Anonymous wrote:The only suggestion I have is to visit regularly but unpredictably.

+1. This is what my aunt, who is a nurse, had the family do for my grandparents. She had colleagues who had seen the abuse that happens, which is a result mainly of the low wages and low requirements for employees in those places.

My plan for old age is Dignitas in Switzerland, though.

I think I’ll move into an upscale hotel in my old age so even if I’m dead, I’ll be found quickly.

They dope them up and leave em in wheelchairs all day. Very sad.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are there any places with, or would allow, remote video monitoring?

How would that work if the person has one room where presumable he/she gets dressed. Also, in assisted living (not nursing home) there absolutely are the occasional couples that form and hook up. If you are worried about falls being neglected for hours, those often happen in bathroom, but I would not put a camera there and plenty of families have stories of mom being on the ground all day while people are at work because she refused a caregiver. I assume for liability protection most homes have their own cameras everywhere except in the room.

It happens in nursing homes too. If both parties are competent, they have a right to engage in relations and a right to privacy while doing so.

"How can government help?"

By addressing elder care with the same level of humanity and regulation they do child care.

In some states, caregivers in nursing homes only need to spend 1 1/2 TOTAL hours of hands-on care PER DAY on a resident. That includes bathing, dressing, help with eating, transferring to/from wheelchairs, etc.

When you think that a stroke patient (100% mentally cognizant) who has some paralysis needs help eating all three meals, there is your 1 1/2 per day. Essentially, the facility is good to go. Getting them in the wheelchair and out of their room to go to an activity is considered optional.

This is virtually impossible so overmedicating is the solution, even for those who have no real mental or physical problems other than frailty. It's much easier to keep them drugged, sleeping and in a diaper than have to keep them engaged, happy and as active as possible.

Imagine if the state/federal standard was 1 1/2 hours per day on a child in daycare and all other times the kids were drugged and napping? Didn't have to provide them with any kind of stimulating activity? Had caregivers who were criminals or had no training in child care? When a facility was found to be mold-infested, serving spoiled food? Any violation is essentially a minor fine for deep-pocket corporate owners who laugh all the way to the bank with their Medicaid checks and the resident's hard-earned life savings?

Well, that's what's happening in elder care.

Anonymous wrote:The only suggestion I have is to visit regularly but unpredictably.

+1

Anonymous wrote:Are there any places with, or would allow, remote video monitoring?

How would that work if the person has one room where presumable he/she gets dressed. Also, in assisted living (not nursing home) there absolutely are the occasional couples that form and hook up. If you are worried about falls being neglected for hours, those often happen in bathroom, but I would not put a camera there and plenty of families have stories of mom being on the ground all day while people are at work because she refused a caregiver. I assume for liability protection most homes have their own cameras everywhere except in the room.

Are there any places with, or would allow, remote video monitoring?

I just made sure they knew I’d visit several times a week.

We had no issue for aunt, uncle, one grandma and dad in assisted living/nursing home/memory care. To be honest, I feel dad received better care at Memory care than when he was with mom who was burned out, angry and resentful and HATED caregivers in the home even though she could come and go as she pleased.

One grandma had an issue, but she had angry, aggressive, abusive dementia. My aunt refused the level of care she needed and she lashed out physically and the person acted in self-defense. Once she was properly medicated she could be decent so staff could maintain their own composure.

If you are worried about not getting a diaper change right away or someone not coming with a fall, that happens in loving family homes too and I would not call it abuse. Did your toddler ever stay in a diaper a little too long?

If you mean physical assault or something like that we only had that one issue with grandma, and I can't imagine a family member would have let her attack either.

Makes sense.

The only suggestion I have is to visit regularly but unpredictably.

Except being there 24-7 there is nothing you can do to stop it. Usually each county, at least in MD has an Ombudsman program and you report abuse or neglect to them but all they can do is talk to the nursing home and nothing changes. My loved one had a huge bruise on her face and they never called to let us know or report it, which they should have. I had the ombudsman on speed dial.

Anonymous wrote:What's been your experience and how to avoid it? How can offspring's help without disrupting their own lives? How can government help? How can all of us help as society to give people comfort and dignity when they are helpless?

My parent is in a place where elder abuse isn't an issue at all. It's expensive though. Pay people more, I guess. That's one way.

We also make sure the staff know we are paying attention.

What's been your experience and how to avoid it? How can offspring's help without disrupting their own lives? How can government help? How can all of us help as society to give people comfort and dignity when they are helpless?