I think it’s more complicated than a standard timeline.

What do you want, relationship-wise? How is your mental health? What about your kids’ mental health? What is your relationship like with your ex?

There’s really no downside to moving slowly.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just find it so hard to believe that someone in their 40s, with kids, and a failed marriage would believe that there is such a thing as well objective relationship “milestones.”

What do you mean, I don’t understand your comment? The question makes sense to me. What is the timing for meeting a new partner/romantic interest is how I interpreted the query.

There is no timing. That’s the point.

Anonymous wrote:I just find it so hard to believe that someone in their 40s, with kids, and a failed marriage would believe that there is such a thing as well objective relationship “milestones.”

What do you mean, I don’t understand your comment? The question makes sense to me. What is the timing for meeting a new partner/romantic interest is how I interpreted the query.

I just find it so hard to believe that someone in their 40s, with kids, and a failed marriage would believe that there is such a thing as well objective relationship “milestones.”

Anonymous wrote:Honestly I feel like the beauty of dating in my 40’s is there are no real rules. Do what you want to do. Want to get remarried? Date guys interested in that. Want a casual relationship, there are men for that too. It looks like how you want it to look. Overall I do think actual relationships move slower because there are more moving parts- kids and ex’s and other logistics to navigate that aren’t there when you’re dating when you’re younger.

This was my philosophy too but the “goods are too odd” to make it happen so far. Im continuing to look for a nice kind available affectionate man to spend the latter half of my life with. Things are different from 50-100. You want someone who is up to being there on a team with you, for the inevitable unraveling and reflection and some fun too. And vice versa.

It’s harder than it should be but the men are just not as plentiful as the women. Speaking for same sex couples of course.

I’ve been in this phase for 3 years now. I will share what I’ve learned.

1) if you want to remarry ONLY date men who are serious about that in word and action
2) get to know them in social settings as soon as possible
3) many people will try to Shane you into not introducing your kids for long periods of time. It’s just hate. Society hates to see a woman doing her own thing and taking charge of her happiness. You need to be careful with your kids. There are crazies out here and you don’t want to bring harm to your kids. Use good judgement. But meeting the kids doesn’t have to be, and probably shouldn’t be….hey here moms new boyfriend. You start off as this is moms friend. You let the guy hang out with you and the kids a little.he plays cool uncle. This is important because men who are serious want to know your kids so they can determine if they can see merging lives. You also wanna gauge what he’s like with your kids.

Good luck!

Honestly I feel like the beauty of dating in my 40’s is there are no real rules. Do what you want to do. Want to get remarried? Date guys interested in that. Want a casual relationship, there are men for that too. It looks like how you want it to look. Overall I do think actual relationships move slower because there are more moving parts- kids and ex’s and other logistics to navigate that aren’t there when you’re dating when you’re younger.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you expect some sort of Brady bunch situation?

I would expect relationships to be infinitely more difficult.

How old are you? Are you wealthy? Very attractive?

I’m 45. When I was 40-42, I was probably the most fit and attractive of my entire life. Just a few short years later, I’m feeling my age and definitely feel older. We know many divorced folks and only two remarried and they were the men. Both men married younger women. One has another baby and then got divorced again. The other remarried recently to a childless never married woman. The women have not remarried. Some are dating with or without luck. Most seem just focused on work and kids.

Me too, same. Suddenly have a little pot belly, squishy waiste, a lot of grey hair, and my feet hurt. I used to be a taut golden antelope yoga queen. Now I work a lot and can only wear Birkenstocks and Hokas and fall asleep at 9:30p. I’m not unhappy I’m just feeling a lot older. Dating in my late 40s is different than early 40s. I’d go to farmers market on a Sat morning. But I don’t really want to “go out”. Ugh.

Big difference between early forties and late forties. My friends in their late forties and early fifties definitely look older now. Their kids are grown. Most have had some work done and it doesn’t always look natural. They still look old.

Yah. Sudden grandma mode. Maybe it’s peri or actual menopause.

So I’d say late 40s dating/relationship timeline is just slower, less over the top…? Anyone else? Depends on age/condition of the guy. If you are in your 40s most of your dates prob are too, or older.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you expect some sort of Brady bunch situation?

I would expect relationships to be infinitely more difficult.

How old are you? Are you wealthy? Very attractive?

I’m 45. When I was 40-42, I was probably the most fit and attractive of my entire life. Just a few short years later, I’m feeling my age and definitely feel older. We know many divorced folks and only two remarried and they were the men. Both men married younger women. One has another baby and then got divorced again. The other remarried recently to a childless never married woman. The women have not remarried. Some are dating with or without luck. Most seem just focused on work and kids.

