Anonymous wrote:No regrets, because i don't feel like there have been many trade offs. I was very driven during law school and the years immediately after, before having kids. I was married, but even working 10 hour days meant i was home by 7-ish every night and had weekends off. So plenty of time to spend with DH. When i had DS, i super downscaled for 2.5 years, then back to biglaw but on a part time basis until DS was around 6. He has special needs and extra challenges, so that allowed me to be super available during some tough years. Oh, and since K i've worked full time from home. As another PP mentioned, when you work hard and strategically and are high value to your organization, there's no reason you wouldn't have the flexibility to get these perks.

Since age 7 (for the last 5 years), i've been full bore into work. But still from home. I do bus pick up and drop off every day, help with homework at night, and generally spend gobs of time with DS and DH, but still work 10 hours a day. I have always had a place of peace regarding dumb mom-guilt, like the moms who volunteer in class all the time, the constant in class parties, etc. DS doesn't care, and i'm not going to create guilt for myself where i shouldn't.

So yeah, very happy because not too many trade offs.

Anonymous wrote:You’re asking specifically about relationships, so maybe this comment is irrelevant, but I think some of the other trade-offs of a “big” career + family are wrongly ignored. Things like sleep, exercise, stress management. Some people can handle more stress than others, absolutely, but SO many high-powered people and women especially run themselves ragged, at times to the point of illness.

Ultimately, you have to prioritize relationships. You can’t work long hours and spend sufficient time with kids AND spouse AND friends AND other family, not typically. But people have different needs on those fronts, too - it comes down to what you value.

Anonymous wrote:I leaned in when my kids were young and I don’t regret it one bit. By the time my youngest was 10, I was in the C suite and I now have a ton of flexibility in my time as I think they need me much more. I am able to spend a lot more time with them that is meaningful. I honestly don’t love babies or toddler stuff so this really worked for me.

That said, I have an incredibly involved husband who does his fair share — if not more than his fair share. And we can afford lots of outsourcing of mundane things like cooking and chores. He has definitely downshifted his career a bit so that I could move up.

My oldest has profound disabilities and will end up in a Medicaid funded facility. There will be plenty of money for my other kid to use to keep an eye on her.

While I am super close with my kids, I would also say I am generally more paternal than maternal by nature. I’m never riddled by guilt and I don’t care what other people think about my choices (other than my actual husband and kids). So this makes things easier.

Anonymous wrote:I leaned in when my kids were young and I don’t regret it one bit. By the time my youngest was 10, I was in the C suite and I now have a ton of flexibility in my time as I think they need me much more. I am able to spend a lot more time with them that is meaningful. I honestly don’t love babies or toddler stuff so this really worked for me.

That said, I have an incredibly involved husband who does his fair share — if not more than his fair share. And we can afford lots of outsourcing of mundane things like cooking and chores. He has definitely downshifted his career a bit so that I could move up.

My oldest has profound disabilities and will end up in a Medicaid funded facility. There will be plenty of money for my other kid to use to keep an eye on her.

While I am super close with my kids, I would also say I am generally more paternal than maternal by nature. I’m never riddled by guilt and I don’t care what other people think about my choices (other than my actual husband and kids). So this makes things easier.

Anonymous wrote:You’re asking specifically about relationships, so maybe this comment is irrelevant, but I think some of the other trade-offs of a “big” career + family are wrongly ignored. Things like sleep, exercise, stress management. Some people can handle more stress than others, absolutely, but SO many high-powered people and women especially run themselves ragged, at times to the point of illness.

Ultimately, you have to prioritize relationships. You can’t work long hours and spend sufficient time with kids AND spouse AND friends AND other family, not typically. But people have different needs on those fronts, too - it comes down to what you value.