No, that's the dumbest thing I've ever heard.

Incorrect. Doing some travel before you get married is great, especially some challenging travel that tests your ability to get alone under challenging circumstances. But that could be a weekend camping trip, it doesn't have to be a trip to a country experiencing high poverty rates. And actually, people who can afford to travel to a lot of developing countries (where, yes, it can be inexpensive once you are there, but the flights can often be prohibitively expensive and also require a lot of vacation time) often can make even challenging travel easier simply by throwing money at problems, and that won't always be much of a test of the relationship.

You know what people need to do before they get married? Get bored. Do tedious, annoying things with your future spouse. One of you should study for a grueling and annoying professional exam. Do yard work. Sit down and sort out your finances. Do taxes together.

Right now, I know a couple who is really going through it, the challenges of parenting small children, pandemic and aftermath, some career difficulties, and some health difficulties. I hope they pull through. They were a super adventurous couple when they were dating -- sky diving, bungee jumping, trips to Patagonia and South Africa, etc. I'm sure those things make for nice memories now, but I don't think they did much to prepare them for their current challenges, which are mundane. A marriage needs to have a high capacity for the mundane, the tedious, the annoying. You won't get divorced over a stressful vacation, but you might get divorced because one or both of you is bored and restless over the longterm, or you can't resolve differences over stuff like finances our housing or parenting.

If DH and I had done this, we’d never gotten married. We rarely fight except for vacations. Traveling to and from destination would cause fights. Once we are there we are fine.

Who is Meg Jay and why are you using such an antiquated term as “third world country”?

I don't think people here are understanding the premise. I don't agree with the premise, but it is not about a vacation, it is about how you deal with difficult and inconvenient situations as a team.

I think that's important, but traveling in a third world country only gets at certain parts of that and not the parts that are likely to come up in everyday married life. Sounds like a hokey book.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
My husband escaped his third world country at war, and clawed his way up to a successful adult life, so NO, he's not doing that. I was my mother's caregiver from a young age, as she had a neurodegenerative disease.

Some of us have already gone through the grit mill. We're good.

That’s not what I’m saying. This isn’t about “grit” or “going through the mill” — it’s about how compatible you are as a couple. Two very gritty people could be not compatible as a couple

Don't worry about it. PP just wanted a chance to get on her soapbox. I'm sure she's insufferable in person.

Anonymous wrote:I read this book called “The Defining Decade” by Meg Jay, and it says that potential couples should go on a vacation together to a third world country before getting engaged.

Apparently, vacationing in a place like Nicaragua is a good simulator for marriage. Do you agree with this?

Why? So you can go gawk at the poors?

Anonymous wrote:
My husband escaped his third world country at war, and clawed his way up to a successful adult life, so NO, he's not doing that. I was my mother's caregiver from a young age, as she had a neurodegenerative disease.

Some of us have already gone through the grit mill. We're good.

That’s not what I’m saying. This isn’t about “grit” or “going through the mill” — it’s about how compatible you are as a couple. Two very gritty people could be not compatible as a couple

W T F

My husband escaped his third world country at war, and clawed his way up to a successful adult life, so NO, he's not doing that. I was my mother's caregiver from a young age, as she had a neurodegenerative disease.

Some of us have already gone through the grit mill. We're good.

I visit many 3rd world countries and my spouse and I did it before and after marriage. That is stupid statement, the only indicator is if you vacation well together.

Anonymous wrote:Today in clueless rich people wow

Maybe a cheaper version of this is to take a backpacking trip somewhere really rural and remote, like Montana? I get what the author is saying with the advice

Today in clueless rich people wow

Today in clerked rich people wow

I read this book called “The Defining Decade” by Meg Jay, and it says that potential couples should go on a vacation together to a third world country before getting engaged.

Apparently, vacationing in a place like Nicaragua is a good simulator for marriage. Do you agree with this?