Anonymous
Post 07/25/2023 22:22     Subject: Re:My sister's husband is the best and yep, I am envious
Anonymous wrote:OP, I've felt this way. I try to just ignore it and shake it off (and would never admit it out loud to anyone) but sometimes it's hard not to.

The feeling is strongest when my DH's biggest flaws are juxtaposed against someone else's DH's best qualities. Like recently we had a picnic with friends and then were packing up to go home, and the men were both helping our kids into our respective cars. My friend's DH was singing a little song and joking with their 4 yr old, who was giggling incessantly and clapping her hands. My DH was standing over our DC, who was trying to put the straps on in their car seat, and saying "That's wrong. That's wrong. That's wrong. You're doing it wrong," over and over. Which is also a tone of voice he occasionally takes with me. Sigh.

In moments like that, it's hard not to feel jealous. Sure, you can't know what goes on in other people's homes and everyone has flaws, but... it's hard not to think about it.



+1 million I'm struggling with this right now as my husband has become very difficult and emotionally abusive over the past 5 years and I watch some of theses husbands (and read a post like this one) that just fill me with jealousy and longing. I would have loved to experience a life like that for even a day and watching someone else have SO MUCH of a great relationship and family life just breaks my heart even more.
Anonymous
Post 07/25/2023 21:33     Subject: Re:My sister's husband is the best and yep, I am envious
OP, I've felt this way. I try to just ignore it and shake it off (and would never admit it out loud to anyone) but sometimes it's hard not to.

The feeling is strongest when my DH's biggest flaws are juxtaposed against someone else's DH's best qualities. Like recently we had a picnic with friends and then were packing up to go home, and the men were both helping our kids into our respective cars. My friend's DH was singing a little song and joking with their 4 yr old, who was giggling incessantly and clapping her hands. My DH was standing over our DC, who was trying to put the straps on in their car seat, and saying "That's wrong. That's wrong. That's wrong. You're doing it wrong," over and over. Which is also a tone of voice he occasionally takes with me. Sigh.

In moments like that, it's hard not to feel jealous. Sure, you can't know what goes on in other people's homes and everyone has flaws, but... it's hard not to think about it.
Anonymous
Post 07/25/2023 21:28     Subject: My sister's husband is the best and yep, I am envious
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Don't judge someone's outside. Trust me, I thought the exact same about my BIL. Turns out he as anger issues that only come out at home when the doors were closed. On my sister, and the kids. You truly never know.



I do know - he's really a kind dude.


I'm telling you, I thought the exact same thing. You honestly don't know what really goes on at someone's home.


But OP’s BIL may be exactly what she thinks he is so it’s not necessary to convince herself that he’s really a closet jerk.

OP, I hope you can get to a point where you can be happy for your sister and appreciate what you do have. Jealousy is really dangerous for your long-term happiness and well-being. Visit a therapist if you need help processing your feelings. Good luck!
Anonymous
Post 07/25/2023 20:58     Subject: My sister's husband is the best and yep, I am envious
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:

How do some women have all the luck! Do they cast a spell!


It's not luck, and no one is casting any spells. It's being selective. My DH is the most amazing person I've ever met. Twenty years of a better life than I ever could have imagined. I dated some jerks for sure -- I knew better than to marry them. People need to hold out.

This! My parents told me not to settle and I didn't that was some of the best advice they gave me.
Anonymous
Post 07/25/2023 20:49     Subject: My sister's husband is the best and yep, I am envious
Wow! I'm jelly too lol
Anonymous
Post 07/25/2023 20:47     Subject: My sister's husband is the best and yep, I am envious
Anonymous wrote:

How do some women have all the luck! Do they cast a spell!


It's not luck, and no one is casting any spells. It's being selective. My DH is the most amazing person I've ever met. Twenty years of a better life than I ever could have imagined. I dated some jerks for sure -- I knew better than to marry them. People need to hold out.
Anonymous
Post 07/25/2023 19:31     Subject: My sister's husband is the best and yep, I am envious
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Don't judge someone's outside. Trust me, I thought the exact same about my BIL. Turns out he as anger issues that only come out at home when the doors were closed. On my sister, and the kids. You truly never know.



I do know - he's really a kind dude.


I'm telling you, I thought the exact same thing. You honestly don't know what really goes on at someone's home.
Anonymous
Post 07/25/2023 19:27     Subject: My sister's husband is the best and yep, I am envious
My DH does all this except the foot rub. Must discuss with him immediately - thanks for the idea!
Anonymous
Post 07/25/2023 19:26     Subject: Re:My sister's husband is the best and yep, I am envious
You can be envious without being jealous.

Be happy for her. He adds to your family at the end of the day, and you benefit from that too. When you have kids, they will have a cool uncle-in-law.
Anonymous
Post 07/25/2023 19:25     Subject: My sister's husband is the best and yep, I am envious
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Don't judge someone's outside. Trust me, I thought the exact same about my BIL. Turns out he as anger issues that only come out at home when the doors were closed. On my sister, and the kids. You truly never know.



I do know - he's really a kind dude.


NP here. You don't know. I also thought that about by BIL until decades later when everything came out.
Anonymous
Post 07/25/2023 19:24     Subject: My sister's husband is the best and yep, I am envious
Anonymous wrote:Are you attracted to him sexually?


No...
Anonymous
Post 07/25/2023 19:24     Subject: My sister's husband is the best and yep, I am envious
Are you attracted to him sexually?
Anonymous
Post 07/25/2023 19:22     Subject: My sister's husband is the best and yep, I am envious
Anonymous wrote:Don't judge someone's outside. Trust me, I thought the exact same about my BIL. Turns out he as anger issues that only come out at home when the doors were closed. On my sister, and the kids. You truly never know.



I do know - he's really a kind dude.
Anonymous
Post 07/25/2023 19:20     Subject: My sister's husband is the best and yep, I am envious
Don't judge someone's outside. Trust me, I thought the exact same about my BIL. Turns out he as anger issues that only come out at home when the doors were closed. On my sister, and the kids. You truly never know.

Anonymous
Post 07/25/2023 19:18     Subject: My sister's husband is the best and yep, I am envious
Posting here since this isn't something I can admit out loud! And need to get it out!
Her husband is attractive, kind, funny, has a good job and DOES SO MUCH AROUND THE HOUSE. Super hands-on dad, cooks dinner almost every night, coaches their kids' sports, puts up with her many neurotic qualities, oh and rubs her feet every night while they watch TV! Oh and he cooks for my parents too. And is faithful.

How do some women have all the luck! Do they cast a spell!