Anonymous wrote:Neither is good but if parents spent most of their resources on their children, getting some help in old age isn't leeching off. Children are only supposed to get help until they aren't adult so afterwards its leeching off to get help from retired parents.
I wouldn't say "neither are good." I can think of lots of situations where it would make sense for an adult child to live with their parents or for an aging parent to live with their kids. I actually would like to move to a house with enough space from my MIL to come stay with us because I think it would be easier for her and for us as she gets older -- she just isn't doing great on her own and living with us is preferable to an old folks home for a variety of reasons.
The issue is the attitude of "leeching off" going either direction. If my adult child was struggling and needed a place to stay, I'd provide it. There would be boundaries and good communication, and no adult is living in my home and contributing nothing. But no, I'm not kicking my kid to the curb and saying "figure it out." I love her. Likewise, my MIL is not destitute, she just probably shouldn't be living alone at this point. We wouldn't charge her rent per se but I would assume that she'd contribute financially to the household for things like food and bills, as we aren't really in a position to fully support her (nor should we have to -- she has a pension and savings).
In a functional family these issues are not so loaded and families can just care for each other.