Anonymous
03/07/2023 13:56
Subject: Frustrated with my 21 year old today
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:He's generally pretty good, but lately... Holy crap.
Background
He's in University full time and works part time. His education is covered by RESPs. He works to pay for his vehicle, phone, and other personal expenses. Our agreement is that as long as the kids are in school, they live here rent free. Ds is stable and consistent. Same part time job for 6 years, and the same girlfriend for almost as long.
Lately he has been downright surly. If I ask him anything I get a short, impatient response. If I tell him anything I get "mmmhmm ". This morning it was about an app I use. He thinks it's "shady" and would never trust it. That went on for a few minutes, how he'll wait to be forced to use it and on and on.
Later I asked him about needing new shoes for work in a while. He said "It doesn't matter I can't afford it." I said "ok well if you NEED them, let me know." I got a disgusted sound and very pissy " Can we just leave it at I can't afford it!"
I'm DONE having my head ripped off over simple things. He's busy, it's stressful. Welcome to life. He complains now? Try being a single mom with a chronically sick kid. That was my life at his age. His dad works full time with a side job that makes for very long days and no free time for weeks. Neither one will be home until 9 pm. Being busy and stressed is not exclusive to being in your 20's, living for free in your parents house. At this rate He better not ever have kids.
Phew. OK. I think I'm done ranting. I know I've got it pretty good with him. His older brother was a nightmare at this age.
He's probably right about the app.
No he isn't. It's a banking app. It's been fine since before he had his own bank account.
To those commenting about my "nagging" with one question about shoes, I asked because I care. He's been complaining about his feet.
If one simple question constitutes nagging he needs to move out so nobody bothers him by speaking to him.
I need to get out of this mood today. Tomorrow though, I will clear out of the main area when I hear his shower. And I'll stop trying to make big batch suppers so he has leftovers to take. Something he expects, but oh well. Make sandwiches. Next time his vehicle quits I won't rearrange things so he can use mine. There's a bus stop close by. Two weeks ago I was told (yes, told) that I would need to take him to school if I couldn't move an appointment.
But God forbid I ask about a pair of shoes.
No it is not the shoes. It is how you handle money. You have stressed him out in not a good way. This is on you not him.
Anonymous
03/07/2023 13:53
Subject: Frustrated with my 21 year old today
LMC problems.
Anonymous
03/07/2023 13:30
Subject: Frustrated with my 21 year old today
I have that here. One minute they feel ( rightly so) they are adults and their own person, and the next they are still someone’s child. We see ways to help and somethings they are fine with ( your dinners) but other things consciously or unconsciously annoy them.
You are on the right track. Give berth where you need (out of way in mornings) support where you don’t mind ( meals), and engage where you can ( buy the shoes).
He will move on eventually!
You are on the right track. Give berth where you need (out of way in mornings) support where you don’t mind ( meals), and engage where you can ( buy the shoes).
He will move on eventually!
Anonymous
03/07/2023 13:20
Subject: Frustrated with my 21 year old today
I think you are over reacting. When he mentioned he couldn’t afford new shoes, this is when you tell him you will buy them or pay half or whatever you are comfortable with. From this one discussion, you will not be batching meals, making sandwiches and giving rides. Being a single mother isn’t his fault.
Anonymous
03/07/2023 12:26
Subject: Frustrated with my 21 year old today
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:He's generally pretty good, but lately... Holy crap.
Background
He's in University full time and works part time. His education is covered by RESPs. He works to pay for his vehicle, phone, and other personal expenses. Our agreement is that as long as the kids are in school, they live here rent free. Ds is stable and consistent. Same part time job for 6 years, and the same girlfriend for almost as long.
Lately he has been downright surly. If I ask him anything I get a short, impatient response. If I tell him anything I get "mmmhmm ". This morning it was about an app I use. He thinks it's "shady" and would never trust it. That went on for a few minutes, how he'll wait to be forced to use it and on and on.
Later I asked him about needing new shoes for work in a while. He said "It doesn't matter I can't afford it." I said "ok well if you NEED them, let me know." I got a disgusted sound and very pissy " Can we just leave it at I can't afford it!"
I'm DONE having my head ripped off over simple things. He's busy, it's stressful. Welcome to life. He complains now? Try being a single mom with a chronically sick kid. That was my life at his age. His dad works full time with a side job that makes for very long days and no free time for weeks. Neither one will be home until 9 pm. Being busy and stressed is not exclusive to being in your 20's, living for free in your parents house. At this rate He better not ever have kids.
