Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The ceremony is for the living. You can’t be rude to a dead man. Go or don’t go according to your own convictions, but let your cousin grieve as needed.

+1

+2 go to support the living.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom & dad agreed on no service when he died and a bunch of people got together and did one anyway and invited my mom. She was piiiiiiissed.

Unless what your cousins are doing is going to bother your uncle's widow, they can do what they want. And you can attend or not, as you prefer.

Uncle was a widower - op.

Then the kids should do what they want to process their grief.

Anonymous wrote:I think it's an insult to his wishes/memory. I have told several people I want no ceremony or gathering and that going against my wish would be an insult. It's usually extroverts and type As ignoring requests of the deceased so they can gather and "process".

I agree.

Anonymous wrote:My mom & dad agreed on no service when he died and a bunch of people got together and did one anyway and invited my mom. She was piiiiiiissed.

Unless what your cousins are doing is going to bother your uncle's widow, they can do what they want. And you can attend or not, as you prefer.

Uncle was a widower - op.

Why don’t they just respect his wishes?

My mom & dad agreed on no service when he died and a bunch of people got together and did one anyway and invited my mom. She was piiiiiiissed.

Unless what your cousins are doing is going to bother your uncle's widow, they can do what they want. And you can attend or not, as you prefer.

Anonymous wrote:The ceremony is for the living. You can’t be rude to a dead man. Go or don’t go according to your own convictions, but let your cousin grieve as needed.

Correct.

I feel the same way. I want to be buried with no service. If my children and loved ones want to do something, it wouldn't offend me. I'm just a private person so the way I lived is the way I would want to die.

I think it's an insult to his wishes/memory. I have told several people I want no ceremony or gathering and that going against my wish would be an insult. It's usually extroverts and type As ignoring requests of the deceased so they can gather and "process".

Attend or don't, but there's no need to gossip on DCUM. What, if everyone agreed with you, you would have told your cousin that DCUM Said No and so they must legally cancel or face the firing squad? What is your deal?

It's rude not to have something if people need closure and want to get together to honor someone.

Anonymous wrote:The ceremony is for the living. You can’t be rude to a dead man. Go or don’t go according to your own convictions, but let your cousin grieve as needed.

+1

What's done after someone dies is done for those mourning. The person who died is dead and won't have any feelings about what's done. It's the people living who need to do whatever they need to do to cope. So, I don't think it's rude. Maybe it's rude of the cousin's dad to have not considered those who'd miss him.

The ceremony is for the living. You can’t be rude to a dead man. Go or don’t go according to your own convictions, but let your cousin grieve as needed.

My cousin's dad died. He wanted to be cremated and no ceremony or anything. Cousins are doing a celebration of life anyways. Thoughts? Is it rude to go against his wishes?