Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:SIL's HS reunion is coming up. She and my BIL want to get a hotel and be able to drink and not have to drive.

They have asked us to take in their 2 kids overnight, ages 4 and 7. The 4 y/o still needs help in the bathroom.

Here's the thing: we don't have any strong established relationship with their kids. We have never watched their kids alone for even 1 hour. We have a 4 year old, DH and I both work full-time. I am also in grad school so any extra evening time is for my studying. I don't want to give up 24 hours of what is normally quiet family time to have 3, rambunctious kids in my house. There's a reason DH and I have one kid. We like our downtime and quiet time.

My SIL received full-time childcare from my MIL for 5+ years while her kids were young until recently. In the past few years, MI got sick and had to downsize her home with FIL. They now live 2 hours away. I'm not sure why they're asking us and not my BIL's mom who watches their girls on a regular basis.

I'm not opposed to helping them out now and then - but when we went to SIL for help in the past with childcare emergencies she was never available. She and my MIL never watched my son once. As a result, DH and I built a strong network of babysitters and nannies who have watched our kids overnight on the occasion, at the cost of $25/hr. SIL does not want to pay this, nor does she have any babysitters she can call on since she's relied on MIL. What if one of them pukes in the middle of the night and BIL and SIL are wasted and don't come and pick them up? THere was just too many variables that I was not comfortable with.

This is not my problem, right? SIL is very chuffed with my DH that we won't take her kids for an entire night. We don't have a strong relationship with them. DH hasn't talked to her in several weeks, we only really see them at holidays and birthdays.

Actually, sounds like you are opposed, which is your right. You very very very clearly don't want to do it, so you should tell them no. You have no obligation, and it doesn't sound like you'd be very comfortable or welcoming to the kids.

+1 OP you clearly feel like they didn't help you, so you won't help them. But saying that out loud makes you feel petty so you're couching it in some weird "of course I'm happy to help occasionally, just not now, the first time I've ever helped!" If you've never watched their kids for even one hour, as you say, then this is the definition of occasional.

Of course you're well within your rights to say no, but stand in your truth. This is payback, it's not truly a huge imposition or too many variables to figure out a sleepover for your kid and cousins. You just don't want to help them because they didn't help you and you resent that they get help from your MIL that you did not get. The end.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know what you should do, and you can definitely say no of course, but...


...if one of them throws up in the middle of the night, you handle it like an adult. While I'd let the parents know, I'd never expect them to come back unless we were actually dealing with a real emergency.

So anyway, you clearly don't want to do this, and that is absolutely fine. But don't use the possibility of illness as the reason. You can handle that.

OP here. I would not mind working on the relationship and getting to know her kids better, I'd actually be happy to take the kids out for ice cream or a playdate or something.

But, that's on my DH to develop that relationship with his sister and get the kids together. I don't think SIL likes me, she is very friendly to my face but any texts I sent to get the kids together went unanswered.

Okay...?

The upside to the cousin sleepover is that your child can start building a rapport with his cousins, and for me that would be worth a LOT of hassle.

The downside is that you seem unable to get past accumulated resentment that you did not receive free childcare, but that your SIL did. Your very negative tone and apparent inability to cope with normal childhood ills and uncertainty (Why would they puke that night, of all nights? Why would their parents not pick them up on time?), makes me wonder about your mental rigidity and apparent lack of social connection. Do babysitters always take care of your kid for you, that you've never had to clean up vomit?

However it's YOUR house and YOUR evening studying time and as such, you do have a say in this... even if you trust your husband to be 100% responsible for all 3 kids. You are perfectly within your rights to say no, OP.

I disagree with you. It’s only 24 hours and you can have some time with your nephew/niece who you acknowledge you don’t know well. This might be a good time to have a connection and do some fun stuff together. Those ages are not hard. Wear them out, they’ll go to bed easily. If a kid gets sick you treat them as you would your own.
If you are insistent on not doing this though then DH can say so and deal with the potential resentment/repercussions.

Anonymous wrote:I don't know what you should do, and you can definitely say no of course, but...


