The pulling oneself up by the bootstraps talk would annoy me for sure. I hope I'm not smug in general, but as someone who has a sister with jealous tendencies, I will say that she only sees what she wants to see when it comes to my life. I don't complain about my problems, so she thinks I have none. I think she has an awesome life, frankly, but she has always seen herself as a victim. "Everything is SO HARD for me and SO EASY for her."

Your sister has problems, OP. Are they your problems? Maybe not. Are they bigger than your problems? Maybe not. But it shouldn't matter. You only have a full window into your own life, so comparing is going to be counterproductive.

I’m going to take a different path, OP. I’m all for dispelling the myth of meritocracy, but has your sister in any way (sort of) earned her good fortune? For example, choosing a lucrative career over a more sexy one (eg, lawyer versus nonprofit grant writer), dating quality but unappreciated men (the slight dork who moved into finance versus the bad boy who didn’t see the value in school), prioritizing long term finances over short term goals (a crappy apartment to save for a down payment)?

Said differently, is there anything you could learn from her and apply to your own life?

I ask because I could easily be your sister. For example, when I was in school, I knew many women who looked down at my now husband, who was very much a poor kid trying to improve his life. He was rough around the edges. More than a decade later, he’s a great husband and father and we’re multi-millionaires. There’s a huge element of dumb luck in us meeting, but I do think I saw something in him years ago that many other women missed. And now regret.

I’ve had a lot of luck and privilege in my own life, so I know how differently things could have gone for me. It’s part of the reason it’s important to me to give back. But I can also see both sides of things.

As for the smugness - PPs are right. Life hits us all hard. Your sister will have her challenges too. And know that whatever is challenging *you* now (and spurred this post) will also end. Good luck, OP.

Nothing is as it seems, OP. She may be miserable.

Anonymous wrote:There are degrees of tragedy though and some people genuinely have an easier life than others. It's certainly not the case that horrible tragedies will befall your sister.

+1

Also, how do you know your sister has not had her own tragedies? You do not seem like the type of sibling anyone might confide in. She might have several tragedies, for all you know. You seem instead to be looking for your sibling to fail - ask yourself why you are so jealous/envious of your own sister. Ask yourself why you can't be happy for other people, OP. This sounds like a you problem.

Her attitude will prevent her from having empathy and compassion for others; her connections will be more superficial. I wouldn’t want that for myself.

It’s great that she has had a wonderful life so far, but her attitude reflects a lack of emotional intelligence. As PP said, I would spend less time with her and focus on your own life.

There are degrees of tragedy though and some people genuinely have an easier life than others. It's certainly not the case that horrible tragedies will befall your sister.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was this person for many years until bad things happened to derail my smug little life. In retrospect I can’t believe how naive and judgmental I was. I thought life was really straightforward and linear and that you set a goal and then took the steps to achieve the goal. I knew people who occasionally got slammed by tragedy but I pretty much thought they were outliers. I am currently reeling from the revelation that input often doesn’t equal output (I.e. the hardest working moms will have the best kids, marriage, career etc.) and currently life feels really random to me

Op here. This has been me. I’ve been hit really hard with some misfortune over the past few years and life hasn’t since made any sense. Watching my sister breeze through life in a series of good fortune and watching her become more self impressed and smug is very annoying. She really thinks she has figured out life and is better than me because I was unlucky.

It sounds like you need to talk to her less. Keep convos short and sweet over text for a while. I think talking to a therapist would help.

Don't worry she'll be divorced and he'll have a trophy wife and new family in 10 years. Let her have the smug because it'll come crashing down. Money corrupts all.

OP how many threads have you started on DCUM about this? And how many threads are you going to keep starting?

Anonymous wrote:I was this person for many years until bad things happened to derail my smug little life. In retrospect I can’t believe how naive and judgmental I was. I thought life was really straightforward and linear and that you set a goal and then took the steps to achieve the goal. I knew people who occasionally got slammed by tragedy but I pretty much thought they were outliers. I am currently reeling from the revelation that input often doesn’t equal output (I.e. the hardest working moms will have the best kids, marriage, career etc.) and currently life feels really random to me

Op here. This has been me. I’ve been hit really hard with some misfortune over the past few years and life hasn’t since made any sense. Watching my sister breeze through life in a series of good fortune and watching her become more self impressed and smug is very annoying. She really thinks she has figured out life and is better than me because I was unlucky.

I was this person for many years until bad things happened to derail my smug little life. In retrospect I can’t believe how naive and judgmental I was. I thought life was really straightforward and linear and that you set a goal and then took the steps to achieve the goal. I knew people who occasionally got slammed by tragedy but I pretty much thought they were outliers. I am currently reeling from the revelation that input often doesn’t equal output (I.e. the hardest working moms will have the best kids, marriage, career etc.) and currently life feels really random to me

Anonymous wrote:My sister is a unicorn. Married rich. To a great guy who adores her. Perfect and loving in laws. Great job. Easy and successful pregnancy. House In a desirable location.

She is so happy and smug. Talking about how she worked so hard so she deserves this and we all need to work harder so we can fix our own lives. Ugh I hate her!

Good for her but don't her comparison be the thief of YOUR joy. And sadly, no one is immune from hard knocks, yes even your sister who has it all. She may be living the perfect life now but eventually there will be hiccups and failures and disappointments, just as there are with all of us. Trust me, no one gets to escape the realities of life. Focum more on what can make YOU happy and help YOU to evolve that you are not looking at her for comparison.

In every life, some rain must fall. It just hasn't happened to her yet.

I’m sorry. She sounds like life will blindside her at some point. In the meantime, how often do you have to see her?

My sister is a unicorn. Married rich. To a great guy who adores her. Perfect and loving in laws. Great job. Easy and successful pregnancy. House In a desirable location.

She is so happy and smug. Talking about how she worked so hard so she deserves this and we all need to work harder so we can fix our own lives. Ugh I hate her!