Anonymous
08/14/2023 10:52
Subject: Why does 4 kids seem so much more than 3?
For me three was like the outer limit of what you could do if mom still wanted to have a career and life and professional identity. Unless you are really wealthy or have a lot of family money or help etc.
Anonymous
08/14/2023 10:49
Subject: Why does 4 kids seem so much more than 3?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:As someone who grew up in a family of four-- I think people who say that adding additional kids after 3 is "easy" do not think of their kids as individuals (or at least not all of them), probably rely on a good bit of childcare from their eldest, and better pray none of their kids has special needs in any way. Not just something like ADHD, ASD, or a learning disorder, but even subclinical issues like being slow to warm, mild sensory processing issues, etc.
Look, love is not a finite resource and kids need a lot less space and material goods than modern American consumerist culture currently dictates. But time and energy ARE finite, and the idea that adding a while other person to your family, a child who will be at peak "need," is no big deal is deranged.
I don't trust people who treat that cavalierly.
As a counterpoint, I grew up as one of four (and as the oldest, no less!) and our home was one of absolute love and joy. I can’t imagine it any other way - I felt (and feel) very lucky to have grown up with 3 siblings
Your parents probably just loved having kids, and were lucky in a variety of ways.
Anonymous
08/14/2023 10:46
Subject: Why does 4 kids seem so much more than 3?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:As someone who grew up in a family of four-- I think people who say that adding additional kids after 3 is "easy" do not think of their kids as individuals (or at least not all of them), probably rely on a good bit of childcare from their eldest, and better pray none of their kids has special needs in any way. Not just something like ADHD, ASD, or a learning disorder, but even subclinical issues like being slow to warm, mild sensory processing issues, etc.
Look, love is not a finite resource and kids need a lot less space and material goods than modern American consumerist culture currently dictates. But time and energy ARE finite, and the idea that adding a while other person to your family, a child who will be at peak "need," is no big deal is deranged.
I don't trust people who treat that cavalierly.
As a counterpoint, I grew up as one of four (and as the oldest, no less!) and our home was one of absolute love and joy. I can’t imagine it any other way - I felt (and feel) very lucky to have grown up with 3 siblings
DP, but that's not a "counterpoint" to PP.
Anonymous
08/14/2023 10:41
Subject: Why does 4 kids seem so much more than 3?
Anonymous wrote:As someone who grew up in a family of four-- I think people who say that adding additional kids after 3 is "easy" do not think of their kids as individuals (or at least not all of them), probably rely on a good bit of childcare from their eldest, and better pray none of their kids has special needs in any way. Not just something like ADHD, ASD, or a learning disorder, but even subclinical issues like being slow to warm, mild sensory processing issues, etc.
Look, love is not a finite resource and kids need a lot less space and material goods than modern American consumerist culture currently dictates. But time and energy ARE finite, and the idea that adding a while other person to your family, a child who will be at peak "need," is no big deal is deranged.
I don't trust people who treat that cavalierly.
As a counterpoint, I grew up as one of four (and as the oldest, no less!) and our home was one of absolute love and joy. I can’t imagine it any other way - I felt (and feel) very lucky to have grown up with 3 siblings
Anonymous
08/14/2023 10:39
Subject: Why does 4 kids seem so much more than 3?
Anonymous wrote:4 kids are exponentially harder than 3.
I found 3 kids to be exponentially harder than 2.
I LOVED being pregnant and the baby stage, but afterwards I couldn't deal with a 4th kid. They all want my attention all the time and it wouldn't be fair to my existing 3 kids. Currrently I have a ton of guilt because I can't play legos with DS, calico critters with DD and also little people with the baby at the same time. The baby wrecks a lot of the older kids' stuff. It's just hard. And how can I teach one math at the same time I'm teaching another to read.
Wait so….you have 3, or 4?
Anonymous
08/14/2023 10:38
Subject: Why does 4 kids seem so much more than 3?
Anonymous wrote:I think many people who have four kids really enjoy having kids, so it doesn’t seem overwhelming too them necessarily.