...if one of them throws up in the middle of the night, you handle it like an adult. While I'd let the parents know, I'd never expect them to come back unless we were actually dealing with a real emergency.

So anyway, you clearly don't want to do this, and that is absolutely fine. But don't use the possibility of illness as the reason. You can handle that.

OP here. I would not mind working on the relationship and getting to know her kids better, I'd actually be happy to take the kids out for ice cream or a playdate or something.

But, that's on my DH to develop that relationship with his sister and get the kids together. I don't think SIL likes me, she is very friendly to my face but any texts I sent to get the kids together went unanswered.

TL;DR: "Here's the thing: we don't have any strong established relationship with their kids. And we don't want to."

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:SIL's HS reunion is coming up. She and my BIL want to get a hotel and be able to drink and not have to drive.

They have asked us to take in their 2 kids overnight, ages 4 and 7. The 4 y/o still needs help in the bathroom.

Here's the thing: we don't have any strong established relationship with their kids. We have never watched their kids alone for even 1 hour. We have a 4 year old, DH and I both work full-time. I am also in grad school so any extra evening time is for my studying. I don't want to give up 24 hours of what is normally quiet family time to have 3, rambunctious kids in my house. There's a reason DH and I have one kid. We like our downtime and quiet time.

My SIL received full-time childcare from my MIL for 5+ years while her kids were young until recently. In the past few years, MI got sick and had to downsize her home with FIL. They now live 2 hours away. I'm not sure why they're asking us and not my BIL's mom who watches their girls on a regular basis.

I'm not opposed to helping them out now and then - but when we went to SIL for help in the past with childcare emergencies she was never available. She and my MIL never watched my son once. As a result, DH and I built a strong network of babysitters and nannies who have watched our kids overnight on the occasion, at the cost of $25/hr. SIL does not want to pay this, nor does she have any babysitters she can call on since she's relied on MIL. What if one of them pukes in the middle of the night and BIL and SIL are wasted and don't come and pick them up? THere was just too many variables that I was not comfortable with.

This is not my problem, right? SIL is very chuffed with my DH that we won't take her kids for an entire night. We don't have a strong relationship with them. DH hasn't talked to her in several weeks, we only really see them at holidays and birthdays.

I don't have a strong opinion on your situation, but you are using "chuffed" all wrong. It means pleased. I think your SIL is probably the opposite of chuffed.

Sorry, yes you are correct. She is displeased with us.

Anonymous wrote:Nothing like family!

Nothing like dumping your kids on someone else?

Anonymous wrote:SIL's HS reunion is coming up. She and my BIL want to get a hotel and be able to drink and not have to drive.

They have asked us to take in their 2 kids overnight, ages 4 and 7. The 4 y/o still needs help in the bathroom.

Here's the thing: we don't have any strong established relationship with their kids. We have never watched their kids alone for even 1 hour. We have a 4 year old, DH and I both work full-time. I am also in grad school so any extra evening time is for my studying. I don't want to give up 24 hours of what is normally quiet family time to have 3, rambunctious kids in my house. There's a reason DH and I have one kid. We like our downtime and quiet time.

My SIL received full-time childcare from my MIL for 5+ years while her kids were young until recently. In the past few years, MI got sick and had to downsize her home with FIL. They now live 2 hours away. I'm not sure why they're asking us and not my BIL's mom who watches their girls on a regular basis.

I'm not opposed to helping them out now and then - but when we went to SIL for help in the past with childcare emergencies she was never available. She and my MIL never watched my son once. As a result, DH and I built a strong network of babysitters and nannies who have watched our kids overnight on the occasion, at the cost of $25/hr. SIL does not want to pay this, nor does she have any babysitters she can call on since she's relied on MIL. What if one of them pukes in the middle of the night and BIL and SIL are wasted and don't come and pick them up? THere was just too many variables that I was not comfortable with.

This is not my problem, right? SIL is very chuffed with my DH that we won't take her kids for an entire night. We don't have a strong relationship with them. DH hasn't talked to her in several weeks, we only really see them at holidays and birthdays.

I don't have a strong opinion on your situation, but you are using "chuffed" all wrong. It means pleased. I think your SIL is probably the opposite of chuffed.

