Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd spend $40 on a gift and a card and a cake. Keep in mind that you, as a family, celebrating her birthday could be a turning point in the relationship.

Yes, you should spend $40 total for a card, gift and cake for someone you have ostensibly brought in to be be part of your family for a year + if the turning point you’re trying to achieve is permanently severing the relationship.

It's more than I give my spouse or kids.

And the au pair gets paid to be there.

Anonymous wrote:Ughhh don't go overboard. We were just in a similar situation and paid for the au pair to attend a trip w/ the au pair company (at the company's urging). It was $320. I completely regret it b/c the au pair was not grateful, just in passing mentioned thanks and basically said that the other girls all had their trips paid for and didn't have it count as a present!?! That was the tipping point and we fired her 2 weeks later.

Did you ask her if she wanted to go?

It is a job for her. Be real, a low paying job. $100 gift card.

Anonymous wrote:Does she even get along with your kids?

This sounds so unpleasant.

OP Here- it's still early, but it's been a mixed bag. The kids definitely feel the difference from our last au pairs, and it's hard to tell yet how much is missing our last one (who was amazing) versus not getting along well with the new au pair.

Ughhh don't go overboard. We were just in a similar situation and paid for the au pair to attend a trip w/ the au pair company (at the company's urging). It was $320. I completely regret it b/c the au pair was not grateful, just in passing mentioned thanks and basically said that the other girls all had their trips paid for and didn't have it count as a present!?! That was the tipping point and we fired her 2 weeks later.

The cake alone would be $30, then a card $5, so the gift card would be for $5, you made my day, can't stop laughing

Dinner to a restaurant of her choosing and a gift card of 100.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd spend $40 on a gift and a card and a cake. Keep in mind that you, as a family, celebrating her birthday could be a turning point in the relationship.

Yes, you should spend $40 total for a card, gift and cake for someone you have ostensibly brought in to be be part of your family for a year + if the turning point you’re trying to achieve is permanently severing the relationship.

It's sad that you show your love through money. In my family we show love through attention.

Anonymous wrote:I'd spend $40 on a gift and a card and a cake. Keep in mind that you, as a family, celebrating her birthday could be a turning point in the relationship.

Yes, you should spend $40 total for a card, gift and cake for someone you have ostensibly brought in to be be part of your family for a year + if the turning point you’re trying to achieve is permanently severing the relationship.

In a similar position, we took our au pair out to dinner at a restaurant with the kind of food she asked for & celebrated w/ a cake, random presents our kids made her & a $200 gift certificate to something we thought she'd like to do. In our case, she does not compare negatively to past au pairs though and seems good all around so far.

I'd spend $40 on a gift and a card and a cake. Keep in mind that you, as a family, celebrating her birthday could be a turning point in the relationship.

Small Bath and body set with card/drawing from the children, a cake shared all together and some $ if you can...

Signed a former ap who didnt spend much time with my host family because i was shy and tired from working the 45 hours... i needed time alone.

Its still early in the relationship, im sure you can get closer 😉

Does she even get along with your kids?

This sounds so unpleasant.

$100 cash or gift card to a local place, card from kids and maybe a small cake or cupcakes to share with kids. If she ends up being a great fit you can give her a bigger farewell gift at the end of her year/almost her next bday.
We've hosted au pairs for years and I always held off on being too extravagant at the beginning. If ap is already being more transactional I wouldn't give her a huge bday gift at this point in your relationship.

We just recently got a new au pair, and this is the first time our au pair's birthday has come up within the first month of her arriving (just how it worked out). We usually know the au pair better and have a good idea of the mesh with the family and what they like to determine birthday gifts- but it being this early we are at a real loss as to what/how much to give her.

What are other people getting au pairs for birthdays? Is there an idea of a budget people try to stick to?

Another factor- all of our prior au pairs had really melded into family. This new au pair treats the position as a job, and has made it clear she does not see the program as a family/cultural meld. She does not want to participate in family events, activities, games, etc. That's fine- we can accept that, but it's making it harder to think about gifts/ how much to spend under the circumstances.