Anonymous wrote:You're allowed to have your preferences. Yet, it's sexist of you to presume he'd be "emasculated" if you paid for the nicer things.

I've always made more than my DH. We've been married 20+ years and LMC with me making 3x what he does. Sure, I wish we could do nice vacations and outsource household work. But, I value having an emotionally available, faithful partner more. There are tradeoffs with everything. You do you but you shouldn't presume what he will feel.

I am pretty sure from our interactions thus far that he would prefer to keep things to a level he can afford to cover. I don't think he would enjoy it is I started paying for all the nicer experiences, I think it would make him feel bad.

Anonymous wrote:I don’t get people like OP. Kinda disgusting.

-guy

It's not disgusting to enjoy a certain standard of living and want to maintain it.

OP, are you being serious? If so, move on. Let this great guy find a great someone who appreciates more than what money can buy.

Anonymous wrote:OP you are disgusting.

+1 gross

You're allowed to have your preferences. Yet, it's sexist of you to presume he'd be "emasculated" if you paid for the nicer things.

I've always made more than my DH. We've been married 20+ years and LMC with me making 3x what he does. Sure, I wish we could do nice vacations and outsource household work. But, I value having an emotionally available, faithful partner more. There are tradeoffs with everything. You do you but you shouldn't presume what he will feel.

I dated (and then married) a man who made less than I did. He never took me on cheap dates. I think he rearranged his budget to be able to spend more. He took me on inexpensive dates sometimes - like the free nights at museums or to the beach (which I love) or stuff like that. He never took me to Olive Garden or paid with coupons.

I will admit that when I took him on vacations I often lied about points or miles so he wouldn't feel I was spending tons on him and get uncomfortable. We never went on a vacation of like, chugging through Jersey in a motor home or anything.

I was in love. When you're in love, you'll make things work.

I don’t get people like OP. Kinda disgusting.

-guy

OP, it’s entirely possible to have a mature and long-lasting relationship with someone who makes more or less than you.

OP you are disgusting.

Anonymous wrote:And I am kind of dreading the free events and no ticket required scene. I also think he would feel emasculated if I started paying for nicer dates. Don’t mind buying tickets or dinner now and then but always living the life of free/cheap/public is going to get old really fast I think. Which is a pity, bc I like him, but already foreseeing that crappy vacations, appreciating nature bc we have to, and not great music could start dividing us. Sigh.

Apparently not enough. Move on.

Anonymous wrote:And I am kind of dreading the free events and no ticket required scene. I also think he would feel emasculated if I started paying for nicer dates. Don’t mind buying tickets or dinner now and then but always living the life of free/cheap/public is going to get old really fast I think. Which is a pity, bc I like him, but already foreseeing that crappy vacations, appreciating nature bc we have to, and not great music could start dividing us. Sigh.

I am in the same boat, and really hesitated on being anything other than casual with him. HOWEVER, I now realize, some months later, that he is an incredible human being, and that is worth more than going out to eat at an expensive restaurant. I do that with other friends if I really feel the need to.

Wow, is it 1950 where you live. 40% of US households have female breadwinners.

You earn your own money, if you enjoy his company there is nothing wrong in you treating.

But sounds like your notion of a man is “provider” so you should cut this dude loose to find his easy going match.

My deepest sympathies on your loss.

I’m so sorry, OP.

And I am kind of dreading the free events and no ticket required scene. I also think he would feel emasculated if I started paying for nicer dates. Don’t mind buying tickets or dinner now and then but always living the life of free/cheap/public is going to get old really fast I think. Which is a pity, bc I like him, but already foreseeing that crappy vacations, appreciating nature bc we have to, and not great music could start dividing us. Sigh.