Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry you all are dealing with this. How old is FIL? Is there someone with the hospice group that you can talk to? The body shuts down at the end, and refusing food and water is common. Also, a return of lucidity is known to happen as well. I would not take his refusal of food to mean that you are starving him.
As a culture we do a very poor job of handling the decline and lead up to death. If you are on social media at all, there are some hospice nurses who are seeking to educate people about end of life issues. HospiceNurseJulie is one of them. She may have some links to readings you might find helpful. I found the book “Being Mortal” very helpful. It’s a bit more about the “big picture” than the crisis point your family is in now, but I found it helped me in my thinking about these issues.
This. I would get guidance from hospice and also change the language you use with yourself. You are not "letting him starve to death" you are allowing a natural process to happen toward the end of life. Definitely consider quality of life issues as you make decisions. In my family it felt like my dad was being tortured simply because my mother, who never got along with him, couldn't allow him to pass peacefully. Hospice tried to explain, but she could not listen and was completely irrational. He used every noise and action he could to convey he was ready. It was painful to watch. If you find yourself struggling with the thought of death see if the social worker at the hospital can speak with you and work with a therapist. I know it's hard, I have been there.