My dear friend made a conscious decision to move beyond the pain and come out the other side. She is trying to enjoy life despite it and is surprisingly succeeding with her DH making major life changes. He was terrified and ashamed and now she says they appreciate what was almost lost. She’s amazing and has always seen life more in shades than me. Her DH doesn’t deserve her. I hate him now.

Never.

You live on the brink, essentially. You catch your cheater spouse in a white lie, you're immediately back to that dark D-Day place. Because if they're lying about whether or not they picked up the dry cleaning, what else are they lying about? Doesn't matter how much work they've allegedly done on themselves, you can't relax.

I decided to divorce after about 2.5 years of working on the marriage after finding out. I realized I would never fall in love with him again after that betrayal.

Never. And I don’t regret my payback. Not one bit.

About three years. We did all of the counseling, and I eventually didn’t think about it every hour, but still thought about it every day. Fast forward several years and I am getting divorced because guess what… cheaters will keep cheating.

Anonymous wrote:DH put in a lot of work, and I don’t think he’s cheating. I’m still a mess 4 years later. Mostly scarred by my DH choosing to be with so many other women. I’ve lost my self esteem and don’t feel pretty anymore. I don’t think I’ll ever be the same.

So many other women?!?!

I have read many, many books about divorce as I considered my own. Multiple affairs are generally not workable to continue the marriage. It’s a devastating and horrible thing to do.

Four years ago I found out about cheating that happened more than 20 years ago. I am still not over it, and sometimes it just feels worse. I don’t know how long it will take to get back to normal again.

We are approaching one year out and I still think about it multiple times a day, but have many more moments of normalcy than I did in the early days.

My DH has worked is behind off in every way possible. If he wasn't I don't think I could have lasted this long.

Never. It didn’t end and we divorced. Spouse wanted me to wait around while they decided what they wanted. Too painful with no real end in sight. Years later I am truly happen but I wish my kids didn’t have to go through it. It’s so rough and I’m so sorry, OP.

There is no timeframe

DH put in a lot of work, and I don’t think he’s cheating. I’m still a mess 4 years later. Mostly scarred by my DH choosing to be with so many other women. I’ve lost my self esteem and don’t feel pretty anymore. I don’t think I’ll ever be the same.

A year of it pretty much consuming my thoughts. Gradually getting better now, 2 years out. And that is with DH doing a lot of work on himself and 100 percent taking responsibility to repair the marriage.

It just changes everything forever. You either get used to it or your don't.

At least 3 years.

Thank you.