Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I’m one of four. Let me tell you a success story - not at all saying that this is universal, just an anecdote to show how great 4 kids can be.
I love it. It was an amazing way to grow up. My siblings and I are not all close all the time, but there’s a baseline level of love and support and I know I can rely on them for anything.
My parents both worked. My dad was breadwinner and worked 9-4, my mom is a nurse and worked evenings and weekends for much of her career. It was a grind for them, but they made it happen and even managed to put us through private school. We didn’t really go on vacation and we didn’t have really nice clothes or shoes or anything, but I didn’t really care about that until I was high school age. When I was in college, my mom went back to school for her masters and started working full time again.
When I had my first, my MIL (who only has two kids and has no filter) made a comment to me about how families with more kids than parents make her sad because the younger kids don’t get enough attention. I was shocked because I had literally never considered my upbringing this way. If anyone, the younger siblings got more attention because the older ones were obsessed with them and wanted to help. When the older siblings left the house, the younger ones got more 1:1 time with my parents.
All of this is to say that big families can be incredible!

This sounds awful, sorry. And your MIL was right!

PP. I promise you I have way better memories of my family’s camping trips than DH has of his family’s fancy vacations to Europe. It’s almost like being materialistic doesn’t make you happy??

NP. You’re so defensive it’s obvious you’re insecure about your upbringing, which is fine. Having money is always better than not. Being lmc or poor is not fun and it will be even more awful in the future.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I’m one of four. Let me tell you a success story - not at all saying that this is universal, just an anecdote to show how great 4 kids can be.
I love it. It was an amazing way to grow up. My siblings and I are not all close all the time, but there’s a baseline level of love and support and I know I can rely on them for anything.
My parents both worked. My dad was breadwinner and worked 9-4, my mom is a nurse and worked evenings and weekends for much of her career. It was a grind for them, but they made it happen and even managed to put us through private school. We didn’t really go on vacation and we didn’t have really nice clothes or shoes or anything, but I didn’t really care about that until I was high school age. When I was in college, my mom went back to school for her masters and started working full time again.
When I had my first, my MIL (who only has two kids and has no filter) made a comment to me about how families with more kids than parents make her sad because the younger kids don’t get enough attention. I was shocked because I had literally never considered my upbringing this way. If anyone, the younger siblings got more attention because the older ones were obsessed with them and wanted to help. When the older siblings left the house, the younger ones got more 1:1 time with my parents.
All of this is to say that big families can be incredible!

This sounds awful, sorry. And your MIL was right!

PP. I promise you I have way better memories of my family’s camping trips than DH has of his family’s fancy vacations to Europe. It’s almost like being materialistic doesn’t make you happy??

I'm also pregnant with my 5th and I feel terrible. My fourth child was so easy that we feel like she didn't count. Slept through the night, smooth sailing, hits her milestones.

I have a 6 year old with special needs.

I’m pregnant with my 5th and my oldest is almost 9. I’ve loved having 4 kids. The youngest is almost 2 so she’s still kind of a baby but the older three are built-in best friends. I’m not sure how it works with your oldest and autism, but I love how responsible my older kids are with their younger siblings, especially when we are out and about. Having “older” kids is a game changer with new babies.

Anonymous wrote:OP, I’m one of four. Let me tell you a success story - not at all saying that this is universal, just an anecdote to show how great 4 kids can be.
I love it. It was an amazing way to grow up. My siblings and I are not all close all the time, but there’s a baseline level of love and support and I know I can rely on them for anything.
My parents both worked. My dad was breadwinner and worked 9-4, my mom is a nurse and worked evenings and weekends for much of her career. It was a grind for them, but they made it happen and even managed to put us through private school. We didn’t really go on vacation and we didn’t have really nice clothes or shoes or anything, but I didn’t really care about that until I was high school age. When I was in college, my mom went back to school for her masters and started working full time again.
When I had my first, my MIL (who only has two kids and has no filter) made a comment to me about how families with more kids than parents make her sad because the younger kids don’t get enough attention. I was shocked because I had literally never considered my upbringing this way. If anyone, the younger siblings got more attention because the older ones were obsessed with them and wanted to help. When the older siblings left the house, the younger ones got more 1:1 time with my parents.
All of this is to say that big families can be incredible!

This sounds awful, sorry. And your MIL was right!

