Good temperament
Takes responsibility
Emotionally secure

If you’re going to spend a life with someone make sure there aren’t a lot of moods or anger issues. Many of us have made that mistake.

When you find out let me know. I thought I found the perfect guy, turned out he had avoidant attachment style and the second things got more than even a little serious, he ran. To this day my therapist tells me I wouldn't want to be with him anyway because these guys are difficult to be married to but idk.

Anonymous wrote:When dating what qualities does one look for in a man to ensure he would be a good husband?

I've been married for over 30 years (together for 34) and here's my take - nothing earth-shattering or new:

*kind to his parents
*respectful and patient with strangers
*good sense of humor (he'll need it)
*excellent at working as a team, not just as an individual
*patient

Anonymous wrote:Kind, good to his parents, long term job (not a job hopper every year), careful with money, has some long term friends (1 or 2 is okay), generous to help others,
some kind of faith tradition, sense of humor, flexible in outlook

The above won’t control for some mental disorders and masking.

I met DH at work. I remember the first time I saw him -- he was standing in a hallway talking to a couple of other lawyers. He was so obviously in charge but also gesturing and smiling and laughing. Then one of the first things I knew about him when I got to know him was that he didn't have much time because it was tax season, and he's a CPA and had worked as one before law school, and he does taxes for pretty much every high school friend, family member, college friend, and a few clients he had back in his accounting days that wouldn't let him go -- all for free. That generous spirit, the willingness to do whatever he can for friends and expect nothing in return even though it burdens the hell out of him every spring, combined with how brilliant and well-liked he was at work ... I was sold on him right away.

We've been together 20 years and he's all of those things: generous, happy, smiling, competent, smart, reliable. He's awesome. He would do anything for me (and does), and he's always smiling. I really did know right away that he was the one for me.

These threads interesting. I like seeing what what different people value.

It's also fascinating how people view things after a few years.

The way he treats wait staff at a restaurant, how he treats his family, how he interacts with kids. Most of all how he treats you.

We met in college. We talked about everything and disagreed about a lot, but he really listened to what I had to say and had some flexibility in his thinking. He has a great sense of humor. He called his grandmothers every Sunday without fail. When I had job interviews, he’d iron my clothes because he was ironing his own stuff for ROTC and so why not? He paid for everything without help…car, school, entertainment, etc. He always just figures it out.

One of the things that most stood out to me was that my now husband pretty quickly made clear that he saw us as a unit. We had probably only been dating a couple of months when he would call and check in with me before making other plans. He wasn’t asking my permission. But he would be like “hey, X invited me to watch the game, etc Friday night. I just wanted to check and make sure there wasn’t anything important you wanted to do that night before I confirmed with him.”

Honestly, I actually remember thinking it was a little odd that he did this. But, it really was a sign of what a great team player he would be for life.

Anonymous wrote:Kind, good to his parents, long term job (not a job hopper every year), careful with money, has some long term friends (1 or 2 is okay), generous to help others,
some kind of faith tradition, sense of humor, flexible in outlook

Meh, I don’t care for superstitious people . That is a weird criterion but to each her own.

DH is a good husband and I'll list some of the thing that stuck out to me when we were dating that go above the obvious (like kindness, sexual compatibility, etc)

- Enjoys cooking
- Got excited about showing me updates to his apartment
- Genuinely wanted my opinion about things. We talked about his job, family, issues with friends, life in general
- Would let me talk about issues with my job or family without trying to fix it. Knew when I just needed to vent and when I needed his opinions
- Made an effort to become friends with my friends and family
- Was very supportive when my dad got seriously ill
- Honest. We talked about everything. There were no secrets
- Took pride in his own things and kept his apartment clean.
- Supported me through a job crisis and then career change. He has always respected me and been my cheerleader

Not necessary but the following would be a plus:
Able to fix irrigation, able to paint, able to change a tire and change a battery, knows how a car engine runs,
able to fix simple plumbing, able to trouble shoot home repairs

Can cook 1 or 2 meals that are really yummy.

Kind, good to his parents, long term job (not a job hopper every year), careful with money, has some long term friends (1 or 2 is okay), generous to help others,
some kind of faith tradition, sense of humor, flexible in outlook

Kindness

When dating what qualities does one look for in a man to ensure he would be a good husband?