Phew. OK. I think I'm done ranting. I know I've got it pretty good with him. His older brother was a nightmare at this age.
He's probably right about the app.
No he isn't. It's a banking app. It's been fine since before he had his own bank account.
To those commenting about my "nagging" with one question about shoes, I asked because I care. He's been complaining about his feet.
If one simple question constitutes nagging he needs to move out so nobody bothers him by speaking to him.
I need to get out of this mood today. Tomorrow though, I will clear out of the main area when I hear his shower. And I'll stop trying to make big batch suppers so he has leftovers to take. Something he expects, but oh well. Make sandwiches. Next time his vehicle quits I won't rearrange things so he can use mine. There's a bus stop close by. Two weeks ago I was told (yes, told) that I would need to take him to school if I couldn't move an appointment.
But God forbid I ask about a pair of shoes.
This is actually what you probably do - or similar - don't be so available/accommodating.
At this age, he should should also have his own bank account completely separate from yours.
He's had that since he started working at 15.
Yes I think it's time to leave him to his own devices. There's food here when he wants it. If there are leftovers, great but I'm not going out of my way to make sure.
I don't need to get myself in such a mood over a condescending attitude. I'm sure he would like to move out, but for the foreseeable future he will have to deal with the fact that other people live here.
Anonymous
03/07/2023 10:53
Subject: Frustrated with my 21 year old today
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:He's generally pretty good, but lately... Holy crap.
Background
He's in University full time and works part time. His education is covered by RESPs. He works to pay for his vehicle, phone, and other personal expenses. Our agreement is that as long as the kids are in school, they live here rent free. Ds is stable and consistent. Same part time job for 6 years, and the same girlfriend for almost as long.
Lately he has been downright surly. If I ask him anything I get a short, impatient response. If I tell him anything I get "mmmhmm ". This morning it was about an app I use. He thinks it's "shady" and would never trust it. That went on for a few minutes, how he'll wait to be forced to use it and on and on.
Later I asked him about needing new shoes for work in a while. He said "It doesn't matter I can't afford it." I said "ok well if you NEED them, let me know." I got a disgusted sound and very pissy " Can we just leave it at I can't afford it!"
I'm DONE having my head ripped off over simple things. He's busy, it's stressful. Welcome to life. He complains now? Try being a single mom with a chronically sick kid. That was my life at his age. His dad works full time with a side job that makes for very long days and no free time for weeks. Neither one will be home until 9 pm. Being busy and stressed is not exclusive to being in your 20's, living for free in your parents house. At this rate He better not ever have kids.
Phew. OK. I think I'm done ranting. I know I've got it pretty good with him. His older brother was a nightmare at this age.
He's probably right about the app.
No he isn't. It's a banking app. It's been fine since before he had his own bank account.
To those commenting about my "nagging" with one question about shoes, I asked because I care. He's been complaining about his feet.
If one simple question constitutes nagging he needs to move out so nobody bothers him by speaking to him.
I need to get out of this mood today. Tomorrow though, I will clear out of the main area when I hear his shower. And I'll stop trying to make big batch suppers so he has leftovers to take. Something he expects, but oh well. Make sandwiches. Next time his vehicle quits I won't rearrange things so he can use mine. There's a bus stop close by. Two weeks ago I was told (yes, told) that I would need to take him to school if I couldn't move an appointment.
But God forbid I ask about a pair of shoes.
This is actually what you probably do - or similar - don't be so available/accommodating.
At this age, he should should also have his own bank account completely separate from yours.
Anonymous
03/07/2023 10:53
Subject: Re:Frustrated with my 21 year old today
Anonymous wrote:Maybe he is looking at all the other 21 yr olds whose parents are able to provide for them and is resentful? My AC lives with me. Finished college education, making decent money in his tech job, will be staying for another 2 years so that can move to another city with a nice cash reserve. we have paid for everything.
I am sure some friends who are struggling and doing it without parental help may feel resentful. We are not rich by any means, but we are in a position to help because we made good decisions in our youth. This mean that my AC had to not worry about college, grad school, house, food, expenses, phone, medical insurance, money, moving cost etc - even though we are MC.
Your son is not getting this kind of leg-up from you. That you were a single mom at 21 means that he did not have a great start in life. He is aware of that.
What ARE you talking about? He hasn't had to pay a cent for his education. That's what the RESP's are for. He lives here expense free except for his personal needs. Also stated in the OP. He is covered under dh's medical, too.
