Anonymous wrote:Yes! Thank you for bringing this up, op. Both siblings have been to therapy and both are estranged from my mom and me. Both have very high standards for others and lower standards for them. They expect forgiveness for things they do but are very harsh against ANY thing you do or say even if your intentions were meant for good. For example, sending a gift to their child because you love them but they tell you that you are " love bombing"

My one sibling cut us off but my other sibling wants a fake relationship where she just tells us how wonderful life is but never wanting to discuss any problems to have a real relationship

It is very frustrating but I have had to let go because there is nothing I can do.

This is what I can’t stand. Everything has a negative label. “Love bombing” is the worst.

I think self-love is profound selfishness. I also had a therapist decide to DEBATE me about my religious beliefs (Catholicism) because he was one of those supreme atheists. I am extremely wary of ever doing therapy again after that. I just want tools to combat my OCD.

This reminds me of the acquaintance who asked me to take on a volunteer position, then announced that she needed to learn to prioritize herself and she should have just told me that SHE wanted the position, but since I had already started we had to share the position. Then she sent a text saying that "in an act of radical self-love" she would need to step down from the position.

I mean, what the what.

Come to think of it, my two friends who are most into therapy are also the most likely to cancel plans at the very last minute. I guess they are protecting their own boundaries, or whatever, but it gets very annoying and makes me not want to even bother trying to see them anymore.

I have an old friend who is really critical of others and also really sensitive. Things that seem like no big deal to me are really hurtful to her and she will ruminate on them for a long time. She also will “cut people off” if she doesn’t feel sufficiently appreciated, reciprocated, etc. She is single and in her late 40s now and has been an avid therapy goer since her 20s. She often uses language her therapist gives her to justify pushing people away or cutting them off - or she will describe an event and before I even react, she adds that her therapist agrees with her.

It makes me sad for her because I feel like her therapist has coached and encourage her to push people away under the guise of “protecting herself from toxic people” - which just makes her more dependent on the therapist. I think she is genuinely hurting so I don’t want to say she’s overly sensitive or overreacting - but it seems like she’s spent decades with therapists who tell her what she wants to hear and support her avoiding anything difficult instead of learning how to advocate for herself and work towards positive relationships. When a therapist eventually does get to a point of asking her to do something hard, she leaves and finds another therapist and starts the cycle all over.

Anonymous wrote:I've been through two rounds of therapy, once for 4 years and once for 2. I went weekly at first, then monthly for last 6 months. Therapy helped me change the way I think about certain events from my childhood, which traumatized me. I have 4 siblings, none of which has felt the need for therapy even though we were raised in the same house by the same parents. Neither therapist tried to turn me against my family, to the contrary, they helped me be more accepting and less judgmental of them and of myself. We're all trying to live our lives the best we can. I chose to do therapy because I was depressed. I am content now and my family relationships are intact; although I'm sure my siblings side eye me and judge me for doing therapy as you all judge your family. My alternative was suicide, so try to get on board with my choice to seek help. Thanks.

Sounds like it worked out great for you and I am totally on board with that. Would never, ever judge the seeking if therapy for people experiencing depression or suicidal thoughts. What I raise my eyebrows at is the idea that everyone could benefit from therapy, or that people need a therapist to help them navigate making dinner plans with a group of friends, that type of thing.

I've been through two rounds of therapy, once for 4 years and once for 2. I went weekly at first, then monthly for last 6 months. Therapy helped me change the way I think about certain events from my childhood, which traumatized me. I have 4 siblings, none of which has felt the need for therapy even though we were raised in the same house by the same parents. Neither therapist tried to turn me against my family, to the contrary, they helped me be more accepting and less judgmental of them and of myself. We're all trying to live our lives the best we can. I chose to do therapy because I was depressed. I am content now and my family relationships are intact; although I'm sure my siblings side eye me and judge me for doing therapy as you all judge your family. My alternative was suicide, so try to get on board with my choice to seek help. Thanks.

OTOH, my brother cut off my parents, and he’s never been to therapy. The same black and white thinking and self-view that led him to cut off my parents also damaged/ended his relationship with his live-in GF and sometimes negatively impacts his relationship with his friends. He should go to therapy but he would never.

I am the only family member he still speaks to, so I want to maintain a relationship, and he seems to want a relationship with me and my kids, but the same behavior that damaged his relationship with other people is also damaging his relationship with my kids.

I have been able to say some small things but his behavior is unchanged. It is sad and hard to watch, but I have no control over and very little impact on his behavior.

In theory, therapy ought to be helpful, like going to a physician when you have bronchitis.

In reality too many shrinks are themselves crazy as loons. My armchair psychology observation is they go into therapy because they're trying to heal themselves.

The little girl in my DC's class who was a vicious bully, mean as a snake (now a young adult), a therapist. LOL.

Yes! Thank you for bringing this up, op. Both siblings have been to therapy and both are estranged from my mom and me. Both have very high standards for others and lower standards for them. They expect forgiveness for things they do but are very harsh against ANY thing you do or say even if your intentions were meant for good. For example, sending a gift to their child because you love them but they tell you that you are " love bombing"

My one sibling cut us off but my other sibling wants a fake relationship where she just tells us how wonderful life is but never wanting to discuss any problems to have a real relationship

It is very frustrating but I have had to let go because there is nothing I can do.

I think therapy is joke in most cases and I hate that it’s become so commonplace, particularly among teenagers. I read the article and that the concept of mutuality—thinking of both your own needs and those of others—even needed to be explained and prescribed is indicative of how self-centered we’ve become as a society.

I’ve been harmed by therapy. It’s a profession with a lot of quacks, no quality control, and no accountability. And if it goes wrong they always blame the patient.

Wow that is an interesting article. Definitely have noticed the accusatory calling others out of nowhere with younger coworkers. Definitely think too much therapy can be an issue. Two times a week seems very excessive and not sure what kind of therapist would indulge that and that may also be explanatory to some of your sister's decisions to isolate herself from her family.

Maybe she’s going to therapy so much because she sucks.

There have been several think pieces published recently about the rise of therapy speak, and one in particular has been making waves (published by Bustle, "Is Therapy Speak Making Us Selfish?"). I have benefited from therapy in the past, especially when I was going through a period of panic attacks, but have never been a regular therapy goer. Still, I've long believed that therapy is something we should all ideally do, and haven't really considered potential downsides.

However, this recent conversation about therapy speak and its potential to make us selfish, coupled with watching my own sister (who is an avid therapy goer, usually a minimum of two times a week) grow estranged from most of her family and most of her friends, often for reasons that seem minor when she explains them to me, has made me begin to wonder if therapy sometimes does more damage than good. Since I am one of the few people in my family who my sister wants to have a relationship with, I don't really want to broach this subject with her and risk minimizing her feelings and alienating her.

I guess I just want to talk about this with anyone who is interested, or who has similar experiences.