His parents think he should be properly employed before making a commitment. That is old fashioned too because if wife is well-employed then why does it matter? Men support their wives all the time and there is more to a couple than who pays the bills.

I married my DH at 24 and he was in a PhD program that didn't end until he was 29. I was done with grad school and worked. It was fine. I would not have been fine waiting until he finished to get married as those are prime years for dating and meeting your life partner. If he's into her, they could get engaged/married now. Zero reason to wait, unless he's "just not that into her." Only one data point, but you asked the question so there you go.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you mean you/she are old fashioned? Are you expecting her to be a SAHW and he cant provide that while he's in school?

Hell no. She is very career oriented but also committed to keep work-life balance. She is old fashioned in wanting to marry and have a family.

Why can't they do that while he is in grad school, if it matters to them?

I think it's fair to ask your daughter how she's feeling about the relationship, and if she and this guy are on the same page about their futures. If you're close enough to do it, that is. But definitely don't put ideas in her head or pressure her - presumably you raised a level-headed adult who knows what works and doesn't work for her.

+1

Anonymous wrote:Is he asking you for money? Is she complaining to you about him? Unless the answer to one of these questions is yes, mind your own business.

No and no but I feel she would rather have a ring.

What lacks is his intense dedication to his research and aiming to marry after his doctorate. I don't see how living with someone and asking them to move is fine but committing isn't. His parents also postponed their marriage until both got their PhDs so may be some influence there.

I got married to a man who was in a PhD program and had a baby shortly after. My spouse had a flexible schedule to help with the baby, we had daycare and parents who were helpful instead of trying to break us up.

JFC. Get help for your self. This is none of your business at all. This is how you end up with AC who have to cut you out of their lives to get a moment of peace.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you mean you/she are old fashioned? Are you expecting her to be a SAHW and he cant provide that while he's in school?

Hell no. She is very career oriented but also committed to keep work-life balance. She is old fashioned in wanting to marry and have a family.

Why can't they do that while he is in grad school, if it matters to them?

I think it's fair to ask your daughter how she's feeling about the relationship, and if she and this guy are on the same page about their futures. If you're close enough to do it, that is. But definitely don't put ideas in her head or pressure her - presumably you raised a level-headed adult who knows what works and doesn't work for her.

Neither us nor her worry about his earnings, she has a great income, investments and a decent size inheritance as her safety cushion.

Anonymous wrote:What do you mean you/she are old fashioned? Are you expecting her to be a SAHW and he cant provide that while he's in school?

Hell no. She is very career oriented but also committed to keep work-life balance. She is old fashioned in wanting to marry and have a family.

Is he asking you for money? Is she complaining to you about him? Unless the answer to one of these questions is yes, mind your own business.

If she is old fashioned, why don’t they get married now? Plenty of grad students are married.

What do you mean you/she are old fashioned? Are you expecting her to be a SAHW and he cant provide that while he's in school?

Why would they have broken up by then? I have quite a few friends who have gotten married during the same time fram as her boyfriend.

Would you say anything if you feel your DD's BF is unintentionally wasting her time as he can't marry or be a full time spouse for at least 7-8 years until he finishes his masters and doctorate. Its a long time and more than likely they'll break up by then.

They do love each other and are very compatible. Their timing is off as she is done with education, working, earning and deserves someone who can be more available for moving forward in life than a perpetual student obsessed with academics.

If they do break up, its no loss to him as a man but these are precious years of her life. If you were in her shoes, would you keep your life on pause for love? Does love only comes once. I say this as she may not say it but does understand and worry about it. However, too involved with him to think of other possibilities.

Is a man in today's world worthy of such long wait and sacrifice? Would she look back and regret a lost decade? May be they'll end up marrying but what if they don't and what if marriage isn't successful? They are both 25 and three years out of college. She is moving (remote work) with him to a college town for his intense MS-PhD program.

Just to be clear, I have nothing against him. He is a great guy, just not great timing. What would you do? Just stay out of it or at least discuss it once? We are old fashioned and so is she but blinded by loyalty.