Anonymous wrote:How old is she?

I have a 19 yo and 16 yo and never ran into this. Is she giving a specific reason?

This. What does she find embarrassing about it? My two were always fine with us attending any event where parents were invited. I also subbed at my kids schools and they were fine with that too.

My kids play travel soccer and we have been asked to watch silently. We don’t coach from the sideline but apparently my positive cheers were too loud and embarrassing. “Cringe” to be exact. They are elementary and middle school age kids. However, they want me to watch so I’m the parent sitting quietly biting my nails so I don’t accidentally cheer.

My daughter did track thru high school. These are the instructions I received from her regarding my attendance and participation...
Freshman year: Do not cheer. Not the team, not her, and in no way acknowledge association.
Sophomore year: Limited cheering in a general sense for the team is allowed. Avoid being a prominent fan, and still absolutely forbidden to cheer for her individually, or make my relationship with her obvious. (While acknowledging other team parents will figure it out.)
Junior year: A breakthrough! I am allowed to call out her name. Still, encouraged to be "low key"
Senior year. Anything goes! Whoop it up!
Throughout a 4 years, what was clear was that she appreciated my support, even when it was only a silent presence.
So, OP, if you can respect your kids wishes, you can make it through this completely normal and developmently appropriate period!

If you look at the CDC or other websites listing listing developmental milestones for this age, "being embarrassed by your parents" is literally on the list.

Do you look strange? Maybe work on your appearance

Are these school events that every other parent is invited to or schools events for kids that you are volunteering for? I would not stop going to school events that all other parents were invited to but I would ask to see if there is something specific DD doesn't like. I know my DD doesn't like me to take to many pictures so I try to only take a couple and don't make a big deal about lining her and her friends up. If you are volunteering at school for events where there aren't lots of other parents I might consider dropping that. For kids, school is their space and I think it can be awkward having parents there.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd attempt to strike a deal about it. What does she dislike about you attending? Figure that part out.

Ex: she doesn't like you waving or cheering for her because you are CRINGE. Agree that if you come, you will not do those things. You will be a stone statue in the back who will not let anyone in attendance know she is your daughter. Then sulk out the door at the end without talking to her and never mention it again.

I agree with this advice. My mom would try to round up all my friends for pictures, would sit as close as possible and wave wildly to get mine and my friends' attentions, would be videoing and taking pics the whole time, etc. I know she was just excited and being supportive, but as a young teen I was mortified and hated it when she attended. Unfortunately my mom wasn't the type of mom I could discuss this with, so I just spent a couple years being resentful and embarrassed

You didn't get over it with age? Did you ever think your mom did this because nobody showed up for her?

Of course I got over it. I said I was a young teen and spent a couple years being resentful and embarrassed. I don't remember the exact age but it was something like 12-14 or 13-15. And her parents were very involved in her life. My mom just likes to be super involved but in the way she wants. If I had told her how I felt I would have gotten something along the lines of "I'm so sorry that I'm such an embarrassment. I'm clearly a horrible mother for just trying to support you. I'll never show up to anything again.".

Regardless, my experience is not the same as OPs. But it is worth it to discuss with her daughter why she doesn't want her going.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd attempt to strike a deal about it. What does she dislike about you attending? Figure that part out.

Ex: she doesn't like you waving or cheering for her because you are CRINGE. Agree that if you come, you will not do those things. You will be a stone statue in the back who will not let anyone in attendance know she is your daughter. Then sulk out the door at the end without talking to her and never mention it again.

I agree with this advice. My mom would try to round up all my friends for pictures, would sit as close as possible and wave wildly to get mine and my friends' attentions, would be videoing and taking pics the whole time, etc. I know she was just excited and being supportive, but as a young teen I was mortified and hated it when she attended. Unfortunately my mom wasn't the type of mom I could discuss this with, so I just spent a couple years being resentful and embarrassed

You didn't get over it with age? Did you ever think your mom did this because nobody showed up for her?

How cringe are you? Do you show up looking well put together and cute? Do you try to give hugs and kisses in public? Have you gone out of your way to make their friends like you? (For instance one of my friends' moms used to follow us around when she had friends over. She'd sit next to us and watch movies. She's try to play games with us when we were middle school+. We all avoided that house like the plague. Another friend had the "cool house". She had a nice basement set up, her mom would give us awesome snacks and didn't randomly check up on us. She always remembered our names)

I would try seeing if you can get her to explain why. Then empathize with the feelings behind the reasons. Like, "It makes sense to me that you feel nervous about being embarrassed. Many people would feel that way in your situation."

Then see if you can reach a compromise based on whatever she is concerned about.

Anonymous wrote:I'd attempt to strike a deal about it. What does she dislike about you attending? Figure that part out.

Ex: she doesn't like you waving or cheering for her because you are CRINGE. Agree that if you come, you will not do those things. You will be a stone statue in the back who will not let anyone in attendance know she is your daughter. Then sulk out the door at the end without talking to her and never mention it again.

I agree with this advice. My mom would try to round up all my friends for pictures, would sit as close as possible and wave wildly to get mine and my friends' attentions, would be videoing and taking pics the whole time, etc. I know she was just excited and being supportive, but as a young teen I was mortified and hated it when she attended. Unfortunately my mom wasn't the type of mom I could discuss this with, so I just spent a couple years being resentful and embarrassed

I have an 18 year old son and 13 year old daughter and they would be hurt if we did not show up.

However I understand that some adolescents have a more extreme phase of separating from their parents. One, out of all the teens I know, was like this for a few years. It's within the range of normal, but from my observation it's not the most common situation.

I'd attempt to strike a deal about it. What does she dislike about you attending? Figure that part out.

Ex: she doesn't like you waving or cheering for her because you are CRINGE. Agree that if you come, you will not do those things. You will be a stone statue in the back who will not let anyone in attendance know she is your daughter. Then sulk out the door at the end without talking to her and never mention it again.

How old is she?

I have a 19 yo and 16 yo and never ran into this. Is she giving a specific reason?

Showing up to school events for her. Is this a phase? What did you do when your child begged you not to make an appearance?