Anonymous wrote:Get your name jointly on his regular banking accounts. Create online access to them and have immediate access to a blank checkbook in case he’s ever incapacitated and you need to write out bills to maintain his finances short term.

Terrible advice

Make a filing cabinet where he can place his bills each month, review and clean out each time you visit. Keep at least one copy of all his monthly bills with account numbers and typical monthly payment in your possession in case you have to write a check/online bill pay something quickly for him.

Get your name jointly on his regular banking accounts. Create online access to them and have immediate access to a blank checkbook in case he’s ever incapacitated and you need to write out bills to maintain his finances short term.

Op, you're getting great advice. Just a small nonlegal comment. Re: end of life decisions, when the time comes: in my experience the hospital is filled with reasonable people who will be suggesting reasonable course of actions. Worry is if you have any extreme outliner relative (hopefully not a sibling or someone with any power) who causes drama. Most families do not have this person. The hospital and staff are there to help -- with forms, to carry out family wishes. They are not your adversary.

Many states have a state short form power of attorney and medical proxy that are designed to help people who cannot afford to hire an attorney. You should use the one from the state where he lives and he needs to execute it in that state (so don’t get an Illinois Short Form Power of Attorney and execute it in front of a notary in VA). These short form POAs typically have check boxes covering different areas of the persons finances so you have a certain ability to customize, but don’t try crossing stuff out or adding stuff. If you have a clean, properly executed short form POA the bank and other institutions are required to accept it. If a lawyer drafts their own bespoke POA or you fiddle with the short form , then an attorney at the bank has to review it and they may or may not approve it (and even if they do approve it, this process takes more time and will delay whatever action you are trying to take).

You should get this done now and submit to the bank etc now to make sure they accept it and give you time to cure any defects while your father is still of sound mind.

Signed,
Someone who used to review POAs for a living

Also, when dealing with the VA get everything in writing, always write down who you talked to and when and what it was about, follow up in writing whenever possible (can do that via myhealthyvet).

You need an attorney for finances and they can certainly help with MPOA as well but that’s easier to do on your own. For the VA you’d need to send a medical power of attorney to have on file at the hospital location he uses most often. You will also want to know his wishes regarding any medical interventions and get a signed DNR on file with VA and also put a copy on his refrigerator for EMT- if that is where he’s at in life. Might be a good idea to keep MPOA with the DNR at his house just in case a medical team needs your info. Put in a folder marked medical information in big letters on the fridge or somewhere they’d see it.

Depending on his percentage level of disability and physical ailments he might also be eligible for home based care services now or in the future (majority of care done in home includingPCP, nurse, social worker, PT, nutritionist, pharmacist, etc with exception for testing beyond blood draws) or nursing home on site. I’d ask about those with his doctor. If you anticipate needing additional care than he’s currently eligible for then I’d start applying for additional disability with VA now, that process can take forever. Just know you’ll probably be denied first and have to fight for additional %. The system is broken but it works if you persevere.

You should also have him locate a copy of his birth certificate now and know where he keeps it. It’s also good to know his military history and have his DD 214 with his birth certificate for future funeral services. You can also get access to his online medical records to communicate with the VA via myhealthyvet if necessary- he would need to give you consent. Make sure his current doctors have you listed as point of contact and that he lists you as someone they can call. He needs to sign consent forms for that.

I would schedule to go to a future PCP doctors visit and discuss these things. I’d first reach out to the patient advocates at his local VA to help you with collecting forms and they can answer questions about home health, nursing homes, percentage disability, etc. so you’re prepared when speaking with the doctor and your father.

Forms? Get an attorney in his sate to draw them up

These are not complicated but I’d have him go to an attorney in his area to prepare the forms so you are sure there isn’t anything being overlooked with respect to state specific estate laws and so that he has them properly witnessed, notarized , whatever.

He's 75 and lives across the country. He's sharp but has always been a procrastinator. He said if I rounded up some forms, he would fill them out.

My main concern is being able to make medical decisions for him if he's incapacitated and knowing what he would want, followed by being able to deal with insurance coverage and any veterans benefits he's entitled to and being able to make financial decisions for him, like being able to sell his house to pay for a nursing home.

Is there a website or book that has the forms he would need?

What copies of papers should I have? Military discharge form? Insurance card?

The will should be pretty easy because he just wants to split everything between his 3 kids.