I dont' compare my kids to each other, even as adults.

Anonymous wrote:They care in different ways, just as we love them in different ways. Example: DD, a college student, will be out running errands when she's at home and will text to say, "Want me to pick up some Sweetgreen for you?" DS, middle and in grad school in the same field I work in, will text a link to an op/ed and ask "This is interesting. What do you think?" DS, oldest and working on the west coast will text a heart emoji on the anniversary of our beloved dog's passing. I'm grateful for all these ways of expressing love and caring. And I'm grateful for being able to see my kids grow up to be the fascinating and complex people they are.

Ours care about us and show it in many ways, but differently. They are very different personalities and we show our love the best ways for both of them.

They care in different ways, just as we love them in different ways. Example: DD, a college student, will be out running errands when she's at home and will text to say, "Want me to pick up some Sweetgreen for you?" DS, middle and in grad school in the same field I work in, will text a link to an op/ed and ask "This is interesting. What do you think?" DS, oldest and working on the west coast will text a heart emoji on the anniversary of our beloved dog's passing. I'm grateful for all these ways of expressing love and caring. And I'm grateful for being able to see my kids grow up to be the fascinating and complex people they are.

Anonymous wrote:Learning that people go through stages of caring and separating from parents along a spectrum. Some AC actually almost estrange themselves and look for flimsy reasons to do so just because they are trying to establish their own identity, are insecure, become jealous of a sibling, etc.
So you never know who will be there in the end. Usually it is the oldest daughter that takes the reigns, but in many cases that just isn't it.

Also, it may be none of the kids if they are far away or, frankly, too self absorbed. Get ready, this generation has a lot of those.

Yup. There are so many factors involved. Its better to have no expectations and take everything as a bonus than have expectations and being disappointed.

Learning that people go through stages of caring and separating from parents along a spectrum. Some AC actually almost estrange themselves and look for flimsy reasons to do so just because they are trying to establish their own identity, are insecure, become jealous of a sibling, etc.
So you never know who will be there in the end. Usually it is the oldest daughter that takes the reigns, but in many cases that just isn't it.

Also, it may be none of the kids if they are far away or, frankly, too self absorbed. Get ready, this generation has a lot of those.

Is there a difference due to gender, birth order or other reasons?