If she doesn't regularly take off and really flexible, you should not have asked for a doctors note or say, I'm sorry that you aren't feeling well, would you like us to pay the co-pay and ask for a receipt? If she constantly took off, yes, it's ok to ask for a note, but this isn't the situation.

Fix it by offering a pay raise, apologizing and asking if there is anything you can do to fix the situation.

Just out of curiosity, why are you regretting the Nanny share in general since it seemed to work well until you created the mess you’re both in now?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Welp, you made your bed, now lie in it. I don’t blame the nanny at all. If she’s not one to frequently call out sick, you should have let it be. You seem incredibly awkward at almost all types of relationship, to be honest. I’m amazed you’re married.

These comments are always so ridiculous and unhelpful to the conversation at hand.

People can’t help but be mean. I have no idea why anyone comes here for support because they won’t ever find it.

Anonymous wrote:Welp, you made your bed, now lie in it. I don’t blame the nanny at all. If she’s not one to frequently call out sick, you should have let it be. You seem incredibly awkward at almost all types of relationship, to be honest. I’m amazed you’re married.

These comments are always so ridiculous and unhelpful to the conversation at hand.

Anonymous wrote:Befriend is a transitive verb. You need an object in your third sentence.

Can’t figure it out with context clues?

I’m sorry. I don’t see any way to resurrect the friendship. To ask the nanny for a doctors note says something about you and what it says is t something a lot of people like.

Anonymous wrote:I think you are definitely in the wrong here. Was there anything in the nanny contract about requiring a doctors note? Did you tell the other family before you asked her to bring one in? If I were you, I would have immediately groveled to the nanny (and the other family) about how you were so out of line and you feel terrible and you didn’t mean any offense etc. You made a major misstep and don’t seem to care about apologizing. I have never been asked for a doctor’s note in my life and would be pretty angry if someone that trusted me with their kids had to gall to ask for one.

I did apologize but I think she had her mind set. And I truly didn’t think it was a big deal, so I didn’t think to ask her. I obviously regret it all now. Not just asking for the doctors note but for the nanny share in general.

Did you discuss the note request with your friend? If you didn’t and you just did it on your own she has every right to be pissed.

Befriend is a transitive verb. You need an object in your third sentence.

There is more to this than that op, both in terms of the nanny share and the friendship. I guess the nanny share just strained your friendship, not just cause you asked for Dr note and nanny quit.

It seems things were not so great and you may have not been noticing. If your nanny was completely happy, she wouldn’t have quit over a doctor’s note. Your friend is not over reacting because of a doctor’s note. It is possible the friend and nanny thought some of the way you did things over the 9 months were not great.

It could be cultural differences, but it’s more likely that the doctor’s note was the final straw for your nanny (and friend) rather than just one thing that happened.

Welp, you made your bed, now lie in it. I don’t blame the nanny at all. If she’s not one to frequently call out sick, you should have let it be. You seem incredibly awkward at almost all types of relationship, to be honest. I’m amazed you’re married.

I think you are definitely in the wrong here. Was there anything in the nanny contract about requiring a doctors note? Did you tell the other family before you asked her to bring one in? If I were you, I would have immediately groveled to the nanny (and the other family) about how you were so out of line and you feel terrible and you didn’t mean any offense etc. You made a major misstep and don’t seem to care about apologizing. I have never been asked for a doctor’s note in my life and would be pretty angry if someone that trusted me with their kids had to gall to ask for one.

And, if your business is doing that well, stop being stingy and pay your nanny better.

For three days of illness and they regularly don't ask off it's absurd. Did you pay for the doctors appointment?

I am a DC native but moved across the country in 2017 to own a business with DH. We both had a really hard making friends due to some cultural differences in this part of the country. I befriended at my gym in late 2019 right before the pandemic. We created our own little pod with her and her husband and became very close. We also both got pregnant with our first within weeks of one another and both gave birth in summer 2021 within days of one another. We both stayed home for the first year and spent tons of time together and when we decided to go back to work realized that childcare was going to be a major issue. There’s a shortage of childcare options here. We couldn’t find a single decent daycare with an opening and my schedule didn’t really work well with a daycare center. I had a few babysitters and they just never worked out. Mostly college age kids who couldn’t commit. We decided to try a nanny share and posted an ad on our local Facebook childcare page and we ended up getting a response, did interviews and it was a great fit. Experienced and educated nanny, very flexible with our schedule and does a great job with two 1-year-olds. She’s been with us for about 9 months and it’s gone really well.

Here’s the issue; nanny got sick with strep last a few weeks ago and ended up missing three days. We’ve (my husband and I) have been running a business for over 5 years. It’s standard that we request doctors notes when we have numerous call ins for illness. I have gotten much pushback, I implemented it originally because we had employees who would lie about illnesses to miss significant amounts of work. That’s what was in my mind when I emailed our nanny and asked for her to bring in her doctors note when she returned. I now know this is not usually how it works with nannies, so I don’t need the lecture. However, this seemed to greatly offend her and she came in on a Monday with a doctors note and a letter of resignation. She said if we can’t trust her to be honest about her illnesses and reason for calling in then she doesn’t think we can trust her with our child so she decided it’s time to move on. She’s gave us four weeks notice.

But, she also told our share family that they also had a four weeks notice. She apparently told my friend/share family that she thinks it wouldn’t work for her to just continue working for our friends and that she needs the hourly share wage and that the hourly wage they can offer her on their own isn’t enough and she didn’t seem interested in them trying to find a different share situation with another family. She claimed she thought this was best because she “didn’t want to make things awkward” between my friend and I but only working for one family. However, now we have one week left with nanny (yes it’s been very awkward) and neither of us have found childcare alternatives. We’re having my in-laws come in for a week or so to give us more time. Our friends do not have family that can assist and that’s created a lot of tension. I offered to have my in-laws help with their LO and they declined. They don’t seem interested in trying a share again and are more serious about looking into a daycare while we still prefer another babysitter. My friend has also been super distant and I know she’s angry with me and I understand the frustration but I don’t think we’re wholly at fault.

Going back I wouldn’t have requested the doctors note but I don’t think it’s a crazy thing to request for any employee. I feel like if the nanny was willing to quit over something so small we have been unknowingly walking on eggshells with her the entire time and didn’t know it. We know she can find a job much easier than we can find a nanny because there are so many families desperate for care. She definitely has always had the upper hand.

But now I just deeply regret the nanny share idea as a whole. 9 months of childcare is not worth 3.5 years or friendship. I’m just so sad.