Sure, DD is a separate person who could have real issues but whose job is it to help a child with their issues? Whose job is it to forge and maintain a connection despite difficulty? The *child’s* job? Or the emotionally mature adult parent’s job?

Have you considered that your child doesn’t feel connected to you because she **rightly perceives** that your love is conditional? I’m sorry but fantasizing about abandoning your child in the future while wondering why you don’t connect in the present….are you not seeing the obvious here?

OP, I hope you are in therapy and if you are not you should get into therapy STAT.

Anonymous wrote:I think a pp is right that a therapist makes sense in this case. Its hard to know what your DD might be like and what kind of real issues she might have . It might be that in the future that sadly to protect yourself you would have to have reduced contact. Some posters are ignoring that your DD is a real separate person who could have serious issues.

+1

No. He’s 16. He annoys the hell out of me sometimes and I’m sure I do the same to him. And the thought has never crossed my mind. What is your teen doing to cause this?

Anonymous wrote:I can understand the feeling. Some kids are just difficult and exhausting. You feel like you can’t do anything right in their eyes. Not everyone has that situation so they judge.

This her child we are speaking about. Stop projecting your shit onto her.

I think a pp is right that a therapist makes sense in this case. Its hard to know what your DD might be like and what kind of real issues she might have . It might be that in the future that sadly to protect yourself you would have to have reduced contact. Some posters are ignoring that your DD is a real separate person who could have serious issues.

I can understand the feeling. Some kids are just difficult and exhausting. You feel like you can’t do anything right in their eyes. Not everyone has that situation so they judge.

Anonymous wrote:Sometime, I feel that i may if not now, later in life. My daughter and I just don’t see eye to eye nor connect on many levels. I haven’t given up, she’s 16 but outside of spending a half an hour- 45 minutes a day with her, I avoid her. We fight otherwise.

I hope you are just venting and you don't mean that. Teenagedom is hard. You were hard too.

Maybe you didn't help her keep busy enough all summer?

Half an hour a day for no functional reason with the same person every day is a lot. I couldn't do that with most of my friends or family or coworkers. That isn't a reason to cut them out of my life.

Anonymous wrote:Sometime, I feel that i may if not now, later in life. My daughter and I just don’t see eye to eye nor connect on many levels. I haven’t given up, she’s 16 but outside of spending a half an hour- 45 minutes a day with her, I avoid her. We fight otherwise.

You should find a good therapist and work on your attitude about your daughter. I have good relationships with my adult kids and would never have wanted them out of my life.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The teenage years are by far the hardest. And sometimes limiting time together is the best way to have some harmony. I think also talking to a family therapist is also helpful. Working on how to communicate with her so she actually hears you is so helpful.

It is hard raising teens, but it’s not accurate to say that limiting time together is what most people must do. We still find lots of ways to enjoy and connect with our teens. It’s not perfect but nothing like OP describes.

No one said that.

Anonymous wrote:The teenage years are by far the hardest. And sometimes limiting time together is the best way to have some harmony. I think also talking to a family therapist is also helpful. Working on how to communicate with her so she actually hears you is so helpful.

It is hard raising teens, but it’s not accurate to say that limiting time together is what most people must do. We still find lots of ways to enjoy and connect with our teens. It’s not perfect but nothing like OP describes.

Anonymous wrote:Sometime, I feel that i may if not now, later in life. My daughter and I just don’t see eye to eye nor connect on many levels. I haven’t given up, she’s 16 but outside of spending a half an hour- 45 minutes a day with her, I avoid her. We fight otherwise.

You sound like a narcissist.

The teenage years are by far the hardest. And sometimes limiting time together is the best way to have some harmony. I think also talking to a family therapist is also helpful. Working on how to communicate with her so she actually hears you is so helpful.

Anonymous wrote:Sometime, I feel that i may if not now, later in life. My daughter and I just don’t see eye to eye nor connect on many levels. I haven’t given up, she’s 16 but outside of spending a half an hour- 45 minutes a day with her, I avoid her. We fight otherwise.

I read this and foresee her cutting you out, when she's older and able to do so.

No.

Sometime, I feel that i may if not now, later in life. My daughter and I just don’t see eye to eye nor connect on many levels. I haven’t given up, she’s 16 but outside of spending a half an hour- 45 minutes a day with her, I avoid her. We fight otherwise.