Anonymous wrote:I hear this complaint a lot about grandparents, often enough that I think it can just be an awkward way to make connections and contribute to the conversation. Of course, in some cases it might be intended to hurt. But I think it's common enough that I wouldn't assume the worst.

Maybe a way to change the dynamic would be to ask her what her experiences as a parent, and about your own childhood. "Baby doesn't really like tummy time, but I know we're supposed to do it. What was the advice when I was a baby? Did I like tummy time?"

This is how I frame it for myself b/c my mom does the same thing, but I think she feels it's part of the exchange in conversation. Sometimes I wonder if she was that annoying mom when I was a kid who would follow up anyone's story about their kid with one about me or my siblings.

Anonymous wrote:What’s up with the mother, grandmother and MIL bashing over this? This character trait isn’t limited to them. Many people of all stripes do this ALL THE TIME. Yes, it’s annoy AF but old ladies haven’t cornered the market on it. We can’t have anything to do with our younger, male next door neighbor because he does the SAME EXACT THING and it bores the rest of us to tears.

Old ladies kind have cornered the market on this.

Anonymous wrote:Thisnis very common. My mother in law is like this and always was. I get stories about people i don't know (neighbors, etc) that are kind of relevant to whats up in our lives. Its how they relate to people. She is lovely but has no idea how to have a conversation, listen to someone, ask questions, empathize, move the conversation forward. Her way of relating is to monolog and share a closely related story. Its just her way. I use to be annoyed but then overheard her tall about me and my kids in the same way to someone.

I think this is a good point about how some people converse. If these were two people in a similar life situation (both talking about their own babies),the MIL would probably still be sharing her own experiences. It would still be annoying but less weird: "Your baby does A? Well, my baby does B. Let me tell you all about it." But in the case of a grandparent rather than a parent, they have to stretch for similar stories from coworkers or from their other kids.

My sister does this. And she’s not a Mil or grandmother. I can only imagine how annoying she will be to her children and future FIL/ SIL. It annoys tf out of me.

What’s up with the mother, grandmother and MIL bashing over this? This character trait isn’t limited to them. Many people of all stripes do this ALL THE TIME. Yes, it’s annoy AF but old ladies haven’t cornered the market on it. We can’t have anything to do with our younger, male next door neighbor because he does the SAME EXACT THING and it bores the rest of us to tears.

Anonymous wrote:I hear this complaint a lot about grandparents, often enough that I think it can just be an awkward way to make connections and contribute to the conversation. Of course, in some cases it might be intended to hurt. But I think it's common enough that I wouldn't assume the worst.

Maybe a way to change the dynamic would be to ask her what her experiences as a parent, and about your own childhood. "Baby doesn't really like tummy time, but I know we're supposed to do it. What was the advice when I was a baby? Did I like tummy time?"

+1. Great suggestion. Plus, I found it fun to hear about the advice people got about babies in the past.

Thisnis very common. My mother in law is like this and always was. I get stories about people i don't know (neighbors, etc) that are kind of relevant to whats up in our lives. Its how they relate to people. She is lovely but has no idea how to have a conversation, listen to someone, ask questions, empathize, move the conversation forward. Her way of relating is to monolog and share a closely related story. Its just her way. I use to be annoyed but then overheard her tall about me and my kids in the same way to someone.

My mom does this all the time. Things are always about her.
I usually don’t tell her much and if I do it’s just to make conversation not to actually share things.

Maybe she’s doing the opposite to other people. Maybe she does talk about you & grandchild to other people.

Still annoying conversation, but I bet she is proud of you too.

My IL is like that the rare times I’m able to share something about my life. She also yawns as soon as I start talking or starts falling asleep. It’s hard to just sit there and listen to her monologue and I have a high workload so nowadays I just opt out of visits unless it’s necessary to go. It could be an old person behavior.

Wow I can’t believe other people
Feel like me and experience the same or similar. The person that said topping my stories @ that’s exactly what i meant. there is always someone’s babies doing the same or more advance stuff than my baby . It’s just too much of a coincidence to have similar stories . I just want to learn how to re direct the conversation and feel I can manage the situation withou being hurtful .

My mother does this nonstop. I feel you OP. I hate it.

I hear this complaint a lot about grandparents, often enough that I think it can just be an awkward way to make connections and contribute to the conversation. Of course, in some cases it might be intended to hurt. But I think it's common enough that I wouldn't assume the worst.

Maybe a way to change the dynamic would be to ask her what her experiences as a parent, and about your own childhood. "Baby doesn't really like tummy time, but I know we're supposed to do it. What was the advice when I was a baby? Did I like tummy time?"

My parents are like this. If I tell them anything about my kid, they will immediately relate a story about either one of their friend's grandkids or one of my nieces and nephews. And while I don't think this is on purpose, it is done in a way that makes it seem like they are "topping" my story. So if I tell them my DD did a great job at my dance recital, they will not respond to that story but immediately launch into a story about how my nephew's baseball team won a state championship, or how their neighbor's granddaughter can play two instruments very well.

It is weird and I don't like it. I don't think they are being intentionally hurtful but it does make me feel like they don't care about my kid and are not interested in my life.

When I was a kid, they were similar. They didn't really seem that interested in my life and often compared me to my older siblings. Perhaps they just do not like me very much. I don't know.

Well let’s break down how I feel about my mom. I love my mom first of all but I notice since she retired she is been so intense in her communication or maybe I didn’t know before because she was sways busy . She is a very smart women And work all her life as an engineer. Recently, I notice she is self observed and every time I tell her an anecdote about me and my new baby she starts talking about her ex-coworker babies that are similar age to my baby.
At the beginning I was like okay mom cool when she talks about her two ex coworkers ther had babies too during the same time as me.
But now it’s getting annoying . For example , today I called her to tell her my baby is smiling and laughing and doing more tummy time . Then she processed to talk about this people that I don’t know and most of the conversation was about them . For a second I was like how can she not listen to my stories but I had to listen to Hers. I wonder if she is just so self center because she was a boss before and everybody listen and love her .or she is just old and cel centered . I know she is not narcissistic because she loves me and my baby but the audacity to always talk about others ppl that I don’t know instead of listening to me really frustrated me.
I wanted to ask my sister if they feel like me but then i feel I will start a drama . What do you think I should do ?
Old people gets like this