Donor sperm from a bank is not very complicated, but it is expensive. $1000-1200 a vial. Expect to need at least 6 vials per pregnancy if doing IUI; 1 is enough per round of IVF though.

These days there are many therapists and books specializing in explaining family origins in an age appropriate way to donor conceived kids. The consensus is to let them know early about how the parents had a “helper.” Issues arise only when adults find out they were lied to their whole lives.

Users of donor sperm (or eggs) need to do a session with a therapist who will explain these recommendations and options to them.

The main risk is finding out there are many half siblings. It’s also hard to find sperm donors who are any ethnicity other than white. Aside from these issues, it’s a well trodden path.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is the condition originating from your side of the family tree, or your husband’s ?

Both

Ah - understood. I am so sorry, OP. I was curious if perhaps a donor could be sought among relatives (cousins, second cousins), to retain at least some family DNA.

In your unique circumstances, however, your original intent to secure a screened donor sperm from outside the family makes sense.

Donor sperm is less complicated than donor egg from a donor health perspective. There are no medical procedures involved or health risks to the sperm donor as there can be with egg donation.

However number of donor families/siblings can be an issue. Even if sperm banks limit to 25 families there is no centralization in place to prevent sperm donors from donating to multiple if they are willing to lie about it.

Then there are the issues what's best for the donor conceived child - like telling them at an early age, making sure they have the option to contact donor at 18 if they choose etc.

Anonymous wrote:Is the condition originating from your side of the family tree, or your husband’s ?

Both

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have a family history of a pretty devastating disease that isn't something you can test for genetically. It's clearly got a genetic element, but they haven't identified specific genes.

My teenaged son has told me that he plans to ask his future wife to use donor sperm to avoid passing it on to any children.

If I had a daughter saying "Oh, I'll just use donor eggs." I'd warn her that it's a complicated process, there are some people who feel there are significant ethical issues and she should make sure she understands, it's expensive, there are no guaranteed outcomes . . . and that she should explore the option early, and not just count on it as an option. I wouldn't say "I think you shouldn't do it". Just "Be aware, it's not simple, and you shouldn't count on this one option."

But, I don't know if the same things apply to donor sperm. I know lots of kids with two moms who are conceived through donor sperm, so it seems like it works pretty frequently. But now, I am wanting to know more.

Donor sperm is a very sound option.

But all you need to say to your son is “Sure! Whatever you want to do, there will a way to build your family. Can’t wait to hold my grandkids, no matter what way they get here.”

There’s really no point in going on about details, for one thing, you don’t know what the technology will be like when he is ready. For the other thing, it’s really not your business, it’s between him and his future partner.

Great post

Except OP didn’t ask for advice what to tell the son. Simply said they want to know more. I can’t think of a situation where someone wanted to learn more about how something works and the answer is like nah, you don’t need to know. Except maybe how hotdogs are made.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have a family history of a pretty devastating disease that isn't something you can test for genetically. It's clearly got a genetic element, but they haven't identified specific genes.

My teenaged son has told me that he plans to ask his future wife to use donor sperm to avoid passing it on to any children.

If I had a daughter saying "Oh, I'll just use donor eggs." I'd warn her that it's a complicated process, there are some people who feel there are significant ethical issues and she should make sure she understands, it's expensive, there are no guaranteed outcomes . . . and that she should explore the option early, and not just count on it as an option. I wouldn't say "I think you shouldn't do it". Just "Be aware, it's not simple, and you shouldn't count on this one option."

But, I don't know if the same things apply to donor sperm. I know lots of kids with two moms who are conceived through donor sperm, so it seems like it works pretty frequently. But now, I am wanting to know more.

Donor sperm is a very sound option.

But all you need to say to your son is “Sure! Whatever you want to do, there will a way to build your family. Can’t wait to hold my grandkids, no matter what way they get here.”

There’s really no point in going on about details, for one thing, you don’t know what the technology will be like when he is ready. For the other thing, it’s really not your business, it’s between him and his future partner.