OP, I’m one of four. Let me tell you a success story - not at all saying that this is universal, just an anecdote to show how great 4 kids can be.
I love it. It was an amazing way to grow up. My siblings and I are not all close all the time, but there’s a baseline level of love and support and I know I can rely on them for anything.
My parents both worked. My dad was breadwinner and worked 9-4, my mom is a nurse and worked evenings and weekends for much of her career. It was a grind for them, but they made it happen and even managed to put us through private school. We didn’t really go on vacation and we didn’t have really nice clothes or shoes or anything, but I didn’t really care about that until I was high school age. When I was in college, my mom went back to school for her masters and started working full time again.
When I had my first, my MIL (who only has two kids and has no filter) made a comment to me about how families with more kids than parents make her sad because the younger kids don’t get enough attention. I was shocked because I had literally never considered my upbringing this way. If anyone, the younger siblings got more attention because the older ones were obsessed with them and wanted to help. When the older siblings left the house, the younger ones got more 1:1 time with my parents.
All of this is to say that big families can be incredible!

Anonymous wrote:I have three kids under 5 - 4, 22 months, and infant. They are amazing but I will never have another child. I love my career and can’t imagine giving my kids what they need and having a thriving career. But if you have the money and it works for your family you should go for it!

*I meant I can’t imagine giving four kids what they need and having a thriving career.

I have three kids under 5 - 4, 22 months, and infant. They are amazing but I will never have another child. I love my career and can’t imagine giving my kids what they need and having a thriving career. But if you have the money and it works for your family you should go for it!

Op again. I’m 36. The pp who said 4 was requiring lots of adjustment, tell me more. I’ve heard going from 3 to 4 is often less of a big deal, but I’m very curious w/ our similar circumstances what’s coming up for your family.

How far along are you and how old are you? I’m surprise pregnant with #4 and while we had talked about it before it’s def different when it actually happens and you start thinking logistics and all the ways your life will change. I seat with infertility in the past and expected to have a miscarriage due to that and age but I’m now almost 18 weeks and everything looks good (though I feel like crap). I had to adopt a “what will be will be” mentality for this. And now the bigger kids excitement is pushing me toward feeing good about it!

I've got a 6, 4, 2, and 6 month old. I love them all dearly and no regrets. Like you, my oldest has challenges and needs a lot of supports. Having three was fairly manageable; four is requiring a lot of adjustment. Just be prepared that you might have to make career decisions to care for them all.

Op here. Mine are 7, 5, and 2.5. Oldest is on the spectrum, and we have so enjoyed the closeness our younger two have enjoyed. In theory I’d figured, if I have another on the spectrum, a built in best friend for my oldest. If not, more in the gang for everyone.

I love having 4 kids, now ages 25, 29, 29, and 35. So no, not criminally insane, and the fact you were considering it means you might be a candidate for this task.

How old are the 3 kids you already have?

Currently pregnant with #4 so can't say 100% for sure, but I'd say if you can afford it, then go for it! And to be clear, my definition of "afford" is perhaps also different than others... I'm of the opinion that kids primarily need love and a stable home, parents who can guide them through life, and a good public school education supplemented with a few extra curriculars here and there can absolutely grow them into very successful people. Yes, if you work you'll need daycare/nanny, but those years are short - short term pain for long term gain...

I say this because I think the rest is details - we live in an age where there's so much *stuff* marketed to parents that just isn't necessary - fancy vacations, fancy clothes, all the baby and kid gear, of which 90% isn't needed, etc. I'm assuming if you already have 3, you already have a home - really all that 4th child needs is to find their place in your heart and in your family dynamic, which will certainly happen.

For more context, I'm a working mom, kids are 5, 3 and 1 - I'm the main breadwinner and I've just forced my career around my family - I put them first and always will. Yes, there are always challenges but over the years I feel like my love for my family and wanting to provide for them has actually made me more determined to keep working and find that ideal work/life balance.

In short, no I don't think 4 is "insane" - my personal opinion is that some people limit themselves to fewer because they haven't learnt to let go a little and embrace a little chaos and uncertainty.

Whatever you decide, good luck!!

Was considering 4 in theory, but this has taken me completely by surprise… I’m about to go back to school for a second career and the timing isn’t great. I’m a little exhilarated but also scared shitless.

Anyone who’s been there have advice? Is 4 criminally insane?