Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anything more than 2 and you just don’t have enough time/attention to go around. Unless you’re in a poly relationship and there are more than 2 parents for the kids…but a nanny or grandparent doesn’t count. Kids need parental attention.

Um what.

Nanny/ grandparents bad, poly good? Hi poly poster

I definitely didn’t say that. Don’t think poly would be good for anyone that was kind of my point.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have 4, and the hardest transition was 1 to 3 (second & third kids were twins). I think 3 is a tough number because it's 1 more kid than the number of parents, and the world is set up for families of 4. After 3 kids, the rest is gravy.

I couldn’t disagree more and don’t understand this when people say it. The more kids you have, the less attention you have to give individually to each child. Also, they are very expensive if you want each child to be able to participate in whatever extracurricular activities they want. Getting 4 kids to activities is a logistical nightmare. Back to school night is a logistical nightmare. Pretty much every child is an added logistical nightmare. Unless you have docile, unadventurous children, having 4 kids is HARD! Very additional child is a lot more work and puts a lot of stress on the parents. This is the reality. Anyone who says having 3 is the same as 4 or having 4 is the same as 5 is full of it.

It’s ‘easier’ for bigger (4 +) families because the older kids care for the younger kids. For example, like the Duggar family (extreme case, but same concept). The parents are essentially the supervisors of the group of kids.

But it's not like the 4th (or any additional) kid reduces workload. What's easier - having an 8, 6, and 4-year old? Or having an 8, 6, 4, AND a 2-year old?

The difference between 2 and anything more than that is the difference in 1:1 defense vs. zone defense.

But, of course, there are differences between 3 and 4 as well. Sibling dynamics, resources (attention, financial, space). And, of course, the more kids you have, the longer it'll be before you're an empty nester, if that's something you're looking forward to.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have 4, and the hardest transition was 1 to 3 (second & third kids were twins). I think 3 is a tough number because it's 1 more kid than the number of parents, and the world is set up for families of 4. After 3 kids, the rest is gravy.

I couldn’t disagree more and don’t understand this when people say it. The more kids you have, the less attention you have to give individually to each child. Also, they are very expensive if you want each child to be able to participate in whatever extracurricular activities they want. Getting 4 kids to activities is a logistical nightmare. Back to school night is a logistical nightmare. Pretty much every child is an added logistical nightmare. Unless you have docile, unadventurous children, having 4 kids is HARD! Very additional child is a lot more work and puts a lot of stress on the parents. This is the reality. Anyone who says having 3 is the same as 4 or having 4 is the same as 5 is full of it.

It’s ‘easier’ for bigger (4 +) families because the older kids care for the younger kids. For example, like the Duggar family (extreme case, but same concept). The parents are essentially the supervisors of the group of kids.

Anonymous wrote:After 3 it's the same.

No it certainly is not. Total B.S.

Anonymous wrote:I have 4, and the hardest transition was 1 to 3 (second & third kids were twins). I think 3 is a tough number because it's 1 more kid than the number of parents, and the world is set up for families of 4. After 3 kids, the rest is gravy.

I couldn’t disagree more and don’t understand this when people say it. The more kids you have, the less attention you have to give individually to each child. Also, they are very expensive if you want each child to be able to participate in whatever extracurricular activities they want. Getting 4 kids to activities is a logistical nightmare. Back to school night is a logistical nightmare. Pretty much every child is an added logistical nightmare. Unless you have docile, unadventurous children, having 4 kids is HARD! Very additional child is a lot more work and puts a lot of stress on the parents. This is the reality. Anyone who says having 3 is the same as 4 or having 4 is the same as 5 is full of it.

Anonymous wrote:Anything more than 2 and you just don’t have enough time/attention to go around. Unless you’re in a poly relationship and there are more than 2 parents for the kids…but a nanny or grandparent doesn’t count. Kids need parental attention.

Um what.

Nanny/ grandparents bad, poly good? Hi poly poster

Anonymous wrote:I have 3, but by far the hardest transition for me was 0-1.

+1. Two to three was the easiest.

Anonymous wrote:I have 3, but by far the hardest transition for me was 0-1.

I could have written this, word for word.

Anything more than 2 and you just don’t have enough time/attention to go around. Unless you’re in a poly relationship and there are more than 2 parents for the kids…but a nanny or grandparent doesn’t count. Kids need parental attention.

I have 4, and the hardest transition was 1 to 3 (second & third kids were twins). I think 3 is a tough number because it's 1 more kid than the number of parents, and the world is set up for families of 4. After 3 kids, the rest is gravy.

I have 3, but by far the hardest transition for me was 0-1.

After 3 it's the same.

I don’t think many - I’ve seen 2 vs 3, 3 vs 4.

I’m in the thick of it with the teen years, so I’ll remind you that when on message boards, a lot of the parents are still in the younger phases. Those are challenging in their own way but the years are long, and the issues get more complex as your children grow up. Nursing, the toddler tantrums and jugging preschoolers is hard but so is handling social media, backtalk, extracurriculars, sex and (hopefully this doesn’t happen for you) alcohol or substance abuse or mental illness or some of the many other issues I’ve seen fellow teen parents struggle with.

Another thing to keep in mind is that your body might not cooperate even if you want more kids. I wanted 4 but my last pregnancy was very very rough and I had to call it quits at 3. Totally ok with that decision, but just realize that not everything we want as a parent is under our control.

Try to take it step by step and be open to changing your mind.

Is there a thread on the differences between having 2 vs 3 vs 4 kids?