lol I love how all these *ssholes can’t figure anything out when the moms (OP and SIL) abdicate their roles.

OP if I were you I would send DH alone and say you can’t help with BIL kids.

DH goes alone, you decline to babysit the other kids. The other kids are the other parents’ problem. The end.

Anonymous wrote:You are definitely TA for not trying to solve this problem and find childcare. This is what care.com is for - you find someone vetted and trustworthy and pay a bit extra for one night. Or you could have asked your mom or one of your regular babysitters to take a day of PTO and paid extra for that - did you try that?

Honestly your whole vibe is that you don't care to attend and you didn't really try to figure this out. But blaming it on the wedding being childfree is dumb. Most events are childfree, and weddings are more important than most events.

JFC this is NOT what care.com does….

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are definitely TA for not trying to solve this problem and find childcare. This is what care.com is for - you find someone vetted and trustworthy and pay a bit extra for one night. Or you could have asked your mom or one of your regular babysitters to take a day of PTO and paid extra for that - did you try that?

Honestly your whole vibe is that you don't care to attend and you didn't really try to figure this out. But blaming it on the wedding being childfree is dumb. Most events are childfree, and weddings are more important than most events.

Considering kids have died under care.com “care,” you need to STFU with your judgment:
https://erdorsey2.medium.com/care-com-multiple-deaths-and-child-abuses-fraudulent-billing-and-a-harvey-weinstein-babysitter-7468edb54ea0

LOL. Yep, if OP hires a sitter it's a death sentence. You're on to something!

Anonymous wrote:Your DH goes and you stay home with your kids. Your DH’s SIL could also skip the wedding and stay with her kids since it’s not her family getting married.

. I would only agree to watch BIL’s if he can arrange for them to dropped off at your house once your regular sitter is available to help you juggle four kids.

Anonymous wrote:You are definitely TA for not trying to solve this problem and find childcare. This is what care.com is for - you find someone vetted and trustworthy and pay a bit extra for one night. Or you could have asked your mom or one of your regular babysitters to take a day of PTO and paid extra for that - did you try that?

Honestly your whole vibe is that you don't care to attend and you didn't really try to figure this out. But blaming it on the wedding being childfree is dumb. Most events are childfree, and weddings are more important than most events.

Not buying this (your last sentence) when the couple chose a 3 pm Friday wedding. If they believed that, they would have chosen a Friday night or weekend to maximize attendance. Their choice of a wedding time has consequences.

Anonymous wrote:You are definitely TA for not trying to solve this problem and find childcare. This is what care.com is for - you find someone vetted and trustworthy and pay a bit extra for one night. Or you could have asked your mom or one of your regular babysitters to take a day of PTO and paid extra for that - did you try that?

Honestly your whole vibe is that you don't care to attend and you didn't really try to figure this out. But blaming it on the wedding being childfree is dumb. Most events are childfree, and weddings are more important than most events.

Considering kids have died under care.com “care,” you need to STFU with your judgment:
https://erdorsey2.medium.com/care-com-multiple-deaths-and-child-abuses-fraudulent-billing-and-a-harvey-weinstein-babysitter-7468edb54ea0

Your DH goes and you stay home with your kids. Your DH’s SIL could also skip the wedding and stay with her kids since it’s not her family getting married.

Hell no! Do not do this, OP! Stand your ground!

Anonymous wrote:You are definitely TA for not trying to solve this problem and find childcare. This is what care.com is for - you find someone vetted and trustworthy and pay a bit extra for one night. Or you could have asked your mom or one of your regular babysitters to take a day of PTO and paid extra for that - did you try that?

Honestly your whole vibe is that you don't care to attend and you didn't really try to figure this out. But blaming it on the wedding being childfree is dumb. Most events are childfree, and weddings are more important than most events.

That said, you are NTA for not going along with the "well then you just do everything for everybody" plan they've thrown together. You don't want to go, so don't go.

You are definitely TA for not trying to solve this problem and find childcare. This is what care.com is for - you find someone vetted and trustworthy and pay a bit extra for one night. Or you could have asked your mom or one of your regular babysitters to take a day of PTO and paid extra for that - did you try that?

Honestly your whole vibe is that you don't care to attend and you didn't really try to figure this out. But blaming it on the wedding being childfree is dumb. Most events are childfree, and weddings are more important than most events.

NTA. Sounds like your BIL assumed you guys would be his childcare plan, and blithely made travel arrangements without checking with you first. Now MIL and FIL want you to take one for the team so they don't have to.

Send just DH to the wedding. (Or just the reception -- something tells me this one of those awful events where there is a 3-hour gap between ceremony and reception because the bride and groom wanted an evening party but didn't want to pay for Saturday night.) Decline pressure to rearrange your life to accommodate ILs. Mentally curse the AHs who plan an out-of-town Friday afternoon wedding and then get shirty when people send their regrets.

that is so rude that they would even ask you to do that. If he's comfortable getting a babysitter, get a babysitter.

This is why no kid weddings suck. I would not mind sending DH and taking care of my own kids, but, no way would I watch 4 kids those ages overnight by myself. Too much!

Dh's cousin is getting married at 3pm on a Friday two hours away from home so we'd have to leave by noon at the latest if we went. Our kids are 5 and 2. On Fridays, our older one gets out of school at 3pm and our little one only has a half day of daycare til 12:30 then comes home for nap. DH's whole family will be at the wedding obviously so they can't watch the kids, my mom still works full time, and our 3 regular sitters also work full time. We are going on a vacation two weeks before the wedding and don't really have extra PTO to burn either.

For some reason this has spiraled into a huge family issue. DH's brother called last night and said that he is planning on coming in to town for the wedding with his 3yo and 1yo because his wife has a marathon that weekend and asked if whoever is watching our kids can watch his too. We said we weren't planning on going because we don't have anyone to watch the kids. Then he suggests that we split an AirBnb near the wedding (in the middle of literal nowhere) and "find a local babysitter" to watch all 4 kids. Then was annoyed when we said we weren't leaving our kids in a strange house with a strange person. Finally, MIL calls and suggests that she, FIL, DH, and BIL just go to the wedding as a family and I take the day off work and have all 4 kids (1, 2, 3, and 5yo) by myself overnight.

I'm perfectly happy with DH going to the wedding alone and staying home with my kids, but I don't have a PTO day to take and just really don't want the 4 little kids alone for the night. AITA?