Anonymous wrote:Stop suggesting things and asking for their feedback.

They want food - you supply whatever you want. Given that you’re visiting family, I would do as much takeout/catering as possible so that you can visit and not be in the kitchen.

NP. I would do as much shopping and preparing food so I could stay in the kitchen and not have to “visit” my ILs. LOL!

When you arrive in town, go out and buy premade stuff and put it in containers so it looks like it’s homemade. Buy frozen lasagna, take it out of the box, wrap in tinfoil—BOOM, it’s now homemade.
Or contact a private home chef in their area or catering company. Tell them your predicament and see if they can put some meals together that look homemade.

Or you can confront them—listen we can’t bring homemade food safely from our house. These are our options— you make everything, we help you make everything (but then it doesn’t start until later), or we get premade stuff from a grocery store or restaurant. The main objective is to have time and connect with family. The food and who made it doesn’t matter.

They also may feel guilty that they can no longer prepare everything themselves.

Anonymous wrote:I mean I get it’s a pain but if your excuse is that it can’t be done safely, you’re wrong. Potato salad will be fine in a cooler on ice for your trip.

I’m going to pass on potato salad that traveled 5 hours and that isn’t fully finished that evening. And then what? Potato salad’s gone, pasta salad (which I also wouldn’t eat past the night of transport) will be gone. Then what. Your “point” would be valid if they were asking for OP/DH to bring food literally only for one BBQ event, but she’s talking about multi-night visits with 10 people.

This is a hard no.

You should go on a Costco run when you arrive. Buy a couple rotisserie chickens for one meal and frozen lasagna for another. You can buy sides there too. Packing premade food on a 5 hour road trip with kids is a nonstarter.

Stop suggesting things and asking for their feedback.

They want food - you supply whatever you want. Given that you’re visiting family, I would do as much takeout/catering as possible so that you can visit and not be in the kitchen.

Anonymous wrote:I mean I get it’s a pain but if your excuse is that it can’t be done safely, you’re wrong. Potato salad will be fine in a cooler on ice for your trip.

Potato salad was an example you nitwit. OP’s in-laws are asking them to bring multiple homemade MEALS for 10 people.

How many days/meals? Put your foot down and shop when you get there.

Like going to a beach house - make a grocery run for simple meals - preroasted chicken, baked pasta, sandwich stuff etc. "We'll take care of dinner on Friday - a roasted chicken with salad and potatoes, and we'll have supplies for sandwiches for lunch on Saturday. We'll hit the Piggly Wiggly on Friday morning to make sure we have everything. See you soon!"

Is there a local caterer or restaurant that will do it the “proper” way? This is a challenge as our parents get older - they don’t want things to change even as they can’t manage to do it themselves any more. Stop asking. Make a plan, make sure DH speaks to his brother and you present a United front.

Say things are homemade when you actually just buy them locally. Just to your parents-in-law.

You do take out and shop while you’re there for easy sides. If your ILs don’t like it, they’re free to make other meals to serve. This request is absurd.

I mean I get it’s a pain but if your excuse is that it can’t be done safely, you’re wrong. Potato salad will be fine in a cooler on ice for your trip.

Anonymous wrote:So what in their mind _is_ acceptable?

They want things like “proper” sides for a cookout, like homemade potato salad, pasta salad, fruit, etc., but they don’t seem to understand that we can’t safely bring all that kind of stuff in a cooler, at least not enough to last several days. Or when we said we can buy Stouffer’s lasagna, etc., they asked why we can’t just make it at home, freeze and bring. (Never mind that DH and I both work full-time.) It’s like they want everything done “the right way” but won’t hear of shortcuts or anything that will make it easy on us, even though we both work, we’re driving 5 hours, and even though we’re willing to pay for restaurants and stuff, that will add up. We’re talking a total of 10 mouths to feed: MIL/FIL; BIL/wife/2 kids; and the four of us. And we’re already paying for a hotel for 3 nights.

I just honestly need some suggestions. I am sure BIL and SIL will offer to help a bit and pay for a bit when they arrive, but they’ve already paid thousands for flights and will be pretty exhausted I’m sure.

So what in their mind _is_ acceptable?

Stay home.

We’re visiting my ILs for the Fourth of July, a 5-hour drive if we’re lucky. We’re staying in a hotel because my BIL and his family are also going to be there, flying in from Oregon. Understandably, BIL’s family isn’t going to bring anything.

Also understandably, MIL/FIL are asking for help with food, but when DH just offered to pay for takeout meals, restaurant food, and/or a big grocery run (with easy things like rotisserie chicken, family-sized lasagnas, etc.), they balked. They don’t want to serve those types of meals, they want homemade.

Well, DH said he’d be happy to grill a few nights, and we can bring some supplies and maybe side dishes, maybe some frozen things like a big batch of chili. But ILs are shooting down any and all relatively easy ideas. But they also don’t want to cook themselves. And they don’t want to go out. Honestly asking for ideas of what to bring/how to handle this, but honestly…we’re driving five hours, paying for a hotel, and you won’t even let us contribute in an easy way? Hoping DCUM can pitch in with good advice. Thanks, guys!