with a very healthy bank account!
But that’s different than regretting having a child. If you have a third child - a HUGE part of your life, who makes you laugh, who loves you and whom you (presumably) love dearly… and you fantasize (?) about a world where that child doesn’t exist… you need therapy.
There are so many things in my life I’d do differently if I had a “do over”. Not having my children is not one of them.
But that’s different than regretting having a child. If you have a third child - a HUGE part of your life, who makes you laugh, who loves you and whom you (presumably) love dearly… and you fantasize (?) about a world where that child doesn’t exist… you need therapy.
There are so many things in my life I’d do differently if I had a “do over”. Not having my children is not one of them.
Anonymous
09/03/2023 18:56
Subject: Re:Parents of 3- do you wish you’d stopped at 2 or 1
I only have two but my cousin with 3 says they probably should have stopped at 2 because they’re exhausted all the time.
My sibling has 3 and says it’s the best thing ever, so, different strokes for different folks.
My sibling has 3 and says it’s the best thing ever, so, different strokes for different folks.
Anonymous
09/03/2023 18:47
Subject: Parents of 3- do you wish you’d stopped at 2 or 1
My mom, who had three, told me to stop at two. (Though I mentioned it recently and she denied having said it.) A mom at preschool also once told me unprompted not to have a third, but she was clearly in the throes of exhaustion with a new baby at the time.
Anonymous
09/03/2023 18:40
Subject: Parents of 3- do you wish you’d stopped at 2 or 1
Anonymous wrote:Not do you wish your last child didn’t exist - I’m sure for the large majority of people no matter how many kids they had and how bad of a situation it was, they’d never say they wished a particular kid didn’t exist and they couldn’t imagine their life without them.
But imagining a generic future life with generic children - knowing what you know now, would you stop earlier?
(I would. And I love my children so much and they each feel so very loved and I can’t imagine life without any of them now that they exist, but I do not think 3 kids is my ideal family size for the type of relationship I value with my kids)
I would say that yes, having the next kid is usually harder and looking back it would be easier if you didn't have the extra one. BUT you can't ask a parent with 3 kids if they wish that 3rd didn't exist! In this hypothetical world, YES having 1 more usually is harder and looking back it would have been easier with 1 or 2 or 3, wherever you started and stopped. DH is an only and I think if we had stopped with one, everything would have been a damn breeze! But I never considered a family with 1 child. We have 2 kids and it is harder than having one. Would I get rid of my 2nd? No! Would have it been easier , yes!
Anonymous
09/03/2023 18:39
Subject: Re:Parents of 3- do you wish you’d stopped at 2 or 1
I am not a parent of three but I have had several of them tell/warn me to stop at two so I don't think you're entirely alone in your sentiment, OP.
Anonymous
09/03/2023 18:04
Subject: Parents of 3- do you wish you’d stopped at 2 or 1
Anonymous wrote:No. If anything I regret not having a fourth.
I was going to post this. If I had to start all over again I’d start sooner than 30 and have a fourth. I don’t want to have a baby in my 40s so we are done (and I didn’t want to pop out 3 close in age, so I’m older now).
Anecdotally I feel like most parents of 3 with at least a 3-4 year age gap between a couple of their kids are happy with the choice, and that is what I would do all over again. Whereas having the 3 under 5 looked miserable to me (but sometimes surprise twins makes a gap impossible).
Anonymous
09/03/2023 17:58
Subject: Parents of 3- do you wish you’d stopped at 2 or 1
There is no one size fits all shoe, just as there is no perfect size for all family. I don't understand the point of the thread.
Anonymous
09/03/2023 17:51
Subject: Parents of 3- do you wish you’d stopped at 2 or 1
Nope. I liked 3 so much we had a fourth.
Anonymous
09/03/2023 17:47
Subject: Parents of 3- do you wish you’d stopped at 2 or 1
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Not do you wish your last child didn’t exist - I’m sure for the large majority of people no matter how many kids they had and how bad of a situation it was, they’d never say they wished a particular kid didn’t exist and they couldn’t imagine their life without them.
But imagining a generic future life with generic children - knowing what you know now, would you stop earlier?
(I would. And I love my children so much and they each feel so very loved and I can’t imagine life without any of them now that they exist, but I do not think 3 kids is my ideal family size for the type of relationship I value with my kids)
It would seem that asking your question infers that you DO wish the third child didn't exist!
+1. OP, who in their right mind basically poses a question that comes out as “I’m not saying a regret #3, but I regret #3?” It’s messed up.
Anonymous
09/03/2023 17:27
Subject: Parents of 3- do you wish you’d stopped at 2 or 1
Anonymous wrote:Not do you wish your last child didn’t exist - I’m sure for the large majority of people no matter how many kids they had and how bad of a situation it was, they’d never say they wished a particular kid didn’t exist and they couldn’t imagine their life without them.
But imagining a generic future life with generic children - knowing what you know now, would you stop earlier?
(I would. And I love my children so much and they each feel so very loved and I can’t imagine life without any of them now that they exist, but I do not think 3 kids is my ideal family size for the type of relationship I value with my kids)
It would seem that asking your question infers that you DO wish the third child didn't exist!
Anonymous
09/03/2023 16:18
Subject: Parents of 3- do you wish you’d stopped at 2 or 1
Sometimes.
Anonymous
09/03/2023 16:17
Subject: Parents of 3- do you wish you’d stopped at 2 or 1
For us, the gap between 1 and 2 was big and the switch was easy.
From 2-3, it was muuuch harder. the third is more than just one more, as there are all sorts of new permutations of relationships.
From 2-3, it was muuuch harder. the third is more than just one more, as there are all sorts of new permutations of relationships.
Anonymous
09/03/2023 16:12
Subject: Re:Parents of 3- do you wish you’d stopped at 2 or 1
OP, see a therapist. You need to adjust expectations and not secretly wallow in how three is not how your preferred number. There comes a point where what’s done is done, and it’s really unhealthy to turn that over in your mind.
Anonymous
09/03/2023 16:09
Subject: Parents of 3- do you wish you’d stopped at 2 or 1
No. If anything I regret not having a fourth.
Anonymous
09/03/2023 16:04
Subject: Parents of 3- do you wish you’d stopped at 2 or 1
Not do you wish your last child didn’t exist - I’m sure for the large majority of people no matter how many kids they had and how bad of a situation it was, they’d never say they wished a particular kid didn’t exist and they couldn’t imagine their life without them.
But imagining a generic future life with generic children - knowing what you know now, would you stop earlier?
(I would. And I love my children so much and they each feel so very loved and I can’t imagine life without any of them now that they exist, but I do not think 3 kids is my ideal family size for the type of relationship I value with my kids)
But imagining a generic future life with generic children - knowing what you know now, would you stop earlier?
(I would. And I love my children so much and they each feel so very loved and I can’t imagine life without any of them now that they exist, but I do not think 3 kids is my ideal family size for the type of relationship I value with my kids)