I’m sorry but the “no mommy’s little helper” comment is so gross and unnecessary! How in 2023 are we still not raising our boys to be less helpful than our girls? My mind is truly blown.

Anyway I have the same age gap. I put the youngest one to bed first and then each of the oldest picked a book and we read them together. I also think screens is fine in a pinch.

Read oen of each type of book. They can hold their choice when it’s not being read and look through it on their own but can’t interrupt. Get the 2yo a busy board or water wow book while reading so he sits quietly. Then the two older boys into their rooms and you go in to give each of them a big hug and a kiss, then put the baby to bed. I’m almost always solo at bedtime so our routine is based around that idea — I do read every night but focused 1:1 conversation is not a bedtime thing because bedtime is necessarily a family activity. If you’re going to be solo a lot, consider putting aside time for 1:1 quality time earlier in the day. If this is a one-off, hopefully your DH will be back soon?

I have twins. We didn’t read every night. Some nights we sang nursery rhymes and some nights we’d play little games (we each take turns coming up with an item that fits a certain criterion until nobody can think of any more, like we’d each name a different flavor of pie or type of vehicle or animal that lives in the jungle), and other nights the kids would each get a turn to show off something new that they’d learned or something they were good at (might be a dance move, a cartwheel, a knock-knock joke, whatever they felt like doing), and some nights we’d turn down the lights and listen to soft music and I’d lead them in some stretching to get them relaxed. Once in a while, we’d all snuggle in my king size bed together and I’d make up a story featuring them as the protagonists. When they were a bit older, sometimes we’d listen to an ASMR video.

Basically, on the nights that it’s too much to do three separate bedtimes, you can make bedtime a communal experience. Also, my kids get ready for bed more quickly when I remind them that the faster they get ready, the more time we’ll have for the tuck in portion of the evening.

Do you have to do reading at bedtime?

I also solo parent, like you Op, and found that moving reading together at bedtime doesn't work so it's done at a different part of the day (2 yo is early riser so we read together then, for example, especially since it's quiet and eases him into the day).

Same with bath and teeth brushing. Typically, within an hour after dinner (after they've runoff energy and are warm) so then an hour or so later when it's bedtime they're not procrastinating about baths/showers (or teethbrushing) and it's easier on me.

It took a bit of time of trial & error and the baby, of course, can be a wildcard on some nights, but overall it works for me.

Mine are 11, 13, and 14 now, so this was a while ago for me.
When they were that age, DH wasn’t home much in the evenings. Every day after dinner, we went for a walk or down to the playground, then came home and put on pajamas and brushed teeth and watched an old episode of Bill Nye.
After that, I read stories in my 2 year old’s room. She was still in he crib at the time, so that kept her contained. Then I just put the two older boys to bed.
My oldest was in kindergarten at the time, so I had some 1:1 reading time of his choosing in the morning because he had to get up earlier than the other kids.

I actually still read to them as a group most nights. Nighttime reading is my choice, not kid’s choice. When they were that age, it was a lot of Roald Dahl.

You gotta get over the different book thing. In an ideal world, you have two adults at home and each can read with a different kid. But that’s not how it works for the vast majority of the time. Read whatever non fiction book with your oldest at a different time - carve out 10 mins after breakfast or earlier in the evening and devote it to his interest. Almost 6 is old enough to understand he can still sit quietly and listen to a bedtime story with his brothers for 5 minutes even if it isn’t his favorite. Does he know how to read yet? Maybe have him be super big helper by reading to his brother. My kids all love the rhyming, sing song books like those written by Julia Donaldson. And The Prince at Bedtime. Somewhere between ‘100 big trucks’ and ‘a history of supernovas.’

And let the older kids sit in bed with their book of choice and flash lights after the story while you get the 2yo in bed.

As for the other aspects of bedtime, do what you need to do. Easy dinners, paper plates, skip baths, daddy’s T-shirt for PJs, whatever to get thru!

Also -- you sound like a really great mom! It is incredible that at the end of a long day you are thinking about ensuring they get 1:1 time to the extent that you are! I hope you don't take the "cut the routine" down posts as dismissive of that effort and care!