I was a single mom at 21 to his older brother. The 21 year old hasn't gone without. He never even had to go to daycare.
Anonymous
03/07/2023 10:47
Subject: Frustrated with my 21 year old today
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:He's generally pretty good, but lately... Holy crap.
Background
He's in University full time and works part time. His education is covered by RESPs. He works to pay for his vehicle, phone, and other personal expenses. Our agreement is that as long as the kids are in school, they live here rent free. Ds is stable and consistent. Same part time job for 6 years, and the same girlfriend for almost as long.
Lately he has been downright surly. If I ask him anything I get a short, impatient response. If I tell him anything I get "mmmhmm ". This morning it was about an app I use. He thinks it's "shady" and would never trust it. That went on for a few minutes, how he'll wait to be forced to use it and on and on.
Later I asked him about needing new shoes for work in a while. He said "It doesn't matter I can't afford it." I said "ok well if you NEED them, let me know." I got a disgusted sound and very pissy " Can we just leave it at I can't afford it!"
I'm DONE having my head ripped off over simple things. He's busy, it's stressful. Welcome to life. He complains now? Try being a single mom with a chronically sick kid. That was my life at his age. His dad works full time with a side job that makes for very long days and no free time for weeks. Neither one will be home until 9 pm. Being busy and stressed is not exclusive to being in your 20's, living for free in your parents house. At this rate He better not ever have kids.
Phew. OK. I think I'm done ranting. I know I've got it pretty good with him. His older brother was a nightmare at this age.
He's probably right about the app.
No he isn't. It's a banking app. It's been fine since before he had his own bank account.
To those commenting about my "nagging" with one question about shoes, I asked because I care. He's been complaining about his feet.
If one simple question constitutes nagging he needs to move out so nobody bothers him by speaking to him.
I need to get out of this mood today. Tomorrow though, I will clear out of the main area when I hear his shower. And I'll stop trying to make big batch suppers so he has leftovers to take. Something he expects, but oh well. Make sandwiches. Next time his vehicle quits I won't rearrange things so he can use mine. There's a bus stop close by. Two weeks ago I was told (yes, told) that I would need to take him to school if I couldn't move an appointment.
But God forbid I ask about a pair of shoes.
Anonymous
03/07/2023 10:42
Subject: Re:Frustrated with my 21 year old today
Maybe he is looking at all the other 21 yr olds whose parents are able to provide for them and is resentful? My AC lives with me. Finished college education, making decent money in his tech job, will be staying for another 2 years so that can move to another city with a nice cash reserve. we have paid for everything.
I am sure some friends who are struggling and doing it without parental help may feel resentful. We are not rich by any means, but we are in a position to help because we made good decisions in our youth. This mean that my AC had to not worry about college, grad school, house, food, expenses, phone, medical insurance, money, moving cost etc - even though we are MC.
Your son is not getting this kind of leg-up from you. That you were a single mom at 21 means that he did not have a great start in life. He is aware of that.
I am sure some friends who are struggling and doing it without parental help may feel resentful. We are not rich by any means, but we are in a position to help because we made good decisions in our youth. This mean that my AC had to not worry about college, grad school, house, food, expenses, phone, medical insurance, money, moving cost etc - even though we are MC.
Your son is not getting this kind of leg-up from you. That you were a single mom at 21 means that he did not have a great start in life. He is aware of that.
Anonymous
03/07/2023 10:22
Subject: Frustrated with my 21 year old today
Anonymous wrote:He's generally pretty good, but lately... Holy crap.
Background
He's in University full time and works part time. His education is covered by RESPs. He works to pay for his vehicle, phone, and other personal expenses. Our agreement is that as long as the kids are in school, they live here rent free. Ds is stable and consistent. Same part time job for 6 years, and the same girlfriend for almost as long.
Lately he has been downright surly. If I ask him anything I get a short, impatient response. If I tell him anything I get "mmmhmm ". This morning it was about an app I use. He thinks it's "shady" and would never trust it. That went on for a few minutes, how he'll wait to be forced to use it and on and on.
Later I asked him about needing new shoes for work in a while. He said "It doesn't matter I can't afford it." I said "ok well if you NEED them, let me know." I got a disgusted sound and very pissy " Can we just leave it at I can't afford it!"
I'm DONE having my head ripped off over simple things. He's busy, it's stressful. Welcome to life. He complains now? Try being a single mom with a chronically sick kid. That was my life at his age. His dad works full time with a side job that makes for very long days and no free time for weeks. Neither one will be home until 9 pm. Being busy and stressed is not exclusive to being in your 20's, living for free in your parents house. At this rate He better not ever have kids.
