Anonymous wrote:This is why those giant houses in OBX exist.

This. Your parents are past active vacations.

Anonymous wrote:OMG YES, we are in the middle of this. I recently canceled a big tropical trip with my parents - instead we will be visiting them at a resort I know they like, that is driving distance from their house.

I didn't tell them why because they are in denial about their abilities and the fact they are aging. Their MO is to not tell me about their health issues (bad knee, hurt foot, dietary prohibitions) and try to be game for regular activities, but then actually be in pain and cranky. Each will pull me aside a couple hours into the day to tell me about the other one's health issues that should have caused us to plan something entirely different. (Always the other one's; they never share their own.) Meanwhile I have spent ticket money etc. and the kids want to see the things we came to see.

They also have difficulty sleeping and are extremely picky about beds, noise, weather, leg room in rental cars ... I much prefer to plan a low-key week at a beach or even in my hometown, someplace they've been and we know they can be comfortable. I am fine with that kind of vacation but I wish they could see the need for it, instead of trying to get us all to fly to an island or something.

I laughed at the bolded. This is a constant for us with our in-laws, whether traveling or not. They also both think the other should not be driving, and they are both very correct (and fortunately both willing to stop).

Totally normal.

My dad was the go with the flow type. My mom would complain about thing nonstop. We did two cruises with them in their late 60s that worked out okayish. Beyond that I didn't dare to plan. After dad passed away mom mentioned several times that she missed travel. I always felt guilty about not taking her to more places, until I remembered how hard it was to travel with her. I sent her on organized group tours and she had a good time and I was happy too. So that's what worked for us.

Honestly I’ve had trips like that just with my nuclear family. Some trips just don’t live up to the hype.

My 80yo dad just did his first big intl trip post covid and he reported being more tired than he used to get, got turned around in cities, etc. He’s a seasoned traveler and usually pretty easy, but admitted that 3 years at home really threw him off his game and he said he really felt old. It wasn’t a family trip, he was with all older/elderly friends, but it sounded like several of them mentioned that their first trip outside the US after not travelling during covid left them feeling rusty and just “off.” I’m guessing it’s like unused muscles — you don’t realize just how much ground you’ve lost and then everything is harder than it “should be.”

Anonymous wrote:OP, I empathize. We did this with my parents in Japan and it was extremely challenging. They can’t walk as fast anymore and not as mobile and the rest of us are very active. Our excursions were slowed down to the point that we weren’t able to cover our points of interests. One of our issues is that they want to tag along with us all the time. We thought it would be beneficial for them if we let them rest in the hotel occasionally, but they insist on joining despite mobility issues and we even hired our very own private travel tour guide and shuttle.

Yup. This is my exact issue traveling with my in-laws. I’ve already notified them that we are doing our own things during the day!

OMG YES, we are in the middle of this. I recently canceled a big tropical trip with my parents - instead we will be visiting them at a resort I know they like, that is driving distance from their house.

I didn't tell them why because they are in denial about their abilities and the fact they are aging. Their MO is to not tell me about their health issues (bad knee, hurt foot, dietary prohibitions) and try to be game for regular activities, but then actually be in pain and cranky. Each will pull me aside a couple hours into the day to tell me about the other one's health issues that should have caused us to plan something entirely different. (Always the other one's; they never share their own.) Meanwhile I have spent ticket money etc. and the kids want to see the things we came to see.

They also have difficulty sleeping and are extremely picky about beds, noise, weather, leg room in rental cars ... I much prefer to plan a low-key week at a beach or even in my hometown, someplace they've been and we know they can be comfortable. I am fine with that kind of vacation but I wish they could see the need for it, instead of trying to get us all to fly to an island or something.

OP, I empathize. We did this with my parents in Japan and it was extremely challenging. They can’t walk as fast anymore and not as mobile and the rest of us are very active. Our excursions were slowed down to the point that we weren’t able to cover our points of interests. One of our issues is that they want to tag along with us all the time. We thought it would be beneficial for them if we let them rest in the hotel occasionally, but they insist on joining despite mobility issues and we even hired our very own private travel tour guide and shuttle.

Ugh. We are traveling abroad this summer with my MIL, and I am not looking forward to it.

We go on a cruise with the grandparents. They often choose not to get off the boat. We may do different excursions. Or we go together, but while we climb to the top of the church tower, they’ll grab a seat in the shade.

No one has to cook and we all have our own rooms. Kids have independence in the evenings with clubs.


None of us really wanted to do a cruise the first time around. But now, for a generational travel, it does work out well.

You need to adjust travel as they get older. When mine hit about 70 we started going to resorts where they could hang out and enjoy themselves and we would do a day excursion here and there.

Now (80's) we actually rent a place on the beach one town over from where they live and they like the pool/and screened porch then take an afternoon siesta and we hit the beach for a few hours. We make dinners and go out for a couple of dinners and lunches. This way- no flights, short drive for them and a lot of great together time- this is what matters most now.

This is why those giant houses in OBX exist.

It sounds like the trip was just more than they could handle. Maybe you can plan something that better accomodates their needs for next time. Including hiring an aide so that you don't have to juggle it all.

I'm sorry, OP. It does sound as though active trips like these aren't enjoyable for your parents any more. Perhaps you will be still be able to plan family trips that are more sedentary, but near activities for your kids?

I am headed for a similar situation. We are about to plan an international trip to Asia with my parents and my children. We will meet with relatives there. It's been nearly 10 years we haven't done this trip! I suppose I can learn from you and deliberately reduce the number of activities with my 72 year old parents, and maybe have my husband take the children to fun things without us. And keep the organized tours to a minimum!

Just returned from big family travel with my parents (in their mid-late 70s). It was a very hyped up trip to an international country. My parents were ready to go w/ the flow - since we were traveling w/ a mid-sized group. They haven’t travelled in about 7-years. Well - it was a tough trip and turned out to be way harder than anyone expected. Issues included nausea, diarrhea, complaints about hotels, food, luggage, being disorganized, hot, hungry, not liking the group and tour guide, too much activity, the list goes on. I tried very hard to be understanding and patient while also trying to enjoy the trip with my own kids. But I was overwhelmed. I feel guilty for not being more understanding and patient and kind with my parents and more fun and present with my own kids. Feels sad that I won’t want to travel like that again. Anyone else have a similar travel experience?