I would read the kind of books your oldest likes at different times than bedtime. I had to do that with my similar DD. We read a very low key book that both kids are interested in and then that is it. I never ever deviate from the one book when I am solo so they don't even ask anymore. We do reading time on weekends and after school/daycare so I feel fine about being business like at bedtime!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mom you are overdoing this and killing yourself just when you likely need a break. They can take turns with books (ie it was larlos turn to pick last night). If they dont sit still for the book or complain then they go straight to bed. I would maybe do the two year old an hour early if he needs more sleep (probably not if he’s napping though.)

he's currently often last because of his nap. I have a hard time getting the other 2 down before him though so when i'm on my own without another adult to entertain him, the older ones also just end up staying up later. i'm hoping in a year or so when he drops his nap, i can knock everyone out much more easily since he can go down first

Ok then everyone together up to bed brush teeth bath whatever. Mom reads to everyone two books. Kids take turns picking different days. Then Kids get in bed lights out and you sit with two year old with no talking if he needs extra supervision.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Come with a routine that involves everyone. Especially the 4 and 5 year old should be able to be put to bed together. Kids brush their teeth and put pajamas on together. Each one picks one book and you read together. If they interrupt too much, they have to leave the room. Move up the routine earlier and let them read with a nightlight in bed for a while. If you are regularly doing bedtime by yourself, make it easier.

The 4 and 5 year old are just so far apart in understanding and interests to combine. The 5 (almost 6yo) is one of those genius nerdy kids that wants the late elementary national geographic books (i don't say that in a braggy way) where i'm googling explanations of physics topics to answer his questions and the 4yo wants short stories about trucks (he has many many wonderful things too...just very very different from the 5yo). I do occasionally combine them when needed and we end up reading a Bernstein bears type book that is fine but not particularly right for either of them for their only time being read to each day.

But yes I could knock out some of the routine all at the same time so there's less time they each need to be occupied separately

I wonder if you could find another time to read to your 5 year old, and have them share a story with the purpose of winding down. Maybe you read over breakfast, or you do an audio book that interests him in the car.

If the 2 year old isn't really ready to sleep when the other two are, then he can do the same bedtime routine with his brothers, and then you can do some quiet 1:1 play in his bedroom.

Anonymous wrote:Mom you are overdoing this and killing yourself just when you likely need a break. They can take turns with books (ie it was larlos turn to pick last night). If they dont sit still for the book or complain then they go straight to bed. I would maybe do the two year old an hour early if he needs more sleep (probably not if he’s napping though.)

he's currently often last because of his nap. I have a hard time getting the other 2 down before him though so when i'm on my own without another adult to entertain him, the older ones also just end up staying up later. i'm hoping in a year or so when he drops his nap, i can knock everyone out much more easily since he can go down first

Mom you are overdoing this and killing yourself just when you likely need a break. They can take turns with books (ie it was larlos turn to pick last night). If they dont sit still for the book or complain then they go straight to bed. I would maybe do the two year old an hour early if he needs more sleep (probably not if he’s napping though.)

Anonymous wrote:Come with a routine that involves everyone. Especially the 4 and 5 year old should be able to be put to bed together. Kids brush their teeth and put pajamas on together. Each one picks one book and you read together. If they interrupt too much, they have to leave the room. Move up the routine earlier and let them read with a nightlight in bed for a while. If you are regularly doing bedtime by yourself, make it easier.

The 4 and 5 year old are just so far apart in understanding and interests to combine. The 5 (almost 6yo) is one of those genius nerdy kids that wants the late elementary national geographic books (i don't say that in a braggy way) where i'm googling explanations of physics topics to answer his questions and the 4yo wants short stories about trucks (he has many many wonderful things too...just very very different from the 5yo). I do occasionally combine them when needed and we end up reading a Bernstein bears type book that is fine but not particularly right for either of them for their only time being read to each day.

But yes I could knock out some of the routine all at the same time so there's less time they each need to be occupied separately

Come with a routine that involves everyone. Especially the 4 and 5 year old should be able to be put to bed together. Kids brush their teeth and put pajamas on together. Each one picks one book and you read together. If they interrupt too much, they have to leave the room. Move up the routine earlier and let them read with a nightlight in bed for a while. If you are regularly doing bedtime by yourself, make it easier.

DH is gone a lot so I'm regularly putting my almost 2, 4, and 5yos to bed myself (all boys...no mommy's little helper, not that I'd necessarily have one if my oldest was a girl). I have had a college student come help in the evening...playing with the ones not being putting to bed while I put each to bed and then cleaning up kitchen. When I don't have her, it doesn't go as well b/c the 2yo often goes to bed last b/c of naps and I default to parking everyone on screens so I can given each one a calm 1:1 bedtime with the books and convo they enjoy.

Is there a way to do this better on my own? What do your young kids do while you put other kids to bed? The 5 and 4yo are at wildly different places in terms of books they want (5yo - complex nonfiction or chapter books, 4yo goodnight goodnight construction site) and if they join each others they just interrupt what doesn't interest them and fight. The 2yo obviously wont sit calmly through anyone else's bedtime. I want to drop the helper but also want to prioritize everyone having a calm bedtime with time to read what they enjoy since we don't have time for that at other parts of the day.