It’s so dependent on the individuals involved and their situation. I’m a SAHM and I know that the transition back will be good because a) DH has climbed the ladder enough to have flexibility to manage a lot of kid stuff even though his job is demanding and b) he is already very involved with housekeeping. It helps that the kids are in school full time!

If you’ve got a guy with little who thinks he doesn’t have to do anything when he gets home, doesn’t make sure his wife gets breaks from the kids, refuses to learn how to do things so that he never has to do them, etc., it’s going to be hard.

I know you asked for the perspective of the DH but men who fit into the second category aren’t going to come on here and admit that they had a difficult time with the adjustment because they were suddenly expected to do more than earn money and they didn’t like that.

OMG!!!

Why do you women keep marrying these incompetent men?!?!

My husband literally does half of everything. That was my expectation from day 1. His expectation was the same, literally half. Yes, I'm responsible for bringing in 50% of the income. It takes the pressure off him too. We both rise in our careers, although maybe at a slightly slower rate, but our income has been in the top 1% for 18 years - rather than after one of us hit some career milestone. Oh, and yes, he also took leave with each kid - 3 months FMLA (unpaid). I tool 3 months of which 2 weeks were paid.

Anonymous wrote:Oh please. Mine can’t do either one. If I’m working then my job is stupid and a waste of time. If I’m home I’m a lazy incompetent parasite. Either way he doesn’t help. The only job that works is total dependence on him with no demands no complaints a positive attitude and no anxiety while he makes all the decisions.

At least yours makes decisions!

Either way-- they expect women to manage the mental load of kids + the house + anticipating needs/schedules. Find me a man who can handle the birthday party invite, pick out a suitable gift, wrapping and card w/o a reminder. Does such a guy exist?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most men would love to

Then why do men make it so hard for moms to keep working. They would “love” for women to be a SAHM who happens to somehow bring in a full time income. But they sure don’t love to do half the SAHM labor.

Exactly. I think many SAHM would also love to work if the deal included equal help at home but it rarely does.
Cue all the WOHM/DHs chiming in about how their household is completely equal and therefore SAHMs are unnecessary.

Anonymous wrote:Most men would love to

Then why do men make it so hard for moms to keep working. They would “love” for women to be a SAHM who happens to somehow bring in a full time income. But they sure don’t love to do half the SAHM labor.

Anonymous wrote:OP is either joking, trolling, or stupid.

You must be a sahm mom

OP is either joking, trolling, or stupid.

Do you mean can a man leave his SAHM and marry his working AP? Sure, but he'll probably be looked down upon by everyone at work. And he'll probably expect his AP to do all the things the SAHM used to do, while still working. I wouldn't recommend it.

Oh please. Mine can’t do either one. If I’m working then my job is stupid and a waste of time. If I’m home I’m a lazy incompetent parasite. Either way he doesn’t help. The only job that works is total dependence on him with no demands no complaints a positive attitude and no anxiety while he makes all the decisions.

Of course. If they are so rigid that they can’t, that’s a character flaw.

Most men would love to

If they want the wife to be successful, they have to change. They have to step up on the childcare front and not just do drop off they have to do pick up half the time too. Drop off is much easier than pick up. They may have to have wife only do drop off and they only do pick up until wife has made enough chits to be able to leave at a certain time. They need to help with homework, hire a cleaning person or clean it themselves, plan shop and make meals, organize doctors appointments and other activities, plan vacations…….. The newly working spouse needs to be the one that can lean in to their career while other working spouse can lean back a bit and cash in on their experience and take on less at work.

You mean remarriage?

What are some of the challenges that you have faced as the new spouse?