Anonymous
Post 04/09/2023 17:19     Subject: We had to move my mom in with us and it may wreck my marriage - advice needed
Anonymous wrote:Would it help if you asked her to pay rent to get a hold of her shopping habit? You could put the money aside and use it for when she needs nursing home care. The main goal is to avoid the money going to Amazon and qvc and avoid overloading your home with cheap crap.


Where does OP say her mother has a shopping habit?
Anonymous
Post 04/09/2023 16:43     Subject: Re:We had to move my mom in with us and it may wreck my marriage - advice needed
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It’s difficult to offer advice when you don’t share key details.

—How is she putting a strain on your marriage? She’s shops a lot, but buys cheap things that break. She hoards and has stuff everywhere. She’s constantly butting in on telling our kids to do things; she’s passive aggressive: she will do the dishes and announce how “it’s too bad the kids won’t put their dishes away so I will have to do them”
—How much space do you have in your home? She has her own bedroom on the main floor and and office area but shared kitchen with us.
—What is her health and age? Late 70s; not amazing health but can care for herself
—What is your financial situation?
two income family but we don’t have a ton of extra money but could probably put out $300-$500 per month to help


Op here - the $300-$500 would mean we are taking from our kids’ college tuition or my retirement fund


Divorce would be more expensive than that.
Anonymous
Post 04/09/2023 16:06     Subject: Re:We had to move my mom in with us and it may wreck my marriage - advice needed
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It’s difficult to offer advice when you don’t share key details.

—How is she putting a strain on your marriage? She’s shops a lot, but buys cheap things that break. She hoards and has stuff everywhere. She’s constantly butting in on telling our kids to do things; she’s passive aggressive: she will do the dishes and announce how “it’s too bad the kids won’t put their dishes away so I will have to do them”
—How much space do you have in your home? She has her own bedroom on the main floor and and office area but shared kitchen with us.
—What is her health and age? Late 70s; not amazing health but can care for herself
—What is your financial situation?
two income family but we don’t have a ton of extra money but could probably put out $300-$500 per month to help


Op here - the $300-$500 would mean we are taking from our kids’ college tuition or my retirement fund


OP you have to let us know her income and where you live in order for people to help.
Anonymous
Post 04/09/2023 15:47     Subject: Re:We had to move my mom in with us and it may wreck my marriage - advice needed
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It’s difficult to offer advice when you don’t share key details.

—How is she putting a strain on your marriage? She’s shops a lot, but buys cheap things that break. She hoards and has stuff everywhere. She’s constantly butting in on telling our kids to do things; she’s passive aggressive: she will do the dishes and announce how “it’s too bad the kids won’t put their dishes away so I will have to do them”
—How much space do you have in your home? She has her own bedroom on the main floor and and office area but shared kitchen with us.
—What is her health and age? Late 70s; not amazing health but can care for herself
—What is your financial situation?
two income family but we don’t have a ton of extra money but could probably put out $300-$500 per month to help


Op here - the $300-$500 would mean we are taking from our kids’ college tuition or my retirement fund
Anonymous
Post 04/09/2023 15:32     Subject: We had to move my mom in with us and it may wreck my marriage - advice needed
Anonymous wrote:Would it help if you asked her to pay rent to get a hold of her shopping habit? You could put the money aside and use it for when she needs nursing home care. The main goal is to avoid the money going to Amazon and qvc and avoid overloading your home with cheap crap.


This. You have to get control of the money to stop the buying and hoarding.
The passive aggressive comments have to stop. Speak to her directly about it. “Stop interfering.” “Your comment is rude. Either stop or we will find a different place for you to live.” My guess is that you haven’t gone nuclear on her because she’ll respond with crying and pouting. Be okay with that.
As another poster said, you could look at a studio apartment.
Anonymous
Post 04/09/2023 15:26     Subject: We had to move my mom in with us and it may wreck my marriage - advice needed
Would it help if you asked her to pay rent to get a hold of her shopping habit? You could put the money aside and use it for when she needs nursing home care. The main goal is to avoid the money going to Amazon and qvc and avoid overloading your home with cheap crap.
Anonymous
Post 04/09/2023 15:25     Subject: We had to move my mom in with us and it may wreck my marriage - advice needed
With $60k plus social security she can probably afford at least a few years in a studio apartment. That seems preferable and then figure out where to go from there. Also make sure she is signed up for any assistance she would qualify for such as section 8, subsidized housing, and food stamps.
Anonymous
Post 04/09/2023 15:21     Subject: Re:We had to move my mom in with us and it may wreck my marriage - advice needed
Anonymous wrote:It’s difficult to offer advice when you don’t share key details.

—How is she putting a strain on your marriage? She’s shops a lot, but buys cheap things that break. She hoards and has stuff everywhere. She’s constantly butting in on telling our kids to do things; she’s passive aggressive: she will do the dishes and announce how “it’s too bad the kids won’t put their dishes away so I will have to do them”
—How much space do you have in your home? She has her own bedroom on the main floor and and office area but shared kitchen with us.
—What is her health and age? Late 70s; not amazing health but can care for herself
—What is your financial situation?
two income family but we don’t have a ton of extra money but could probably put out $300-$500 per month to help
Anonymous
Post 04/09/2023 15:02     Subject: We had to move my mom in with us and it may wreck my marriage - advice needed
Find low income senior housing.
Anonymous
Post 04/09/2023 15:01     Subject: Re:We had to move my mom in with us and it may wreck my marriage - advice needed
It’s difficult to offer advice when you don’t share key details.

—How is she putting a strain on your marriage?
—How much space do you have in your home?
—What is her health and age?
—What is your financial situation?
Anonymous
Post 04/09/2023 14:58     Subject: We had to move my mom in with us and it may wreck my marriage - advice needed
Again with this?

It’s never a good idea to do this, OP, there are tons of threads on the subject.

Put her on the list for a Medicare home.

Anonymous
Post 04/09/2023 14:58     Subject: We had to move my mom in with us and it may wreck my marriage - advice needed
How much does she get in SS? How old is she? Could she afford a small apartment somewhere?
Anonymous
Post 04/09/2023 14:58     Subject: We had to move my mom in with us and it may wreck my marriage - advice needed
How much is her SS? Find a senior subsidized apartment for her.
Anonymous
Post 04/09/2023 14:57     Subject: We had to move my mom in with us and it may wreck my marriage - advice needed
What is she doing that is causing the strain on the marriage?
Anonymous
Post 04/09/2023 14:56     Subject: We had to move my mom in with us and it may wreck my marriage - advice needed
My mom didn’t save anything for retirement. We had to move her in with us. She literally has $60k to her name plus social security. Her living with us has put a terrible strain on my marriage. Please - advice and ideas on what to do??