Keep paying for the Assisted Living place for a few months, like at least 3, even if brother takes Dad to live with him. That may not go well. I doubt it will. I'd say there's also the chance your brother is talking BIG and won't act. Some people want to be the good son/daughter and get credit for it - before it happens/or it never happens.

As an adult child whose Dad is starting to leave the stove on, walk out the door to 'get the bus to school' and falls and is incontinent...this agency the brother is looking for does NOT exist!

I'm trying to get my dad INTO assisted living! OP, don't let him do this-it will be a disaster for brother and dad.

Anonymous wrote:With sincerity, a reputable company has figured this out, and to scale. Assisted living facilities.

This is one of the biggest lies out there about aging in US. ASL are poorly regulated and must are for-profit business. You better do your research before you send a loved one there. The most common problems are they are understaffed and many of the staff are inexperienced.

It is much, much easier to have them in AL. Most people who have them age in place or age at home find this out the hard way and transfer them once burnout and exasperation are extreme.

If there is an issue at the AL he should visit it and see for himself. Hire a professional to go in an assess as well. Might just be a need to for a team meeting and some negotiations with an aging professional doing the advocating.

If he needs a new facility an aging professional can help you find a match. Your brother is delusional if he thinks he can manage this especially because things just keep getting worse, not better as they decline. Plenty of well meaning adult children end up keeping their parents in inhumane situations rotting in front of a TV and their son's house because they somehow think that is better or perhaps cheaper than working with a facility to ensure good care.

Now sometimes the facility will say either you hire an aide or your parent needs a higher level of care facility. If that is the case, you do it. You don't try to save money moving them out thinking you can just hire care at home and save costs. Not the same.

Is there a problem with that facility? A problem with the cost? Does your father want to live with your brother? What are the reasons for the change?

We went through several awful caretakers for my grandparents (including one who stole all my grandmother’s jewelry and silver and another who gave her laxatives so the night nurse would have troubles) before finding someone great- and this was from a “reputable” placement company. Even if you find someone great, they will need time off that someone will have to cover.

It sounds like your brother has a lot going on. Does he really have the capacity to manage all of this?

I think there is a service that does this. Look up geriatric care coordinator, and they can do an evaluation and help set up services.

Anonymous wrote:With sincerity, a reputable company has figured this out, and to scale. Assisted living facilities.

We have had the most miserable experience with assisted living for an older relative. I wish they had it figured out, but they don't.

With sincerity, a reputable company has figured this out, and to scale. Assisted living facilities.

Anonymous wrote:If your brother can’t figure this out, how is he going to handle even having him there? This is the top of the iceberg of problems.

Exactly this. Sounds like an idea without any thoughts about how it would work. If it’s about your brother trying to save money it’s a bad idea. It’s a bad idea regardless unless your father is being abused where is currently is.

You can check out paratransit services. Also there are companies that provide transportation to medical appointments - Google medical transit for the area. But this sounds like a terrible idea.

If your brother can’t figure this out, how is he going to handle even having him there? This is the top of the iceberg of problems.

This is a bad idea. Sounds like poorly planned.

I can't imagine that this could be pulled off well. Why does your brother want to pull him out of assisted living? Are there problems with that too?

My brother wants to pull our elderly father out of assisted living and have our father live with him. My brother works a full time job (that can not be done from home) owns a company (some of which can not be done from home) and has 50% custody of his children (elementary school age.) HIs kids are very active in a sport that takes them out of town for at least one full weekend day per week (5 am-9 pm time frame.)

My Dad requires medical appointments a few times a week. He also has had his bladder removed so he has a bag that needs to be emptied several times per day. My brother also mentioned he would not want my dad to use the stove, oven or microwave, so on the days my brother is out of the house-especially the all day sport days, my dad would need someone to cook his meals.

It's important that this service is provided by a "reputable company" (his words) because my dad has already been taken advantage of by a small company/individual that was incredibly shady.

In general do home care agencies have employees that are willing to drive to appointments? In their own car, or one provided by the family/elderly person?

This is not in the DC area, but in a similarly high cost of living area.

Thanks.