Maybe your dad is sick of living this way and knows he will die of CHF eventually anyway. Maybe he is doing these things as a passive way of saying he's done. Can you have an honest conversation with him and ask him if he wants to see a palliative care doctor? It's his life. He's not doing this stuff to annoy the hell out of you and be difficult. With all the interventions available with modern medicine, it seems many elderly end up in a purgatory where quality of life is very low yet they are "kept alive." Also, Lasix makes you feel like crap and have to pee all the time.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It never ends well. It is a very hard part of life. How much do you respect your parent and how they want to live it? If this parent is thinking clearly, maybe it is a sane choice. What is your goal?

Great question. This is now a pattern of not heeding medical advice and then going back into the hospital, coming back out, not taking meds, going to get valve replaced, not taking meds and going back into hospital, now leaving rehab within 48 hours Covid positive. I no longer respect the parents thinking and do not support these bad decisions. At my limit.

PP, they become toddlers, with or without dementia. They're grasping for control in any way they can, because control of everything is slipping out of their hands. A lot of people just can't handle this. At the core of it, they are dying. It's not really a matter of "respecting" their thinking as having compassion for them

You make sense about the control…there’s a selfishness I cannot respect about not heeding medical advice and acting haughty as though you know better. There are other people that would be grateful for the free medical care they’re receiving and would take it seriously.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It never ends well. It is a very hard part of life. How much do you respect your parent and how they want to live it? If this parent is thinking clearly, maybe it is a sane choice. What is your goal?

Great question. This is now a pattern of not heeding medical advice and then going back into the hospital, coming back out, not taking meds, going to get valve replaced, not taking meds and going back into hospital, now leaving rehab within 48 hours Covid positive. I no longer respect the parents thinking and do not support these bad decisions. At my limit.

PP, they become toddlers, with or without dementia. They're grasping for control in any way they can, because control of everything is slipping out of their hands. A lot of people just can't handle this. At the core of it, they are dying. It's not really a matter of "respecting" their thinking as having compassion for them

Anonymous wrote:It never ends well. It is a very hard part of life. How much do you respect your parent and how they want to live it? If this parent is thinking clearly, maybe it is a sane choice. What is your goal?

Great question. This is now a pattern of not heeding medical advice and then going back into the hospital, coming back out, not taking meds, going to get valve replaced, not taking meds and going back into hospital, now leaving rehab within 48 hours Covid positive. I no longer respect the parents thinking and do not support these bad decisions. At my limit.

It never ends well. It is a very hard part of life. How much do you respect your parent and how they want to live it? If this parent is thinking clearly, maybe it is a sane choice. What is your goal?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Could you try to get a medical POA?

Have that. Other parent is next of kin and overruled/undermined.

You need your medical POA activated and then next of kin has no say. You are the decision maker when the POA is active. That said, it may be worth talking to your parent about their wants. It was an incredibly difficult conversation I had to have with my dad when he stopped taking his medication. But ultimately I respected his wishes and enjoyed the time I had left with him.

Anonymous wrote:Could you try to get a medical POA?

Have that. Other parent is next of kin and overruled/undermined.

Could you try to get a medical POA?

Lying is unacceptable. Set boundaries.

PS: no, it won't end well. I'm sorry, OP.

(that's probably Lasix, or furosemide for the genetic)

Went back in the hospital has been in and out since last November. Lies about taking meds but doesn’t take them. Now left rehab against medical advice with approval of other parent who has dementia. This won’t end well.