Phew. OK. I think I'm done ranting. I know I've got it pretty good with him. His older brother was a nightmare at this age.
He's probably right about the app.
Anonymous
03/07/2023 10:18
Subject: Frustrated with my 21 year old today
I have to be honest. You sound a bit overbearing. Why are you nagging your adult child about shoes? He is 21.
I get that housing can be expensive in certain areas, but he needs to leave the nest ASAP. He sounds fine to me. He's probably frustrated that he is stuck at home.
I get that housing can be expensive in certain areas, but he needs to leave the nest ASAP. He sounds fine to me. He's probably frustrated that he is stuck at home.
Anonymous
03/07/2023 10:18
Subject: Re:Frustrated with my 21 year old today
Can you get him the shoes?
Anonymous
03/07/2023 10:13
Subject: Frustrated with my 21 year old today
I can relate to you OP. Not sure what the answer is.
We don't mind giving them a soft landing while they figure out how to adult, because we love them. But the attitude is a little hard to take.
I try to draw the line when I feel disrespected, but that is a subjective line. It would be great if they appreciated our role in their lives...but perhaps that will come with maturity.
We don't mind giving them a soft landing while they figure out how to adult, because we love them. But the attitude is a little hard to take.
I try to draw the line when I feel disrespected, but that is a subjective line. It would be great if they appreciated our role in their lives...but perhaps that will come with maturity.
Anonymous
03/07/2023 10:07
Subject: Frustrated with my 21 year old today
He cares about you, since he expressed concern over your use of an app.
You nagged him about buying shoes he can't afford.
When I think about all the 21 year olds I know, he doesn't sound terrible at all - actually pretty normal. You sound extremely whiny today, and that's OK, I get it. You're all tired and stressed. Given each other some grace.
Anonymous
03/07/2023 10:03
Subject: Frustrated with my 21 year old today
He's generally pretty good, but lately... Holy crap.
Background
He's in University full time and works part time. His education is covered by RESPs. He works to pay for his vehicle, phone, and other personal expenses. Our agreement is that as long as the kids are in school, they live here rent free. Ds is stable and consistent. Same part time job for 6 years, and the same girlfriend for almost as long.
Lately he has been downright surly. If I ask him anything I get a short, impatient response. If I tell him anything I get "mmmhmm ". This morning it was about an app I use. He thinks it's "shady" and would never trust it. That went on for a few minutes, how he'll wait to be forced to use it and on and on.
Later I asked him about needing new shoes for work in a while. He said "It doesn't matter I can't afford it." I said "ok well if you NEED them, let me know." I got a disgusted sound and very pissy " Can we just leave it at I can't afford it!"
I'm DONE having my head ripped off over simple things. He's busy, it's stressful. Welcome to life. He complains now? Try being a single mom with a chronically sick kid. That was my life at his age. His dad works full time with a side job that makes for very long days and no free time for weeks. Neither one will be home until 9 pm. Being busy and stressed is not exclusive to being in your 20's, living for free in your parents house. At this rate He better not ever have kids.
Phew. OK. I think I'm done ranting. I know I've got it pretty good with him. His older brother was a nightmare at this age.
Background
He's in University full time and works part time. His education is covered by RESPs. He works to pay for his vehicle, phone, and other personal expenses. Our agreement is that as long as the kids are in school, they live here rent free. Ds is stable and consistent. Same part time job for 6 years, and the same girlfriend for almost as long.
Lately he has been downright surly. If I ask him anything I get a short, impatient response. If I tell him anything I get "mmmhmm ". This morning it was about an app I use. He thinks it's "shady" and would never trust it. That went on for a few minutes, how he'll wait to be forced to use it and on and on.
Later I asked him about needing new shoes for work in a while. He said "It doesn't matter I can't afford it." I said "ok well if you NEED them, let me know." I got a disgusted sound and very pissy " Can we just leave it at I can't afford it!"
I'm DONE having my head ripped off over simple things. He's busy, it's stressful. Welcome to life. He complains now? Try being a single mom with a chronically sick kid. That was my life at his age. His dad works full time with a side job that makes for very long days and no free time for weeks. Neither one will be home until 9 pm. Being busy and stressed is not exclusive to being in your 20's, living for free in your parents house. At this rate He better not ever have kids.
Phew. OK. I think I'm done ranting. I know I've got it pretty good with him. His older brother was a nightmare at this age.