Nothing like family!

I don't know what you should do, and you can definitely say no of course, but...


...if one of them throws up in the middle of the night, you handle it like an adult. While I'd let the parents know, I'd never expect them to come back unless we were actually dealing with a real emergency.

So anyway, you clearly don't want to do this, and that is absolutely fine. But don't use the possibility of illness as the reason. You can handle that.

If you don't want to, just say "Sorry, that doesn't work for us" but it'd be better coming from your husband, her brother.

She can ask the hotel if they can refer a babysitter. A lot of nice hotels have this service.

Anonymous wrote:SIL's HS reunion is coming up. She and my BIL want to get a hotel and be able to drink and not have to drive.

They have asked us to take in their 2 kids overnight, ages 4 and 7. The 4 y/o still needs help in the bathroom.

Here's the thing: we don't have any strong established relationship with their kids. We have never watched their kids alone for even 1 hour. We have a 4 year old, DH and I both work full-time. I am also in grad school so any extra evening time is for my studying. I don't want to give up 24 hours of what is normally quiet family time to have 3, rambunctious kids in my house. There's a reason DH and I have one kid. We like our downtime and quiet time.

My SIL received full-time childcare from my MIL for 5+ years while her kids were young until recently. In the past few years, MI got sick and had to downsize her home with FIL. They now live 2 hours away. I'm not sure why they're asking us and not my BIL's mom who watches their girls on a regular basis.

I'm not opposed to helping them out now and then - but when we went to SIL for help in the past with childcare emergencies she was never available. She and my MIL never watched my son once. As a result, DH and I built a strong network of babysitters and nannies who have watched our kids overnight on the occasion, at the cost of $25/hr. SIL does not want to pay this, nor does she have any babysitters she can call on since she's relied on MIL. What if one of them pukes in the middle of the night and BIL and SIL are wasted and don't come and pick them up? THere was just too many variables that I was not comfortable with.

This is not my problem, right? SIL is very chuffed with my DH that we won't take her kids for an entire night. We don't have a strong relationship with them. DH hasn't talked to her in several weeks, we only really see them at holidays and birthdays.

Actually, sounds like you are opposed, which is your right. You very very very clearly don't want to do it, so you should tell them no. You have no obligation, and it doesn't sound like you'd be very comfortable or welcoming to the kids.

I can so relate to this OP!
I was in this situation and went out of my way to babysit and my sister accused me of asking her kids personal questions.
I say no way! Kids pick up on things like relationship tensions and can end up saying things they think the parents want to hear that are not true.
Avoid at all costs but keep it classy.

SIL's HS reunion is coming up. She and my BIL want to get a hotel and be able to drink and not have to drive.

They have asked us to take in their 2 kids overnight, ages 4 and 7. The 4 y/o still needs help in the bathroom.

Here's the thing: we don't have any strong established relationship with their kids. We have never watched their kids alone for even 1 hour. We have a 4 year old, DH and I both work full-time. I am also in grad school so any extra evening time is for my studying. I don't want to give up 24 hours of what is normally quiet family time to have 3, rambunctious kids in my house. There's a reason DH and I have one kid. We like our downtime and quiet time.

My SIL received full-time childcare from my MIL for 5+ years while her kids were young until recently. In the past few years, MI got sick and had to downsize her home with FIL. They now live 2 hours away. I'm not sure why they're asking us and not my BIL's mom who watches their girls on a regular basis.

I'm not opposed to helping them out now and then - but when we went to SIL for help in the past with childcare emergencies she was never available. She and my MIL never watched my son once. As a result, DH and I built a strong network of babysitters and nannies who have watched our kids overnight on the occasion, at the cost of $25/hr. SIL does not want to pay this, nor does she have any babysitters she can call on since she's relied on MIL. What if one of them pukes in the middle of the night and BIL and SIL are wasted and don't come and pick them up? THere was just too many variables that I was not comfortable with.

This is not my problem, right? SIL is very chuffed with my DH that we won't take her kids for an entire night. We don't have a strong relationship with them. DH hasn't talked to her in several weeks, we only really see them at holidays and birthdays.