It's been decades since I went to college and a few years before we send our kids, but what purchases does a student really need beyond a week's worth of clothes, sheets and a towel, and a computer? You can buy pens and toothpaste and shampoo when you get there. Everything else is optional.

Anonymous wrote:Mine rebukes any conversation/offer about getting stuff for the year or the dorm - they leave in a week. Hasn't even let us know about move in window (which we know from school has been assigned but we didn't ask based on other reactions).

Needs essentially everything. I bought sheets but otherwise staying out of it - should be interesting!

I would be really worried. He could just be taking a minimalist approach to packing, which is very smart, or he could have a little mild separation anxiety, but he could also be seriously depressed or just not want to go to college.

Chances are you can still get the tuition money back.

If you have a lot of money, let nature take its course.

If you’re not rich, find the school’s full, partial and medical withdrawal deadlines. I’d tell your son that it’s fine if he takes a minimalist approach to packing, but that college is too expensive for you to gamble on whether he’s going to try to do well in college.

Ask him whether he actually wants to go to college.

If not, talk to him about his plans for doing something else. Tell him about whatever limits there will be on your support.

If he does want to go, ask him for some sign you can use before the various refund deadlines to know that he’s reasonably on track and that it’s worth letting the college keep the tuition money. But be practical. If he tries engineering and can’t cut it, make it clear that you’ll pay for him to major in something he can handle, and that he should use jobs and activities to prepare for work, rather than his major. And, if possible, try to get him into a telecounseling program. See if there’s a way to pay a tutor to support him, help him stay organized and talk to you if something is seriously wrong.

If he just isn’t responsive or isn’t realistic when he responds, tell him that you’re going to proceed as if he has serious health problems and try to arrange for a health-related enrollment referral.

In that case, start by taking him to the doctor for a really good checkup, and look for things like thyroid problems, long COVID and major depression, then ask professionals for their advice.

You would not be unreasonable to demand answers for the questions you have. If you’re paying for college, you are entitled to basic information.

Anonymous wrote:My son is starting college in a few weeks and is not too interested in buying things either. I’m glad he doesn’t plan on buying too much; I just told him I want everything done and ready 2 days before we leave so it’s not last minute madness (like usual). Fingers crossed.

This is a good idea - I am not being part of any madness. Any sort of deadline will have opposite effect but I should make that clear that I will not take part in last minute scramble and won't support sudden at-school online credit card frenzy for items he's ignoring now.

At the very least you need to know the details regarding move-in date/time. That would be non-negotiable to me. I would also ask if they had coordinated regarding mini fridge or anything with roommate. Seems like this child needs deadlines. If you want me to assist/pay for stuff it needs to be done by Friday sort of thing.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mine is all over it.

(OP here) As in - "totally into it"? I feel like most are....

OP: Do you have a son? I don't mean to generalize, but my son could not have cared less his first year, and still doesn't as he leaves soon for junior year. My DD, on the other hand, ha been shopping up a storm and planning out her room with her roommate. She is very into it. I wouldn't worry if they're not. Some really just don't care. Personally, I'd take a middle ground.

Yes - son (and I agree with the generalization). Other than sheets, I'm on the sidelines. We have offered, so he can still accept in the next week. Currently has just computer, sheets. He will be very low on clothes (in general, but also grew since last winter) and have no shower or school supplies. It will be a very empty room that maybe the roommate can appreciate?!! Also don't know if they even contacted their roommate - crickets on that too . We just know school said freshmen roommates are all assigned from a school run parent session.

My son is starting college in a few weeks and is not too interested in buying things either. I’m glad he doesn’t plan on buying too much; I just told him I want everything done and ready 2 days before we leave so it’s not last minute madness (like usual). Fingers crossed.

Mine is still working FT at his summer job. Then we go on vacation. After that he might be a bit more interested but not a lot. He knows he can order whatever he needs from Amazon. I’ve bought the basic stuff for his bed and bathroom.

Last year my son was like, "What do you mean? I need more stuff?" The only thing we needed to buy really was the XL twin sheet and comforter.

I was concerned re: volume of stuff but not what exactly. She was shipping her stuff. Number and size of boxes - that was set. Pickup date was set.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mine is all over it.

(OP here) As in - "totally into it"? I feel like most are....

OP: Do you have a son? I don't mean to generalize, but my son could not have cared less his first year, and still doesn't as he leaves soon for junior year. My DD, on the other hand, ha been shopping up a storm and planning out her room with her roommate. She is very into it. I wouldn't worry if they're not. Some really just don't care. Personally, I'd take a middle ground.

I heard this one ~ Kid was a week away from leaving for college, would drive. He was quite a skilled mechanic but ... the the car was in parts on the floor.

Anonymous wrote:Mine is all over it.

(OP here) As in - "totally into it"? I feel like most are....

Mine is all over it.

Mine rebukes any conversation/offer about getting stuff for the year or the dorm - they leave in a week. Hasn't even let us know about move in window (which we know from school has been assigned but we didn't ask based on other reactions).

Needs essentially everything. I bought sheets but otherwise staying out of it - should be interesting!