I would trust my intuition and not allow DD to go back while simultaneously not making judgments since I wouldn’t actually know what was going on.

The time I felt a huge sense of discomfort leaving my child at her preschool friend's house, my intuition turned out to be correct, although I didn't learn details until many years later. Trust your intuition.

We live in a small apartment in a safe but not so posh neighborhood. I would only be happy if you preferred my kid hang out at your place.
Don’t overthink it, just have your DD invite her friend over or take them out

Anonymous wrote:My very first thought

long ago I had a friend that said she only let her daughter go to rich people's houses because rich people aren't pedophiles.

Be honest. Just say you are uncomfortable with your daughter going to someone's house. I personally never let my children go to other people's houses. I know what goes on in my house. I don't know what goes on at anyone else's house.

Ummm, well, you were given wrong “information” by your friend. Good grief.

This is exactly why we don’t invite any school friends over. The judgement. We are considered the poor neighborhood at our extremely high SES Elem school. It’s sad.

Listen, I’m not wealthy and I’ve lived in rougher neighborhoods, I wouldn’t let her go back. Maybe you’re a snob who hates poor people and that wouldn’t be cool but I would err on the side of caution and trust your intuition here

Your DD is 12. Talk to her about their day together. What did they do, watch, eat while she was there? Were siblings or a creepy uncle hanging at the house? Did mom check on them periodically? Does your DD have a phone to call you? Do you have a plan/secret word or story if she isn’t comfortable? Your sense of doom and need to flee need to be backed up.

I’m torn here - I’m a big believer in intuition, but it’s also hard not to suspect snobbery based on your comments.

What do you know about the family - dad, older brother? Have the girl over to your house a few times and chat her up about her family situation.

What do you know about who else lives at the house?

Read The Gift of Fear. Your intuition is there for a reason; respect it

Anonymous wrote:What was so ominous or “off” about the house/neighborhood?

Like I said, it’s hard to explain. I just sensed doom. I actually told DH I wasn’t comfortable going over there alone again. I can’t say what it was exactly. Just a feeling.

So you just don’t want your daughter hanging out in the poor neighborhood or was there something off about that specific house or living situation?

My very first thought

long ago I had a friend that said she only let her daughter go to rich people's houses because rich people aren't pedophiles.

Be honest. Just say you are uncomfortable with your daughter going to someone's house. I personally never let my children go to other people's houses. I know what goes on in my house. I don't know what goes on at anyone else's house.

What was so ominous or “off” about the house/neighborhood?

DD12 has been getting close with a classmate this year, and they hung out for the first time this weekend. The mom picked up from our house and took them out for the afternoon with the plan of us picking up DD from their house later. Everything seemed copacetic at pickup. The mom seemed really nice. The girl is a sweetheart; I’ve interacted with her in passing on one or more of their FaceTimes.

Later at pickup, I got weird really vibes. Not the best neighborhood but I gave them the benefit of the doubt. I can’t explain it, but my intuition senses something off and I just felt the need to flee. I’ve never experienced anything like it before. Without prompt, DD later told me that the friend told her she never has friends over and DD was the first school friend to ever come over.

I would love to have the girl over our house, but I’m not comfortable with DD going over there again. How do we handle this in the event she’s invited over? Is there a tactful way to respond? I have no problem picking the girl up, or the mom taking the girls out like she did, but I don’t feel comfortable with DD going back to their house. Thoughts?