Great post

Cancer?

My husband's family basically have all died of cancer. No common correlation, all devastating cancers. I suspect a tumor suppressor deletion. The positive is it's recessive so unlikely his generation or or children to have it.

You may well know the gene by then. An ex of mine didn’t know why so many men in his family dropped dead by 45. Now they know exactly.

Anonymous wrote:We have a family history of a pretty devastating disease that isn't something you can test for genetically. It's clearly got a genetic element, but they haven't identified specific genes.

My teenaged son has told me that he plans to ask his future wife to use donor sperm to avoid passing it on to any children.

If I had a daughter saying "Oh, I'll just use donor eggs." I'd warn her that it's a complicated process, there are some people who feel there are significant ethical issues and she should make sure she understands, it's expensive, there are no guaranteed outcomes . . . and that she should explore the option early, and not just count on it as an option. I wouldn't say "I think you shouldn't do it". Just "Be aware, it's not simple, and you shouldn't count on this one option."

But, I don't know if the same things apply to donor sperm. I know lots of kids with two moms who are conceived through donor sperm, so it seems like it works pretty frequently. But now, I am wanting to know more.

Donor sperm is a very sound option.

But all you need to say to your son is “Sure! Whatever you want to do, there will a way to build your family. Can’t wait to hold my grandkids, no matter what way they get here.”

There’s really no point in going on about details, for one thing, you don’t know what the technology will be like when he is ready. For the other thing, it’s really not your business, it’s between him and his future partner.

Is the condition originating from your side of the family tree, or your husband’s ?

Ethical concerns aside the process is very easy. But it’s not a foolproof guarantee of good health. We used donor sperm from a “popular” donor and our child and one more from this donor have ASD and ADHD, and that’s what we know of.

Doesn’t really seem like a bridge for you to cross, OP. He will be making this decision when he’s an adult, with his wife. I don’t think you need to wade into this.

My children were conceived with donor sperm.

There are ethical concerns, and some ways to mitigate those ethical concerns (eg anonymous donation is generally of concern to donor conceived people, so I chose an openid donor that my kids can reach out to when they’re 18; not everyone approves of even this but that’s what I chose). I think there is less ethical concern regarding the impact on the donors than donor egg because the sperm donation process is much less medically complicated.

It can be expensive (~$1000/vial in my case), although again, less so than donor egg. Logistically, it’s much easier. A medical professional isn’t necessarily for insemination with donor sperm (the turkey baster method is legit, although actual turkey baster not recommended) although your chances are a bit higher with ICI/IUI (and much higher if you go for IVF). So I think it’s less of a “this is dicey don’t, count on it working” situation than donor eggs, but it might take time and consequently $$$ to get pregnant so that is something he and his partner would have to discuss.

Depending on the condition and whether there’s a genetic test for it, he may also want to use his own sperm but go straight to IVF so the embryos can be screened prior to implantation.

Another for his to keep in mind is that not every woman is comfortable using donor sperm even if they don’t have an ethical objection to it for other people. So your son will want to screen future life partners for the dual constraint of “I want children but NOT my biological children” and possibly “but YES your biological children” if he’s not open to adoption or donor embryos.

We have a family history of a pretty devastating disease that isn't something you can test for genetically. It's clearly got a genetic element, but they haven't identified specific genes.

My teenaged son has told me that he plans to ask his future wife to use donor sperm to avoid passing it on to any children.

If I had a daughter saying "Oh, I'll just use donor eggs." I'd warn her that it's a complicated process, there are some people who feel there are significant ethical issues and she should make sure she understands, it's expensive, there are no guaranteed outcomes . . . and that she should explore the option early, and not just count on it as an option. I wouldn't say "I think you shouldn't do it". Just "Be aware, it's not simple, and you shouldn't count on this one option."

But, I don't know if the same things apply to donor sperm. I know lots of kids with two moms who are conceived through donor sperm, so it seems like it works pretty frequently. But now, I am wanting to know more.