Anonymous
Post 04/11/2023 21:57     Subject: Adult Adoptees, preferably Baby Scoop babies, but others too...
My DH was adopted. early 70s. His older sister, also adopted and then a younger brother - unexpected birth child. So the adoptive mother who was mentally average couldn't cope with or fathom a highly intellectual child and ultimately failed him. He talks to her, sends her birthday / Mother's Day gifts.
Anonymous
Post 04/11/2023 20:33     Subject: Adult Adoptees, preferably Baby Scoop babies, but others too...
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:What is your relationship now with your adopted family, siblings, parents when they were alive or if they are still alive, and extended cousins, etc.?

As you are older now, how have you framed (or reframed, most likely) your life experience?


I was born in the early 80's and adopted. I'm still very close with my family (why wouldn't I be?). I don't understand your second question.


OP here. I wasn't the eye roll poster.
What I was referring to is the broad coverage and community that has developed in the last decade basically uncovering the social paradigm around adoption- that it was for the best, that it was for everyone's own good, that mothers couldn't care for their children, that adoptees were "chosen," when, in fact, it was an entire sociological swath of patriarchal , societal and religious baby trafficking. Unwed mothers, young or old, couldn't keep their babies due to societal norms, young mothers were kept in maternity homes, often medicated, and forced to give up children, private adoptions were for cash, overseas and domestic adoptions lined the pockets of doctors and lawyers, and the overarching theme of white middle class married couples "winning" babies. Additionally, adopted children lost all rights and information to their identity, who their parents were, and their genetic and medical history, with no recourse.
All the adults had the rights, but the children were stripped of rights.Children in transracial adoptions were whitewashed to fit it, without the embracing of their culture. The adoption community calls it "coming out of the fog." Besides a lot of recent community development over this, there's been a lot of writing, including a recent article published this week:


https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2023/04/10/living-in-adoptions-emotional-aftermath
Also-
Adoption Used to Be Hush-Hush. This Book Amplifies the Human Toll. https://nyti.ms/2Y5DD0s


It was clear you were trying to start drama.


? This is actually a pretty academic discussion of a relevant topic getting a lot of press recently. (Colin Kaepernick's comment, for example, a New Yorker article) There's literally no drama here.
Anonymous
Post 04/11/2023 20:32     Subject: Adult Adoptees, preferably Baby Scoop babies, but others too...
I am an adoptive parent who adopted a decade ago.
Over the years I have met adult adoptees and I have found it is almost evenly split on those who feel there are no issues and those who feel there are.

I think conversations about adoption have evolved for the better in our society. My hope is the trend continues.

As an adoptive parent, I believe that adoption does involve trauma and that individuals deal with it in individual ways and there isn’t really any way to know how a child might feel when they are grown. I think the best thing we can do is listen to adult adoptees and accept and believe their feelings regarding their adoption experience - negative or positive.
Anonymous
Post 04/11/2023 20:30     Subject: Re:Adult Adoptees, preferably Baby Scoop babies, but others too...
I was never depressed or suicidal, baby scoop baby here, but it has been a journey in realizing the truth behind everything that became my life, especially because it was a complicated ethnic situation in which I never fit in- and it's only now that I realize that it was a lot of rhetoric and lies, secrets, etc., about so much. I was never allowed to have my own identity , to seek it ( that would be ungrateful!) or be who I was or accepted for who I was.

I did love my parents, and on paper it definitely was basic baby buying and the whole 9 yards of poor messaging, but I've come to accept that this is the way society operated at the time. They truly believed they were doing the right thing.
Anonymous
Post 04/11/2023 20:20     Subject: Adult Adoptees, preferably Baby Scoop babies, but others too...
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:What is your relationship now with your adopted family, siblings, parents when they were alive or if they are still alive, and extended cousins, etc.?

As you are older now, how have you framed (or reframed, most likely) your life experience?


I was born in the early 80's and adopted. I'm still very close with my family (why wouldn't I be?). I don't understand your second question.


