Anonymous wrote:I would skip all the funeral activities. Make a plan to
go visit your friends over the next couple weeks when you actually spend some quality time together.

This.

Is there a wake? They are usually the night before or earlier the day of the funeral. I would attend the wake and my kids events or kids events and no funeral.

Send a text to let her know you are thinking of her, send food or something that will make things easier for the family, and schedule time to visit with her after things settle down.

Anonymous wrote:From someone whose dad died suddenly last year, I wouldn't want my friend to risk missing these events with her kids. Take me out to dinner another time or come visit me another time. I would not have been upset or offended in this scenario.

Me too.

I honestly didn't tell most of my friends, though I told one who could spread the word. I was mainly focused on supporting my mom. I was so glad that some people could come, but I didn't really expect it.

I would have loved support in the following weeks, moreso than on that day.

I'm not sure you know what Sophie's Choice is, but this is not it.

Maybe find another term?

Skip the funeral and be there for your kids. It would be different if you were her only support and she’d otherwise be alone, but she’s staying with family, and if there’s a reception there’ll be so many people there, it won’t make much difference. I’m sure she would appreciate your support if you’re there, but she probably won’t have much time or attention to spare for you, and would probably tell you, herself, to go to your kids’ events.

I’d go to the soccer game which means I’d miss the funeral.

What time is the soccer game?

I would probably skip the funeral but try to see your friend soon, maybe during the week or next weekend.

For me, the funeral wasn't something I really needed extra support for. I would visit her in the coming weeks, send flowers, send any memories she may have shared with you. Express regret that you cannot make it but both your children have major life things that day.

Anonymous wrote:I would skip all the funeral activities. Make a plan to go visit your friends over the next couple weeks when you actually spend some quality time together.

Yes, this. You may not even get to talk to her at the funeral, there will be so many people. Better to go at a time when most others in her life have moved on, but your friend obviously still needs support.

I would skip all the funeral activities. Make a plan to go visit your friends over the next couple weeks when you actually spend some quality time together.

From someone whose dad died suddenly last year, I wouldn't want my friend to risk missing these events with her kids. Take me out to dinner another time or come visit me another time. I would not have been upset or offended in this scenario.

Go to the funeral. Skip the reception.

If you go to the funeral and skip the reception you could make the NHS ceremony right?

Do you have a DH that can be there for your daughter?

Would your daughter understand if you couldn't make it?

This feels like Sophie's choice here.
A close friend's father died suddenly. Funeral is midday Sunday with a 3pm reception. It is 2.5 hours from here, 5 hours round trip.
Sunday is also my daughter's final soccer game of her HS career and will be presented with a Captain's award that afternoon. Younger son has an NHS induction ceremony at 6pm that night.

I have never met her father, but obviously I want to support my friend. These are also two major events in my kids' lives, esp for NHS kid who has major LDs and was so proud to be inducted, that I'd feel like a crap parent not going.

DH suggested I drive up the day before to spend time with her, but she is managing tons of family, out of town visitors etc and basically told me that she's overwhelmed with managing that. She did not ask me to come to the funeral, I only know when it is because I asked to be kept informed.

How can I be supportive? Would it be terrible form not to go? I have already sent food/flowers to the mom's house, where my friend is staying.