Did they come to your wedding?

I gave away so much of my gifts from the registry - new in boxes. Would you prefer that?

You deciding what your husband should give his cousin on behalf of you both as a couple is very gauche. Stay in your lane. This is his family; he takes the lead.

OP, how old are you?

I mean traditional etiquette is that the registry itself is tacky, and requests for monetary donations are very common now- for at least ten years if not longer.

You are not being unreasonable to me and I always give a cash/check. Them instruction me by way of the “in lieu of” phrase is rude. For interest sake, keep an eye out on the wedding day, people will still bring wrapped gifts.

Elope if you are broke!

I am half-Asian, and I know that some Asian cultures do expect monetary gifts, although it's not directly stated, since people are supposed to know. Also, there are specific ways to give so that money is not actually visible, which is considered improper.

Barring cultural differences... eh. I suppose they want to decide how to spend the money later, instead of picking a bunch of items they might not need on a wedding registry. I can understand that, but I agree that mentioning money is always fraught... particularly when you want money at every event associated with the wedding!

Just write them a check for a hundy and call it a day.

It's no tackier than a registry. The fact that they're older makes it more reasonable IMO - do you think they don't have plates and linens by now?

Yes, it's tacky to imply that you assume people will give you gifts. They are trying to be practical- they don't need a soup ladle, but money for a down payment on a home.

If you don't want to give money, then don't. No big deal.

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s pretty common now. And how is it any more gauche than a registry?

IMO it just seems over the top - didn’t realize this is standard. I think I would be less turned off if there were a registry - I would truly rather get the couple new kitchen supplies or whatever than just give them a check.

I am the same, but I think it’s because I’m old. It’s pretty common nowadays. Distasteful to me personally, but common.

I think it’s pretty common now. And how is it any more gauche than a registry?

Going to the wedding of my husband’a cousin in a few months. Declined invitation to bridal shower, the invitation for which included an ask for monetary gifts. On their wedding website, guests are asked to make a monetary contribution in lieu of gifts. I am very turned off by this - they are both in their thirties, work full-time, and seem to be doing just fine financially. The ask makes me not want to give them anything at all. I find this beyond gauche. Am I being unreasonable in being turned off?