OP here. I wasn't the eye roll poster.
What I was referring to is the broad coverage and community that has developed in the last decade basically uncovering the social paradigm around adoption- that it was for the best, that it was for everyone's own good, that mothers couldn't care for their children, that adoptees were "chosen," when, in fact, it was an entire sociological swath of patriarchal , societal and religious baby trafficking. Unwed mothers, young or old, couldn't keep their babies due to societal norms, young mothers were kept in maternity homes, often medicated, and forced to give up children, private adoptions were for cash, overseas and domestic adoptions lined the pockets of doctors and lawyers, and the overarching theme of white middle class married couples "winning" babies. Additionally, adopted children lost all rights and information to their identity, who their parents were, and their genetic and medical history, with no recourse.
All the adults had the rights, but the children were stripped of rights.Children in transracial adoptions were whitewashed to fit it, without the embracing of their culture. The adoption community calls it "coming out of the fog." Besides a lot of recent community development over this, there's been a lot of writing, including a recent article published this week:


https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2023/04/10/living-in-adoptions-emotional-aftermath
Also-
Adoption Used to Be Hush-Hush. This Book Amplifies the Human Toll. https://nyti.ms/2Y5DD0s


It was clear you were trying to start drama.


Zero intent to start drama of any kind. What on earth are you talking about?
Anonymous
Post 04/11/2023 20:18     Subject: Adult Adoptees, preferably Baby Scoop babies, but others too...
A couple of my friends were a "baby scoop" adoptee.

While one cared about her adopted parents, she wasn't that upset when they died and was incredibly happy to find her birth mom, who she had an enormous amount in common with. She was born in the late 60s, when it would have been difficult to be a single mom.

Another was the only child of a wealthier couple, but she started experiencing mental health issues around 13-14 and would try to have sex with anyone and also threaten suicide. Her parents pulled her out of the private school.

We all went to the same private school.
Anonymous
Post 04/11/2023 20:14     Subject: Adult Adoptees, preferably Baby Scoop babies, but others too...
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:What is your relationship now with your adopted family, siblings, parents when they were alive or if they are still alive, and extended cousins, etc.?

As you are older now, how have you framed (or reframed, most likely) your life experience?


I was born in the early 80's and adopted. I'm still very close with my family (why wouldn't I be?). I don't understand your second question.


OP here. I wasn't the eye roll poster.
What I was referring to is the broad coverage and community that has developed in the last decade basically uncovering the social paradigm around adoption- that it was for the best, that it was for everyone's own good, that mothers couldn't care for their children, that adoptees were "chosen," when, in fact, it was an entire sociological swath of patriarchal , societal and religious baby trafficking. Unwed mothers, young or old, couldn't keep their babies due to societal norms, young mothers were kept in maternity homes, often medicated, and forced to give up children, private adoptions were for cash, overseas and domestic adoptions lined the pockets of doctors and lawyers, and the overarching theme of white middle class married couples "winning" babies. Additionally, adopted children lost all rights and information to their identity, who their parents were, and their genetic and medical history, with no recourse.
All the adults had the rights, but the children were stripped of rights.Children in transracial adoptions were whitewashed to fit it, without the embracing of their culture. The adoption community calls it "coming out of the fog." Besides a lot of recent community development over this, there's been a lot of writing, including a recent article published this week:


https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2023/04/10/living-in-adoptions-emotional-aftermath
Also-
Adoption Used to Be Hush-Hush. This Book Amplifies the Human Toll. https://nyti.ms/2Y5DD0s


It was clear you were trying to start drama.
Anonymous
Post 04/11/2023 20:13     Subject: Adult Adoptees, preferably Baby Scoop babies, but others too...
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:What is your relationship now with your adopted family, siblings, parents when they were alive or if they are still alive, and extended cousins, etc.?

As you are older now, how have you framed (or reframed, most likely) your life experience?


I was born in the early 80's and adopted. I'm still very close with my family (why wouldn't I be?). I don't understand your second question.




What with the eyeroll? Completely unhelpful. Use your words.


A lot of adult adoptees have trauma. I am surprised you’re not aware of that. High suicide rates, too.
Anonymous
Post 04/11/2023 20:12     Subject: Adult Adoptees, preferably Baby Scoop babies, but others too...
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:What is your relationship now with your adopted family, siblings, parents when they were alive or if they are still alive, and extended cousins, etc.?

As you are older now, how have you framed (or reframed, most likely) your life experience?


