Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Of course looks make all the difference.

This is OP. But, I have everything else! I am well educated, cultured and sophisticated. I dress well. I am told I am kind and empathetic and I grew up in a warm and loving family. There is every reason a high quality man should want me! Except I wasn’t born with lean long legs, great hair and a gorgeous face. I do what I can but… I am not really the prettiest girl in the room.

Looks matter but not that much. Attraction is also about personality and confidence. Also men are easily tricked by grooming and dressing feminine - that's probably more important than a beautiful face.

Anonymous wrote:Focus on unmarried men in your league. If you take high earner and hot off of the list, you'll find many kind, mature, educated, responsible potential family men out there getting labeled as mediocre.

This is terrible, misogynistic advice.

If you marry someone you don’t find hot, they will resent the fact that you don’t want to have *a lifetime of* monogamous sex. Do not do this. It’s not fair to either of you.

If you marry someone who is going to be in a different SES than you plan for, you are going to resent the struggling, not setting your kids up, delayed retirement, etc. Money is a leading cause of marital disharmony.

OP maximize your own potential, especially earning potential. Make as much money as you reasonably can because that will keep you in the peer group of the men you are trying to attract.

Use that money to maximize your attractiveness. Spend on good clothes, good food, very high end enhancements.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Qualities that are worthwhile are usually traits of patience, tolerance, little attentions to one's significant other, caregiving in times of stress or illness... things that as a friend, you don't necessarily see. You see the sense of humor, conversational skills, high intelligence, high income, good looks, and they're all nice to have, obviously. But the first ones matter too.

This^.

+ 2 And let’s face it: charismatic big earners have many opportunities to cheat. It’s normal to idealize and be wistful, but if you want to get married- consider a less attractive high caliber man.

Lol you never know what is going on is someone else marriage.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Of course looks make all the difference.

This is OP. But, I have everything else! I am well educated, cultured and sophisticated. I dress well. I am told I am kind and empathetic and I grew up in a warm and loving family. There is every reason a high quality man should want me! Except I wasn’t born with lean long legs, great hair and a gorgeous face. I do what I can but… I am not really the prettiest girl in the room.

This is interesting. I wasn't often the hottest person in the room but I married a man who would become like this (and yes marrying somebody before they are successful is different but it was obvious he would be successful). I am not sophisticated, but I have a fun personality and don't take myself seriously. A lot of men want sophisticated women but some don't and personality goes a long way too (yes, even for men).

I'm married to a guy like that and I am short, fat and ugly. I looked a lot better 30 years ago though.

Natural beauty isn’t that important. As long as you stay really thin and dress/groom well, you can be high status.

Anonymous wrote:Qualities that are worthwhile are usually traits of patience, tolerance, little attentions to one's significant other, caregiving in times of stress or illness... things that as a friend, you don't necessarily see. You see the sense of humor, conversational skills, high intelligence, high income, good looks, and they're all nice to have, obviously. But the first ones matter too.

This^.

Anonymous wrote:Of course looks make all the difference.

This is OP. But, I have everything else! I am well educated, cultured and sophisticated. I dress well. I am told I am kind and empathetic and I grew up in a warm and loving family. There is every reason a high quality man should want me! Except I wasn’t born with lean long legs, great hair and a gorgeous face. I do what I can but… I am not really the prettiest girl in the room.

Focus on unmarried men in your league. If you take high earner and hot off of the list, you'll find many kind, mature, educated, responsible potential family men out there getting labeled as mediocre.

Qualities that are worthwhile are usually traits of patience, tolerance, little attentions to one's significant other, caregiving in times of stress or illness... things that as a friend, you don't necessarily see. You see the sense of humor, conversational skills, high intelligence, high income, good looks, and they're all nice to have, obviously. But the first ones matter too.

Envy is never a good look. Work on making your family, your marriage and your dh the best it can be.

Btw, I'm married to one of those guys and I'm no where near as hot as DH. He was more focused on personality, good upbringing and picking an emotionally mature mate.

Also, some of those guys? Their wives are the ones who have turned them into a total catch.

Anonymous wrote:This is hard for me to admit but I sometimes have a passing thought when I meet a couple and the husband appears to be a total catch! Or at least, the kind of men I’d want to be married to.

They’re fit, smart, devoted family men, high earners and emotionally mature.

I’d think on paper I’d be a good fit for men like that as I have all similar interests and goals. But! I am not as beautiful as their wives! The women they pick are definitely hotter than me and…I guess that makes all the difference?

well, there's your answer. Yes, if you were hotter, you could've probably attracted a "higher quality man". Don't you think these higher quality men attracted hot women because they were "high quality"?

Of course looks make all the difference.

This is hard for me to admit but I sometimes have a passing thought when I meet a couple and the husband appears to be a total catch! Or at least, the kind of men I’d want to be married to.

They’re fit, smart, devoted family men, high earners and emotionally mature.

I’d think on paper I’d be a good fit for men like that as I have all similar interests and goals. But! I am not as beautiful as their wives! The women they pick are definitely hotter than me and…I guess that makes all the difference?