I’m OP- all of the teachers at her school offer lunchtime help a couple of times a week. She goes in on his available days. After school, he gets paid to tutor through compensatory services.

I truly love the teacher, as does she. He is encouraging, welcoming, and never puts her down. That’s why this was surprising. I think you can say no, but maybe he should have given a different reason. He straight out said that he will never give a recommendation for a student who doesn’t earn an A. That’s what rubbed me the wrong way- that he only sees high students as worthy- or at least that’s what his comment came out as.

I would never complain about him to anyone! He’s done so much for her. A B with her challenges is beyond amazing and a lot of thanks goes to him. That said, I feel the way he made the comment was not acceptable and wish he had reworded it.

But as I said, we moved on. She’s a great kid and has other options for her recommendations!

I’m one of the earlier teacher posters and had another thought - is this teacher giving voluntary help sessions while giving up his lunch break? I don’t know anyone that does this. Is your daughter asking to stay several times during lunch and he’s agreeing or is he offering to everyone? I often have students ask to stay during lunch and the answer is always no. That’s my only break.

Maybe what you are viewing as a positive is not viewed the same as the teacher. Of course, he should just say no if the lunch help isn’t his idea.

You can’t force a teacher to write a recommendation, she needs to move on.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Find a different teacher. Also, file a formal complaint with the school administration. That teacher needs consequences.

I would NOT complain to the admin. This teacher said no because he felt he could not write a strong recommendation. Maybe he was being polite when he said it was because of her grade.

Would you really want him to be forced to say yes and then write a bad recommendation? He did you the favor of being honest, he felt he could not write a strong rec, and now the kid can go to someone who can.

Move on.

Agree. Teacher’s need to feel comfortable giving honest feedback and also need to manage their own workloads. I would be disappointed if I were your daughter (or you - on her behalf) but that doesn’t make this teacher wrong.

Agree. Honestly, if your daughter was really doing multiple tutoring a week with this teacher, and giving it her all, the teacher would just presumably give the recommendation because he'd have a close relationship with her. I would assume there's more going on here, sorry. That maybe your daughter's attitude at tutoring is not as all-out enthusiastic as you think she is.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Find a different teacher. Also, file a formal complaint with the school administration. That teacher needs consequences.

I would NOT complain to the admin. This teacher said no because he felt he could not write a strong recommendation. Maybe he was being polite when he said it was because of her grade.

Would you really want him to be forced to say yes and then write a bad recommendation? He did you the favor of being honest, he felt he could not write a strong rec, and now the kid can go to someone who can.

Move on.

Agree. Teacher’s need to feel comfortable giving honest feedback and also need to manage their own workloads. I would be disappointed if I were your daughter (or you - on her behalf) but that doesn’t make this teacher wrong.

Anonymous wrote:Find a different teacher. Also, file a formal complaint with the school administration. That teacher needs consequences.

I would NOT complain to the admin. This teacher said no because he felt he could not write a strong recommendation. Maybe he was being polite when he said it was because of her grade.

Would you really want him to be forced to say yes and then write a bad recommendation? He did you the favor of being honest, he felt he could not write a strong rec, and now the kid can go to someone who can.

Move on.

Thank you all- especially the teachers who took their time to comment. To clarify, I wasn't going to have her push it. I was more just surprised and disappointed that a teacher would say that and was trying to gauge if my feelings were justified. I am glad to know that other teachers do value things other than just earning an A!

Find a different teacher. Also, file a formal complaint with the school administration. That teacher needs consequences.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As annoying as the position is, you don't want a reluctant rec.

I’m a high school teacher. You don’t want this teacher’s recommendation.

I write plenty of recommendations for students with Bs and Cs. Students’ achievements sometimes aren’t reflected in a letter grade, and I’m able to articulate that. Sometimes I highlight work ethic, or growth, or perseverance. Honesty, I think some of my best letters are the ones that highlight something other than straight As.

If this teacher isn’t willing, however, don’t push it. Head to other teachers. I recommend a resume or letter that tells the other teacher what your child got out of that class. It personalizes the class for the teacher and provides a glimpse at your child that the teacher may not have had the opportunity to see.

+1. I’m a high school math teacher and you never want to press a teacher that says no. Find someone else. I’ve only said no to students I don’t actually know, like they were in a club I sponsored and never came, or ones I had a long time ago and it wouldn’t be relevant. I find it easier to write recommendations describing how hard a student works to overcome something, no matter what the final grade ends up being.

BUT as a math teacher, I get asked to write a lot. I do it because it helps them. I know a lot of teachers who cap the amount they will write in any given year to manage their own work load. Some will only write the first 20 that ask. Others may restrict it to a certain grade or above to give themselves a clear way to cut down the number.

I’d find another teacher for the rec, but would flag for the GC. Sounds like a jerk.

Anonymous wrote:As annoying as the position is, you don't want a reluctant rec.

I’m a high school teacher. You don’t want this teacher’s recommendation.

I write plenty of recommendations for students with Bs and Cs. Students’ achievements sometimes aren’t reflected in a letter grade, and I’m able to articulate that. Sometimes I highlight work ethic, or growth, or perseverance. Honesty, I think some of my best letters are the ones that highlight something other than straight As.

If this teacher isn’t willing, however, don’t push it. Head to other teachers. I recommend a resume or letter that tells the other teacher what your child got out of that class. It personalizes the class for the teacher and provides a glimpse at your child that the teacher may not have had the opportunity to see.

As annoying as the position is, you don't want a reluctant rec.

That is really terrible. A b with a student working as hard as they can is ver good.

I think it is what it is for this teacher. She’ll find someone else who can write a good review.

My DD is a good average student (A’s and B’s with an occasional C depending on the subject). Her main curriculum challenge is in math, but she’s an incredibly hard worker and goes in multiple lunches a week and also does 2x week tutoring after school with her teacher. With the help, she is able to earn a B (which we are thrilled with).

The guidance counselors told the kids to ask the teachers they had close relationships with for recommendations so that they could address the student’s strengths. My DD thought her math teacher could highlight her strength of hard work and perseverance and certainly knows her best, so thought he’d be a great resource.

He straight out said no and that he only will do recommendations for students who earn A’s. This is really rubbing her (and me) the wrong way. I’m okay with him saying no to the recommendation, but to say it’s because she earns B’s in math with a math disability?

She is perseverating about it and now I am too. I’m curious what you all think about this? I have helped her find other teachers to ask but can she really only ask teachers that she gets A’s with? Because those are the teachers she has less of a relationship with because she needs less support. Thoughts?