I was born in the early 80's and adopted. I'm still very close with my family (why wouldn't I be?). I don't understand your second question.


OP here. I wasn't the eye roll poster.
What I was referring to is the broad coverage and community that has developed in the last decade basically uncovering the social paradigm around adoption- that it was for the best, that it was for everyone's own good, that mothers couldn't care for their children, that adoptees were "chosen," when, in fact, it was an entire sociological swath of patriarchal , societal and religious baby trafficking. Unwed mothers, young or old, couldn't keep their babies due to societal norms, young mothers were kept in maternity homes, often medicated, and forced to give up children, private adoptions were for cash, overseas and domestic adoptions lined the pockets of doctors and lawyers, and the overarching theme of white middle class married couples "winning" babies. Additionally, adopted children lost all rights and information to their identity, who their parents were, and their genetic and medical history, with no recourse.
All the adults had the rights, but the children were stripped of rights.Children in transracial adoptions were whitewashed to fit it, without the embracing of their culture. The adoption community calls it "coming out of the fog." Besides a lot of recent community development over this, there's been a lot of writing, including a recent article published this week:


https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2023/04/10/living-in-adoptions-emotional-aftermath
Also-
Adoption Used to Be Hush-Hush. This Book Amplifies the Human Toll. https://nyti.ms/2Y5DD0s
Anonymous
Post 04/11/2023 17:41     Subject: Adult Adoptees, preferably Baby Scoop babies, but others too...
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:What is your relationship now with your adopted family, siblings, parents when they were alive or if they are still alive, and extended cousins, etc.?

As you are older now, how have you framed (or reframed, most likely) your life experience?


I was born in the early 80's and adopted. I'm still very close with my family (why wouldn't I be?). I don't understand your second question.




What with the eyeroll? Completely unhelpful. Use your words.
Anonymous
Post 04/11/2023 17:16     Subject: Re:Adult Adoptees, preferably Baby Scoop babies, but others too...
Adult adoptee from that era. Both my adoptive parents are deceased, no siblings. My relationship with them was always my relationship with them-- no framing or reframing necessary. They were my parents; that was my family of origin. Mostly good, positive memories and experience with some negative parenting that was just part of that era of parenting and had nothing to do with adoption.

I never spoke to my mother about her experience as an adoptive mom in that era really- she was too ashamed of infertility. As a young person, I didn't understand and just never talked about it. As an adult, I find it sad and wish she could have had better
Anonymous
Post 04/11/2023 14:04     Subject: Adult Adoptees, preferably Baby Scoop babies, but others too...
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:What is your relationship now with your adopted family, siblings, parents when they were alive or if they are still alive, and extended cousins, etc.?

As you are older now, how have you framed (or reframed, most likely) your life experience?


I was born in the early 80's and adopted. I'm still very close with my family (why wouldn't I be?). I don't understand your second question.


Anonymous
Post 04/11/2023 14:03     Subject: Adult Adoptees, preferably Baby Scoop babies, but others too...
Anonymous wrote:What is your relationship now with your adopted family, siblings, parents when they were alive or if they are still alive, and extended cousins, etc.?

As you are older now, how have you framed (or reframed, most likely) your life experience?


I was born in the early 80's and adopted. I'm still very close with my family (why wouldn't I be?). I don't understand your second question.
Anonymous
Post 04/11/2023 13:59     Subject: Adult Adoptees, preferably Baby Scoop babies, but others too...
Adopted adult here. Still close with my adopted family, but both my adoptive parents passed away.

My birth mother is horrifically mentally ill. Not in a violent way, but in a way that she needs some supervision, cannot hold a job. She lives in a group home for mentally ill.

As an adult, and now mom, I feel more empathy for what she went through. I had an open adoption and knew her as a child, I always felt uncomfortable around her. Now I think about her losing her babies (four of us were put up for adoption) due to a horrific mental illness and I just feel so sad for her. I'm not close to her, but I still talk to her from time to time as I'm the only connection she has to the children she lost.
Anonymous
Post 04/10/2023 21:48     Subject: Adult Adoptees, preferably Baby Scoop babies, but others too...
What is your relationship now with your adopted family, siblings, parents when they were alive or if they are still alive, and extended cousins, etc.?

As you are older now, how have you framed (or reframed, most likely) your life experience?