Anonymous wrote:Cousin’s husband diagnosed with cancer. they have terrible insurance so they have high medical costs. The Husband refuses to quit smoking. Family is making me feel guilty for not contributing but unless he quits smoking, I am basically subsidizing his 2 pack a day habit that got him into this predicament. AITA?

They’ve committed the crime of being poor!

Your family is the AH.

Yes you’re the AH.


Also, if the GFM is getting lots of donations, you can just say “I donated anon” and no one will know which one is your donation.

Yes, you’re the A. It’s fine not to contribute if you cannot afford to; it’s fine not to contribute if you never do, but here, your reasons for not contributing are just judgy and stupidly pointless.

He’s likely going to die so it doesn’t matter whether he quits smoking or not, at least not with respect to the lung cancer. You could contribute to help him access medical care to ease his pain or to contribute to their expenses. He’s already being punished for his poor decisions; why do you need to be a sanctimonious twat now? For what purpose?

Anonymous wrote:I don’t give to any GFM so I would not.

Go Fund Me is a racket. If you want to support the family, give to them directly. Why would anyone let GoFundMe take 3% of every donation - just write directly to friends and family and ask them to support you.

Anonymous wrote:I don’t give to any GFM so I would not.

Same. I read your post, but didn't need to because my answer based on your title was the same as the above. If your cousin has kids, I might do something nice for the kids - get an air purifier for their bedrooms or something.

Anonymous wrote:You'd be better off donating to the lung association after he dies. I mean, they know what they're doing when they pick up a cigarette. It also depends on your budget. Your family can donate more if they feel guilty that you're not donating. It's a little late for your money to save him. Really the donation is to help your cousin more than him.

Presumably the donations are to help the family of the terminally ill man pay for their living expenses as well as medical bills. I would not donate "to save him" with my money, but I would definitely donate to support my cousin in buying groceries so that they can pay other bills.

Who setup the GFM?
Anyway to insure your money woukd go to medical bills ?

Anonymous wrote:I would donate $50 and leave his health choices between him and his doctor.

This, especially if you are close to the cousin. If its a cousin you have no relationship with, then no need to donate.

Anonymous wrote:Cousin’s husband diagnosed with cancer. they have terrible insurance so they have high medical costs. The Husband refuses to quit smoking. Family is making me feel guilty for not contributing but unless he quits smoking, I am basically subsidizing his 2 pack a day habit that got him into this predicament. AITA?

In your situation, I would donate a token amount of money due to the family relationship and out of sympathy to his family. I think that YTA if you have ever said the bolded out loud to one of your relatives. I would personally try to keep the peace. If he has lung cancer due to the smoking, that is generally excruciating and over fast. I would not be trying to make an ideological stand over $50 on GFM for a relative. It's not like they're asking for money to buy a new car after crashing their last car.

I would donate $50 and leave his health choices between him and his doctor.

It’s not about him, OP. Your poor cousin is the harried caregiver of a dying loser who is sucking her out of any happiness and all money for retirement.

Donate for your cousin’s sake, not him.

You'd be better off donating to the lung association after he dies. I mean, they know what they're doing when they pick up a cigarette. It also depends on your budget. Your family can donate more if they feel guilty that you're not donating. It's a little late for your money to save him. Really the donation is to help your cousin more than him.

I don’t give to any GFM so I would not.

Cousin’s husband diagnosed with cancer. they have terrible insurance so they have high medical costs. The Husband refuses to quit smoking. Family is making me feel guilty for not contributing but unless he quits smoking, I am basically subsidizing his 2 pack a day habit that got him into this predicament. AITA?