Anonymous
05/07/2023 20:13
Subject: Mother - too much
Can she be medicated?
Anonymous
05/07/2023 20:08
Subject: Mother - too much
A classic techno for someone who makes impossible requests: for traval or projects or whatever: say we can try, and work on a plan, and keep kicking the can down the road. Sometimes the idea is more valuable than doing the thing.
Anonymous
05/05/2023 22:52
Subject: Mother - too much
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:The first issue is the dementia. Could you take her to a neurologist? While there is no way to stop it there are meds that can help.
Anger, agitation, anxiety all are symptoms.
Early stages can be rough because they seem normal, but they lose some of their emotions and rationality. I had a loved one like this -- in the early stage you could spend all day with them and it still wasn't enough. Also needed 100% attention at ALL times and would get jealous.
Start treating her more like a teenager rather than an equal. Say affirming things like "I love you but I have to work, and you are going to be doing x while I do." What I mean is don't involve her in decisions, make them for her and stay firm, but amp the love bombing so she doesn't feel abandoned.
Support group too!
This is happening. I spend so much time and it’s never enough. Also the jealousy. When I cuddle my dog even! Why is this happening?
It's freaky isn't it? My mom became so endlessly needy. They need to be with peers who are lonely too. I would look into an adult senior day program. You can often visit for lunch. You can use a therapeutic lie the first day you drop her off, like you have to fumigate the house. They just make it a daily thing. It gets worse in my experience. Anxiety meds help if they will take them, but doses need to be adjusted.
Anonymous
05/04/2023 12:07
Subject: Mother - too much
Anonymous wrote:The first issue is the dementia. Could you take her to a neurologist? While there is no way to stop it there are meds that can help.
Anger, agitation, anxiety all are symptoms.
Early stages can be rough because they seem normal, but they lose some of their emotions and rationality. I had a loved one like this -- in the early stage you could spend all day with them and it still wasn't enough. Also needed 100% attention at ALL times and would get jealous.
Start treating her more like a teenager rather than an equal. Say affirming things like "I love you but I have to work, and you are going to be doing x while I do." What I mean is don't involve her in decisions, make them for her and stay firm, but amp the love bombing so she doesn't feel abandoned.
Support group too!
This is happening. I spend so much time and it’s never enough. Also the jealousy. When I cuddle my dog even! Why is this happening?
Anonymous
05/02/2023 22:11
Subject: Mother - too much
The first issue is the dementia. Could you take her to a neurologist? While there is no way to stop it there are meds that can help.
Anger, agitation, anxiety all are symptoms.
Early stages can be rough because they seem normal, but they lose some of their emotions and rationality. I had a loved one like this -- in the early stage you could spend all day with them and it still wasn't enough. Also needed 100% attention at ALL times and would get jealous.
Start treating her more like a teenager rather than an equal. Say affirming things like "I love you but I have to work, and you are going to be doing x while I do." What I mean is don't involve her in decisions, make them for her and stay firm, but amp the love bombing so she doesn't feel abandoned.
Support group too!
Anger, agitation, anxiety all are symptoms.
Early stages can be rough because they seem normal, but they lose some of their emotions and rationality. I had a loved one like this -- in the early stage you could spend all day with them and it still wasn't enough. Also needed 100% attention at ALL times and would get jealous.
Start treating her more like a teenager rather than an equal. Say affirming things like "I love you but I have to work, and you are going to be doing x while I do." What I mean is don't involve her in decisions, make them for her and stay firm, but amp the love bombing so she doesn't feel abandoned.
Support group too!
Anonymous
05/01/2023 19:23
Subject: Mother - too much
Anonymous wrote:I think its like when you're raising children - you don't take the bad stuff personally, so the looks and tantrums, just move past them and keep doing what you're doing. I think you're doing great.
Having been through it, I disagree. With your kids they are learning to manage emotions and you see improvements and you commend it. With an elderly parent it gets worse and worse and you really can't move past it sometimes. In fact, sometimes it escalates despite your best efforts. I would explore long term solutions where you can be in her life and be at your best, but escape when things get dicey and know she is in good hands.
Anonymous
05/01/2023 14:21
Subject: Mother - too much
I think its like when you're raising children - you don't take the bad stuff personally, so the looks and tantrums, just move past them and keep doing what you're doing. I think you're doing great.
Anonymous
04/28/2023 17:35
Subject: Mother - too much
Maybe set up a regular schedule and stick to it. No guilt trips. Make the schedule very easy -for you- to accommodate, not too much. She may behave the same but once you feel more empowered, and a schedule of your making will do this, her behavior will not affect you nearly as much.
Anonymous
04/28/2023 17:20
Subject: Mother - too much
Anonymous wrote:You are a great daughter, she is lucky.
For your health and that of the rest of the family, you must set some limits. How often you see her, how long those times last. How many trips, how far away.
She will be disappointed, but she is just one of your responsibilities. You are doing the best you can. That is what we must all do. It will be enough.
Don't fall into the great daughter/bad daughter trap. I agree you need to set limits and learn to detach. You may never please her. For her brain health she needs social activities outside of interacting with you and for your mental health you need breaks from her. I would look into adult day centers. Is residential an option she can afford?
Anonymous
04/28/2023 16:55
Subject: Mother - too much
You are a great daughter, she is lucky.
For your health and that of the rest of the family, you must set some limits. How often you see her, how long those times last. How many trips, how far away.
She will be disappointed, but she is just one of your responsibilities. You are doing the best you can. That is what we must all do. It will be enough.
For your health and that of the rest of the family, you must set some limits. How often you see her, how long those times last. How many trips, how far away.
She will be disappointed, but she is just one of your responsibilities. You are doing the best you can. That is what we must all do. It will be enough.
Anonymous
04/28/2023 14:39
Subject: Re:Mother - too much
^she says I should take her to X or Y places in the summer. One is a 7 Hr drive, the other 10 hours - a foreign country I don’t know well. I said we can take a bus (flight is complicated), and then she doesn’t want to do it. My sister doesn’t even invite her to her vacation home. It’s all on me. All the demands.
Anonymous
04/28/2023 14:33
Subject: Mother - too much
I love my mom and either she stays with us or we’re are at her house most of the year. She’s lonely and starting to show signs of dementia. It’s sad, I want to spend time with her. But it’s getting to be a lot - when she’s here, she wants to spend all day doing stuff with me. I have kids and work. My work is suffering from this. When I meet up with a friend, she’s angry. I took her to a senior class and she looked sad like I was doing some sort of meanest thing ever to her (then she liked it anyway). The constant guilt trips and demands that I should take her here or there are ruining my time with her.