Nope. Move on.

She isn’t over the XH and you were smart to break up with her. She may have been dating you to try and get him jealous or to make herself feel better because she knew her XH was moving on. It doesn’t mean she didn’t care for you or even love you but she’s shown you she’s not over him and you are very smart to pay attention to her actions and her words.

As for something working out in the future with her? Maybe. But she needs to work on herself first. I know I was over my XH when he got remarried and I was genuinely happy for him. We’re not friends but there are zero feelings there. When your now ex-girlfriend gets to that point she’ll be healthy enough to date.

I’m not sure if this can work

Anonymous wrote:OP agree again. I also want to emphasize I’m not possessive. I don’t break up with her out of jealousy. I broke up with her because given how much divorce trauma she had, I wasn’t sure if she was actually dating me for me or if she just wanted a warm body to distract her from fully grieving her divorce. I’m divorced too. I’ve been there done that. My mind and heart are clear. I know I love this woman, not because I don’t want to be alone, but because of who she is. I’m also mature enough to know love is not always enough, if that were the case we’d both still be married .

Next time put the details in your post, before commenters invent their own narratives and derail the conversation.

What you describe above does sound like she wasn’t in the relationship for you. Yes, seems fair you broke up with her. I’m a woman and I hate when my partner throws me into emotional ups and downs, disappears, stop flirting out of a sudden etc.

OP agree again. I also want to emphasize I’m not possessive. I don’t break up with her out of jealousy. I broke up with her because given how much divorce trauma she had, I wasn’t sure if she was actually dating me for me or if she just wanted a warm body to distract her from fully grieving her divorce. I’m divorced too. I’ve been there done that. My mind and heart are clear. I know I love this woman, not because I don’t want to be alone, but because of who she is. I’m also mature enough to know love is not always enough, if that were the case we’d both still be married .

OP here. In the beginning she acted like she was over her ex. When he got engaged she started opening up about not being over him. That this engagement meant they were not getting back together (for me I thought divorce would indicate that, he filed). It came out that she was holding out hope for reconciliation (news to me). She would disappear and not communicate after finding out for a few days at a time. The continuity we had prior was broken, and she missed an important event we were supposed to do together because of it. She also became very grumpy after the engagement and would pick fights with me. We literally never had a single argument for a year, got along great. Then this engagement happened and everything changed. She suddenly was a bit unkind and didn’t want to talk about the future anymore and cut off affection. So I ended it. I’m divorced too and know how devestating it can be. She wasn’t in the post-divorce stage I thought she was in. She said she didn’t know she was this unsealed and apologized.

Anonymous wrote:For the past year I was dating a newly divorced woman. I normally wouldn’t do this, but made an exception because she’s wonderful. Our relationship has largely been amazing. Recently her ex husband got engaged. She experienced a lot of sadness around this. She and I were both surprised by her response. Eventually I ended things because it seemed she needed more time to heal. Do you think in time we could successfully rekindle things? I had grown to love her and think she’s very special.

You decided that she needed more time to heal? Do you usually determine others' emotional needs for them?

If you felt that you weren't ready to be with a newly divorced woman, that's fine. You deciding what she needs and acting on it is not fine. And now you want to put yourself into her life again?

Please stop screwing with this woman.

Go get her OP. You messed up.

You broke up with someone because you couldn’t help her through some sadness?

Does she have kids?

You broke up with her because you felt she needed more time to heal? That’s for her to decide, not you. But I think the reason I and PPs are reacting this way is because you did not give specifics about what exactly caused you to make that determination. Was it significantly impacting your relationship? Did she retreat, become distant, etc? How did her sadness manifest? That will give us a better idea about how to answer your question.

Also - did she agree with the breakup, and/or does she want to get back together? We cannot answer your question without this knowledge.

Anonymous wrote:For the past year I was dating a newly divorced woman. I normally wouldn’t do this, but made an exception because she’s wonderful. Our relationship has largely been amazing. Recently her ex husband got engaged. She experienced a lot of sadness around this. She and I were both surprised by her response. Eventually I ended things because it seemed she needed more time to heal. Do you think in time we could successfully rekindle things? I had grown to love her and think she’s very special.

You live once. You don’t drop people you love like that, assuming it won’t work out based on your own insecurities, projected past experiences etc. You should have offered her psychological support, perhaps suggest that she works with a psychologist if that was bothering her. Also, you need to look into yourself, too: how tolerant you are of partners emotions, how you handle conflict etc.

Yes. I got out of a 4 year relationship, began dating a man just a few days later (I know, I know). We have been married 15 years now.

Omg, if you love her, do not let this woman go because she got sad around the time her ex got remarried. I’m impressed she was open enough with you to tell you. As long as that wasn’t her excuse to bold, definitely try again.

People have histories and lives. Don’t be so insecure and possessive to assume your partner will never think of anyone else for the rest of their life.

For the past year I was dating a newly divorced woman. I normally wouldn’t do this, but made an exception because she’s wonderful. Our relationship has largely been amazing. Recently her ex husband got engaged. She experienced a lot of sadness around this. She and I were both surprised by her response. Eventually I ended things because it seemed she needed more time to heal. Do you think in time we could successfully rekindle things? I had grown to love her and think she’s very special.