Me too, same. Suddenly have a little pot belly, squishy waiste, a lot of grey hair, and my feet hurt. I used to be a taut golden antelope yoga queen. Now I work a lot and can only wear Birkenstocks and Hokas and fall asleep at 9:30p. I’m not unhappy I’m just feeling a lot older. Dating in my late 40s is different than early 40s. I’d go to farmers market on a Sat morning. But I don’t really want to “go out”. Ugh.

Big difference between early forties and late forties. My friends in their late forties and early fifties definitely look older now. Their kids are grown. Most have had some work done and it doesn’t always look natural. They still look old.

Anonymous wrote:Do you expect some sort of Brady bunch situation?

I would expect relationships to be infinitely more difficult.

How old are you? Are you wealthy? Very attractive?

I’m 45. When I was 40-42, I was probably the most fit and attractive of my entire life. Just a few short years later, I’m feeling my age and definitely feel older. We know many divorced folks and only two remarried and they were the men. Both men married younger women. One has another baby and then got divorced again. The other remarried recently to a childless never married woman. The women have not remarried. Some are dating with or without luck. Most seem just focused on work and kids.

Me too, same. Suddenly have a little pot belly, squishy waiste, a lot of grey hair, and my feet hurt. I used to be a taut golden antelope yoga queen. Now I work a lot and can only wear Birkenstocks and Hokas and fall asleep at 9:30p. I’m not unhappy I’m just feeling a lot older. Dating in my late 40s is different than early 40s. I’d go to farmers market on a Sat morning. But I don’t really want to “go out”. Ugh.

Timeline
-browsing online profiles- weeks to months
-or random meet-cute IRL
-text for a few days
-phone conversations
-meet for afternoon date/coffee
-second low key date/walk
-more conversations
-dinner/dress up/(kissing?)
-second dinner/dress up/kissing
-dinner at someone’s home/kissing+
-invite to group social gathering with your respective social circles?

All of this takes 3+/- months depending on work/kids/travel/other obligations. and presuming you are doing this with ONE person at a time

-sleepover?? Maybe once/week or twice EOW?
-weekend away or longer trip together?
-intro to impt family like siblings?
-confirm the person wants what you want (ie marriage, dating, open relationship etc…), or you are ok with them not wanting same or being unsure

Do above stuff on repeat for a few more months…

-Fallen in love and committed? Yes or no fork in the road…
If yes:
-at 6-12 months intro to kids…?
- Maybe take few short outings or one night trips with kids? Or some kind of group experience/time if you foresee the person could become part of the family on some level?

A couple of years later discuss living together, or not?
-life plans? Hopes/dreams?

Idk. I’m 48 with two teenagers and wanted a timeline like above but it hasn’t gone quite like this due to various family circumstances etc.

It just depends. Are you looking to get remarried? Do you have full or 50/50 custody? Does the other person have kids?

I'm a long time single mom and I don't make rules about dating. Just like all those things that people say they'll never do before they have kids, they might find themself doing after having kids; same thing for dating as a single mom.

I personally have never understood the 'don't introduce your kid(s) to your SO until you're engaged'. I like to see how my SO and my kid get along. I also introduce someone earlier than some people on this forum would recommend, but when my son was younger it was often just a quick hello while he picked me up for a date. Now that DS is a teen, he's the one that's not really around, plus no one would really be a father figure to him - he's pretty much raised and will be going to college soon.

Just know that a lot of people responding to this will never have been in the situation and will have strong opinions on the subject, and that in general DCUM is mean to single moms.

Good luck to you as you enter the dating scene! My only advice would just be to try to have fun meeting new people and don't get overly invested in finding a new life partner right away, or ever.

Do you expect some sort of Brady bunch situation?

I would expect relationships to be infinitely more difficult.

How old are you? Are you wealthy? Very attractive?

I’m 45. When I was 40-42, I was probably the most fit and attractive of my entire life. Just a few short years later, I’m feeling my age and definitely feel older. We know many divorced folks and only two remarried and they were the men. Both men married younger women. One has another baby and then got divorced again. The other remarried recently to a childless never married woman. The women have not remarried. Some are dating with or without luck. Most seem just focused on work and kids.

How old are the kids?

I think generally it should be slower (vs a 40s with no kids that could move quickly). I don't think anyone should be introduced to kids until you've dated for at least 6 months exclusively.

Just for fun, I know this is highly individual. I'm a single mom with kids in my 40s dating for the first time in a looong time. What relationship milestones do you think are significant and when should they occur? Do relationships move slower or faster at this stage?