20 years into it she decided she was in love with her supervisor at work. Today, four years after the divorce, she spends all day surfing the web and passed out drunk on her couch. Not what I would have predicted when we first met, but it is what it is.

20 years. It’s been a breeze the whole time. When people say marriage is hard, I just can’t relate. Sex is not as frequent but it’s still so amazing we often remark how surprised we are it’s still like that after all these years.

15 years later and still feel like I married my soul mate. Dh and I are both easy going and respectful of each other, and I think that has helped us avoid most of the marriage problems I see on this board or in real life.

28 years together, love at first sight. Some minor ups and downs until 2021 when some drift and an emotional affair. Hard time for about a year but things are looking good again and we’re gonna be fine.

Anonymous wrote:If you had a passionate relationship complete with shared values, a solid friendship and strong sexual compatibility…. How are you doing 10,20,30 years later?

31 years later, still attracted, still very affectionate and still in love with each other. Our shared history and children add another level of closeness. He is my best friend and I am his.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He had a midlife crisis and an affair at year 18. Never saw that coming.

Barely made it through. Married 25 years. Things are good now.

Glad you made it through!

So far

As happy as ever 20 years later.

I think the key though is to maintain your sense of self. Your spouse can be your best friend but shouldn’t and can’t be your everything. Have your circle of buddies or girlfriends, your own hobbies.

And yes, maintaining your sense of humor is everything! You have to be able to laugh together. For us, it’s the years of multiple teenagers and if you can’t share some beers together and try to laugh your way through that chaos, you’ll crumble lol.

Anonymous wrote:
31 years later. Stronger than ever since our DC has been at college and we've both been working from home; we get along very well and are looking forward to retirement together.

But OP, the term "soulmate" is...unrealistic. It sets up an idea of starry-eyed perfection. The shared values matter the most, as a foundation for how both people will act and react if things get tough.

OP here, you’re right, that’s why I broke it down into values, friendship, and passion, and I don’t think one is necessary more important than the other two.

Mental health issues

Divorced

Forced him to get therapy he’s back to being a good person and good father but not a good H.

Anonymous wrote:He had a midlife crisis and an affair at year 18. Never saw that coming.

Barely made it through. Married 25 years. Things are good now.

Glad you made it through!

He had a midlife crisis and an affair at year 18. Never saw that coming.

Barely made it through. Married 25 years. Things are good now.

15 years later. Our relationship is strong but not at a high point right now. We have young children, including one who may be heading toward an ND diagnosis. Right now our similar senses of humor are what's saving us and our marriage.

Anonymous wrote:
31 years later. Stronger than ever since our DC has been at college and we've both been working from home; we get along very well and are looking forward to retirement together.

But OP, the term "soulmate" is...unrealistic. It sets up an idea of starry-eyed perfection. The shared values matter the most, as a foundation for how both people will act and react if things get tough.

Not OP but this is very encouraging to hear. Wishing you both many more happy years together.

31 years later. Stronger than ever since our DC has been at college and we've both been working from home; we get along very well and are looking forward to retirement together.

But OP, the term "soulmate" is...unrealistic. It sets up an idea of starry-eyed perfection. The shared values matter the most, as a foundation for how both people will act and react if things get tough.

If you had a passionate relationship complete with shared values, a solid friendship and strong sexual compatibility…. How are you doing 10,20,30 years later?