This - most people who have 4 kids always wanted a big family
Anonymous
08/14/2023 10:37
Subject: Why does 4 kids seem so much more than 3?
4 is supposedly easier as they say 3 is hardest. I also have 3. I feel like 4 would bring a balance but I am out of the childbearing stage of life.
Anonymous
08/14/2023 10:19
Subject: Re:Why does 4 kids seem so much more than 3?
Anonymous wrote:Op here - I would love to have a 4th I just logistically cannot understand how we would do it. All the posters who say it won’t be much harder makes me question is maybe I just find it harder than others.
Everyone has their limit. I’m tapped out with 2.
Anonymous
08/14/2023 09:30
Subject: Why does 4 kids seem so much more than 3?
Every situation is different, and you don't know until you have the 4th. Don't do it if you're not sure how to handle it.
Anonymous
08/14/2023 09:30
Subject: Why does 4 kids seem so much more than 3?
4 kids are exponentially harder than 3.
I found 3 kids to be exponentially harder than 2.
I LOVED being pregnant and the baby stage, but afterwards I couldn't deal with a 4th kid. They all want my attention all the time and it wouldn't be fair to my existing 3 kids. Currrently I have a ton of guilt because I can't play legos with DS, calico critters with DD and also little people with the baby at the same time. The baby wrecks a lot of the older kids' stuff. It's just hard. And how can I teach one math at the same time I'm teaching another to read.
I found 3 kids to be exponentially harder than 2.
I LOVED being pregnant and the baby stage, but afterwards I couldn't deal with a 4th kid. They all want my attention all the time and it wouldn't be fair to my existing 3 kids. Currrently I have a ton of guilt because I can't play legos with DS, calico critters with DD and also little people with the baby at the same time. The baby wrecks a lot of the older kids' stuff. It's just hard. And how can I teach one math at the same time I'm teaching another to read.
Anonymous
08/14/2023 09:27
Subject: Re:Why does 4 kids seem so much more than 3?
Op here - I would love to have a 4th I just logistically cannot understand how we would do it. All the posters who say it won’t be much harder makes me question is maybe I just find it harder than others.
Anonymous
08/14/2023 07:26
Subject: Why does 4 kids seem so much more than 3?
^ meant to say I grew up in a family of four kids
Anonymous
08/14/2023 07:25
Subject: Why does 4 kids seem so much more than 3?
As someone who grew up in a family of four-- I think people who say that adding additional kids after 3 is "easy" do not think of their kids as individuals (or at least not all of them), probably rely on a good bit of childcare from their eldest, and better pray none of their kids has special needs in any way. Not just something like ADHD, ASD, or a learning disorder, but even subclinical issues like being slow to warm, mild sensory processing issues, etc.
Look, love is not a finite resource and kids need a lot less space and material goods than modern American consumerist culture currently dictates. But time and energy ARE finite, and the idea that adding a while other person to your family, a child who will be at peak "need," is no big deal is deranged.
I don't trust people who treat that cavalierly.
Look, love is not a finite resource and kids need a lot less space and material goods than modern American consumerist culture currently dictates. But time and energy ARE finite, and the idea that adding a while other person to your family, a child who will be at peak "need," is no big deal is deranged.
I don't trust people who treat that cavalierly.
Anonymous
08/14/2023 07:17
Subject: Why does 4 kids seem so much more than 3?
I think many people who have four kids really enjoy having kids, so it doesn’t seem overwhelming too them necessarily.
Anonymous
08/14/2023 07:15
Subject: Why does 4 kids seem so much more than 3?
I have 3 kids - for some reason when somebody tells me they have 4 kids it seems exponentially more than my 3. Is it truly that more difficult? I cannot fathom adding an additional child to my already insane life but maybe that’s just me. Or maybe people spread their kids out more? I had 3 kids in under 5 years.
All the posts that say after 3 kids adding another is easy seems wild.
All the posts that say after 3 kids adding another is easy seems wild.