I’m getting a divorce. I don’t try to judge people for things such as not having a college degree, but it turns out my ex was just lazy and wanted a free ride in life.

I know a few couples-mostly happy (afaik.) One guy runs small, one-man type businesses that never really go anywhere, so she’s the breadwinner. They’ve been stuck in a condo for 10 years with two kids but I think that’s mostly due to unchecked credit card, and misc spending and optimism on his part that she can’t (or won’t?) crack down on. BUT he is a very involved dad, soccer coach etc, and supportive partner, moved for her career, etc. I’m sure she occasionally resents the pressure of being the insurance holder snd breadwinner but then I also know sahm’s of bigwigs who have similar (or more) lifestyle resentment.

Know another couple where he does construction work and she’s a remote white collar fed. They are both very into fitness and have a very nice life, nice house gorgeous kids, but they live in an exurb where the values are different.

A third couple with unconventional income disparity but not blue collar- her-biglaw and him-adjunct college professor - didn’t work out. I think he thought he could embrace the primary parent role (proud feminist and liberal) but ended up feeling insecure about not being the breadwinner? His serial cheating ended that one so I guess who knows if it was about incomes and childcare but she suspected it played a role. Apparently there is some statistical evidence that men are more likely to cheat if they earn less than their partners, which may be due to them feeling insecure about social pressures around inadequacy as a male provider.

I think it can work op, but you are up against social headwinds some of which are not fair to dads at all. And if you, as a partner, have contempt for him as a provider as well, then that’s a recipe for disaster for the relationship.

Is there anxiety or adhd involved that causes him to need to opt out of work or family pressures that could be treated? What are the ways in which he is a supportive partner or parent? Would you be satisfied paying him child support for many years even if he remarried or found another baby mama which he would be entitled to on your dime? How would your family quality of life decrease if you effectively have to support two households on your current income. Just things to consider, hypothetically, op. Good luck.

I know someone in a “higher level” pink collar job who married someone who has a bachelors degree but has only ever worked hourly type jobs. I’m not sure it will work long term, although I think he will be the one to leave. There are quite a few stressors I see. He’s staying home with their kid now, but apparently talked about wanting to go to grad school and she told him they can’t take on the debt (she is currently paying off $250k in her school loans). She is also very devoted to her religion and he doesn’t practice anything. They also have a young child who seems like may have some special needs. These are a lot of stressors on a marriage, beyond the fact that job wise (although he isn’t currently working) it’s an unequal “match” per se. I think the regular stresses of marriage are tough enough without adding in the fact that professionally they are mismatched.

I know a former lawyer married to a stonemason. Iran a second marriage. I’m not even sure they are married actually just long term partnered. She has some assets and he has none but she seems pretty down at heel.

Anonymous wrote:If you have a graduate degree and have a decent professional job and are married to a man with no college and working in a low-paying job (not a trade), do you feel resentful or does it work out? What if the guy takes care of the kids sometimes but pawns them off to his mother?

I have a PhD (university professor) and have been dating a man who calls himself blue-collar. He is very sweet, and I really like him. We will see.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this is fairly rare to be honest. Yes there are educated professional women married to men without degrees but those men tend to be in the trades or in stable jobs (firefighters, military etc.).

There are very few educated professional women married to men who are high school dropouts that occasionally work hourly jobs

Rare but does happen. Know a women who was a senior marketing person at a trade association. Married to an Apple Store hourly employee.

Is he hot? Tall?

I know a few professional women (2 law and 1 doctor) their husbands are blue collar guys but are skilled tradesmen who are smart enough to have done anything they wanted to. Neither of these women would be satisfied with a man that had an unskilled job, maybe for a fling but nothing long term.

Anonymous wrote:I think this is fairly rare to be honest. Yes there are educated professional women married to men without degrees but those men tend to be in the trades or in stable jobs (firefighters, military etc.).

There are very few educated professional women married to men who are high school dropouts that occasionally work hourly jobs

Rare but does happen. Know a women who was a senior marketing person at a trade association. Married to an Apple Store hourly employee.

Anonymous wrote:If you have a graduate degree and have a decent professional job and are married to a man with no college and working in a low-paying job (not a trade), do you feel resentful or does it work out? What if the guy takes care of the kids sometimes but pawns them off to his mother?

Twins are hard. No?

Anonymous wrote:I think this is fairly rare to be honest. Yes there are educated professional women married to men without degrees but those men tend to be in the trades or in stable jobs (firefighters, military etc.).

There are very few educated professional women married to men who are high school dropouts that occasionally work hourly jobs

Not rare at all. I know several women like this. One got married after many years of living together and even buying a house for them just so the man could get health benefits.

This just depends completely on the couple. I know several couples where one half does not work or do housekeeping. In one case it's because of mental health reasons, not sure about the others and of course its not my business.

If you're unhappy then you are unhappy. It doesn't matter whether other people are.

Anonymous wrote:This seems weirdly specific as opposed to hypothetical.

LOL indeed, especially "pawns them off on his mother"

I think this is fairly rare to be honest. Yes there are educated professional women married to men without degrees but those men tend to be in the trades or in stable jobs (firefighters, military etc.).

There are very few educated professional women married to men who are high school dropouts that occasionally work hourly jobs

This seems weirdly specific as opposed to hypothetical.

If you have a graduate degree and have a decent professional job and are married to a man with no college and working in a low-paying job (not a trade), do you feel resentful or does it work out? What if the guy takes care of the kids sometimes but pawns them off to his mother?