Anonymous
Post 05/23/2023 17:23     Subject: How to gracefully back out of a grandparent visit?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:The key is to make a decision whether or not you'll be giving a reason. I never give reasons (except to people in my VERY inner circle). So it'd be "It turns out we won't be coming to NY this June after all."

To soften it I'd mention when we WILL see them.


Parents aren't in your inner circle? It's no wonder so many people on DCUM complain they have no friends.


Well, MY very abusive parents aren't in mine - this is how it has to be for me to stay safe. I have never complained about how many friends I have.
Anonymous
Post 05/23/2023 17:18     Subject: How to gracefully back out of a grandparent visit?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Did you tell them you were going, or did you agree to go? Why are they under the impression that you will be there?

Tell the truth: “Just wanted to update you that we will not be able to visit in June as planned. We’ve had a few things come up, and it’s not possible at this time. We understand this is disappointing, but we look forward to seeing you in [next date].”


This sounds like a rejection letter. Stupid stupid stupid.


So what would you suggest OP say?


NP. We need to know what happened to cause OP to hate them.
Anonymous
Post 05/23/2023 17:15     Subject: How to gracefully back out of a grandparent visit?
Anonymous wrote:I usually have very little respect for people who can't get along with extended family.

Statistically speaking, when your kids are grown, they'll hate you, too, and you'll be alone. This is what you're teaching them.


+1 Some day you will be the one hoping for a visit.
Anonymous
Post 05/23/2023 17:07     Subject: How to gracefully back out of a grandparent visit?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Did you tell them you were going, or did you agree to go? Why are they under the impression that you will be there?

Tell the truth: “Just wanted to update you that we will not be able to visit in June as planned. We’ve had a few things come up, and it’s not possible at this time. We understand this is disappointing, but we look forward to seeing you in [next date].”


This sounds like a rejection letter. Stupid stupid stupid.


So what would you suggest OP say?
Anonymous
Post 05/23/2023 16:51     Subject: How to gracefully back out of a grandparent visit?
Anonymous wrote:The key is to make a decision whether or not you'll be giving a reason. I never give reasons (except to people in my VERY inner circle). So it'd be "It turns out we won't be coming to NY this June after all."

To soften it I'd mention when we WILL see them.


Parents aren't in your inner circle?

It's no wonder so many people on DCUM complain they have no friends.
Anonymous
Post 05/23/2023 16:51     Subject: How to gracefully back out of a grandparent visit?
Can you just send the children? They probably don’t want to see you either.
Anonymous
Post 05/23/2023 16:50     Subject: How to gracefully back out of a grandparent visit?
Anonymous wrote:Did you tell them you were going, or did you agree to go? Why are they under the impression that you will be there?

Tell the truth: “Just wanted to update you that we will not be able to visit in June as planned. We’ve had a few things come up, and it’s not possible at this time. We understand this is disappointing, but we look forward to seeing you in [next date].”


This is the best way to handle these situations, assuming you hate the people and they hate you.
Anonymous
Post 05/23/2023 16:48     Subject: How to gracefully back out of a grandparent visit?
The key is to make a decision whether or not you'll be giving a reason. I never give reasons (except to people in my VERY inner circle). So it'd be "It turns out we won't be coming to NY this June after all."

To soften it I'd mention when we WILL see them.
Anonymous
Post 05/23/2023 16:47     Subject: How to gracefully back out of a grandparent visit?
I usually have very little respect for people who can't get along with extended family.

Statistically speaking, when your kids are grown, they'll hate you, too, and you'll be alone. This is what you're teaching them.
Anonymous
Post 05/23/2023 16:42     Subject: How to gracefully back out of a grandparent visit?
Anonymous wrote:Did you tell them you were going, or did you agree to go? Why are they under the impression that you will be there?

Tell the truth: “Just wanted to update you that we will not be able to visit in June as planned. We’ve had a few things come up, and it’s not possible at this time. We understand this is disappointing, but we look forward to seeing you in [next date].”


This sounds like a rejection letter. Stupid stupid stupid.
Anonymous
Post 05/23/2023 16:38     Subject: How to gracefully back out of a grandparent visit?
Your parents? You go. His parents. He goes. A couple times a year.

Make sure they see the grandkids 1x a year, very minimum, or you suck

imo
Anonymous
Post 05/23/2023 16:24     Subject: How to gracefully back out of a grandparent visit?
You can always say you’re testing positive for Covid. But it may be better to say something sooner, like what 15:41 posted above, rather than waiting until the last minute.
Anonymous
Post 05/23/2023 15:41     Subject: How to gracefully back out of a grandparent visit?
Did you tell them you were going, or did you agree to go? Why are they under the impression that you will be there?

Tell the truth: “Just wanted to update you that we will not be able to visit in June as planned. We’ve had a few things come up, and it’s not possible at this time. We understand this is disappointing, but we look forward to seeing you in [next date].”
Anonymous
Post 05/23/2023 15:39     Subject: How to gracefully back out of a grandparent visit?
Anonymous wrote:

maintain the fragile façade of everyone getting along.


how about confronting this head on?
Anonymous
Post 05/23/2023 15:12     Subject: How to gracefully back out of a grandparent visit?


Give me your best lies and falsehoods that help everyone save face in this situation. They expect us to visit in a few weeks. We are definitely not going, at this point it is just a matter of how to present the news in the least bad way possible to maintain the fragile façade of everyone getting along.