Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Neither you or his GF should pressure him into marriage if he is not ready. It's ok. She might be amazing, but if he is not ready for marriage it doesn't matter

OP here. I want to be clear that milestones did not necessarily or only mean a prompt proposal and wedding. But yes, that is one milestone he needs to be mindful as their friends get married.

Why? he should get married because GF wants to or because everyone else is doing it? I stand by what I said. He should not be pressured into this "milestone"

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Neither you or his GF should pressure him into marriage if he is not ready. It's ok. She might be amazing, but if he is not ready for marriage it doesn't matter

NP here. The advice "wait until you're ready" is a truism that may make sense for most things in life. But once-in-a-lifetime opportunities, you have to make yourself ready. If you don't, that window might pass and you will regret it your entire life. I think that's what OP is getting at. OP's DS may not be ready, but he will regret it for the rest of his life (assuming OP is Nostradamus)

Exactly!

Anonymous wrote:It is that unusual for a mid 20s young man to be not ready for marriage? 30 or 35 I would agree maybe he is acting immature but not at 25. And then you state he will never do better, wow don't have much faith in your son. Depending on your relationship with your son, you could tell him your feelings, how he might be blowing it, and maybe he will reveal his hesitation. Or you could simply stay out of it.

Well, I couldn't really speculate on whether he will ever do better in finding another girlfriend if this one leaves him.

But it's very clear he could have done much better in the MOM department.

Anonymous wrote:Neither you or his GF should pressure him into marriage if he is not ready. It's ok. She might be amazing, but if he is not ready for marriage it doesn't matter

OP here. I want to be clear that milestones did not necessarily or only mean a prompt proposal and wedding. But yes, that is one milestone he needs to be mindful as their friends get married.

It is that unusual for a mid 20s young man to be not ready for marriage? 30 or 35 I would agree maybe he is acting immature but not at 25. And then you state he will never do better, wow don't have much faith in your son. Depending on your relationship with your son, you could tell him your feelings, how he might be blowing it, and maybe he will reveal his hesitation. Or you could simply stay out of it.

My rule is you are allowed to say what you want to tell him but only once. It is your duty as a parent to let him know your thoughts. But once you have done that, stay out of it.

Guys aren’t getting married in their 20s. Is is 29 or 21?

Anonymous wrote:Is he not ready for marriage? Or does he not want to marry her?

Also. My friend's younger brother is like this. Early 30s. Never had a girlfriend. Finally met the perfect girl. Pretty, smart, funny, and we thought he was SO in love with her. Then it got serious and he ran away. We are like, you don't realize, she will find someone new in a month. Some men just don't get it.

She was a lady in the streets but perhaps not a slut in the sheets. You don't know what goes on (or doesn't go on) behind closed doors. And, maybe the dude was gay. MYOB.

If you have the kind of relationship with your son that you think you can discuss your concerns as his mom then do that. Once. Aside from that you’re going have to let him make his own mistakes. My son and his amazing girlfriend broke up and I was pretty sad because I really liked her- turns out she had some mental health issues and would threaten to kill herself when my son would try to break things off. I had no idea and no one would have been able to guess. So she may not be as perfect as she seems.

Anonymous wrote:Neither you or his GF should pressure him into marriage if he is not ready. It's ok. She might be amazing, but if he is not ready for marriage it doesn't matter

NP here. The advice "wait until you're ready" is a truism that may make sense for most things in life. But once-in-a-lifetime opportunities, you have to make yourself ready. If you don't, that window might pass and you will regret it your entire life. I think that's what OP is getting at. OP's DS may not be ready, but he will regret it for the rest of his life (assuming OP is Nostradamus)

Is he not ready for marriage? Or does he not want to marry her?

Also. My friend's younger brother is like this. Early 30s. Never had a girlfriend. Finally met the perfect girl. Pretty, smart, funny, and we thought he was SO in love with her. Then it got serious and he ran away. We are like, you don't realize, she will find someone new in a month. Some men just don't get it.

Anonymous wrote:You likely over-mothered him in his youth (you’re doing it right now) which led him to his present immaturity, and now it’s too late and life’s school of hard knocks will do the teaching here. Men have to lose a good woman in order to learn. Let him regret it!

Somewhat harsh, but rings true. That said, his failure to mature and take accountability is not just mom's fault; dad bears some blame here too.

You likely over-mothered him in his youth (you’re doing it right now) which led him to his present immaturity, and now it’s too late and life’s school of hard knocks will do the teaching here. Men have to lose a good woman in order to learn. Let him regret it!

Neither you or his GF should pressure him into marriage if he is not ready. It's ok. She might be amazing, but if he is not ready for marriage it doesn't matter

Mid 20s DS is going to lose his long-term girlfriend. He does not fully appreciate what a catch she is. I would never say this to him but since we're on an anonymous forum: He will never do better. Not a nice thing to say but it's true. She's thoughtful, highly educated, ambitious, great career, adorable, lovely family, and even an excellent cook. I suppose disclosing all of this to an impartial audience will likely sway most of you to the girlfriend's side; as in, she ought to leave my immature son because she can do so much better! Totally understandable. But this is my son, so of course I'm biased and would like him to fully appreciate what he has with her until it is too late. Is there anything anyone can say to a young man his age or is this one of those things where he won't realize it until he's lost her and she's quickly swooped off her feet up by someone else?

He is not cheating on her, just flaky and failing to grow up. I know he loves her but he remains in that immature self-centered young man phase instead of planning milestones with her. She has confided to me that she is reaching a breaking point. I know he will regret losing her for the rest of his life but I don't know how to get through to him.